Perfect “fairytale” relationship, BUT scared of having Kids and Marriage…

EmirikolWoker · 2021-09-15T06:52:25+00:00

I quite literally live in fear of this every day.

What is the point anymore? It seems like Russian roulette?

But my partner would be HEART BROKEN if I said no kids or marriage.

Your relationships should be a source of nourishment and fulfilment. If you're living in fear, that means there's a lack of trust. The two broad options here are:

work on your anxieties, put them into perspective, determine how much danger you're likely to be in with this partner (and see if there's anything they need to work on too)
cut your losses, and the relationship, and breathe easier knowing you're not in as much daily danger.

Nobody deserves to live in fear in their own home, nor to be afraid of their partner.

If you do decide to leave, remember that your partner survived before meeting you, she'll survive your absence.

lotsofhubris · 2021-09-15T09:45:15+00:00

Read about the recent stephen Jackson marriage situation—he’s a smart

https://homeofplaymakers.com/stephen-jackson-left-fiance-at-alter-because-she-would-not-sign-prenup/

wrathofroc · 2021-09-15T07:53:19+00:00

You’re young, it’s normal to be scared. You don’t have to get married and have kids at 23, why not date another year or two and then decide?

mypasswordisnot38838 · 2021-09-15T08:19:16+00:00

Can I ask something a little bit off topic?can I ask the police for a restaining order if im stalked?

Smithtrades · 2021-09-15T10:09:49+00:00

So, I’ve just seen this horrific post trending

All the comments are saying how disgusting the guy is? What in the fuck?

Perspective1958 · 2021-09-15T11:46:30+00:00

Don't you think that you are overstating the risk? Perhaps you should research what divorce and child support in both your and her's country entails?

Have the two of yo even discussed the possibility of marriage, or talked about each other's views on marriage, children, finances, etc?

SnooDonuts5498 · 2021-09-15T13:33:29+00:00

Start saving up now for a retainer for a divorce/custody lawyer. There’s plenty of dads out there who have won custody and find joy out of single fatherhood.

quietlurk10 · 2021-09-15T07:06:40+00:00

I know there are a lot of horror stories, but there are also a lot of very happy men with very fulfilling families and wives (myself included).

Obviously it’s good that you are cognizant and cautious, but if you spend so much time looking at all the bad stuff, it’s going to give you a skewed sense of reality and make you hyper nervous, finding problems where there aren’t.

It sounds like you’ve found a good relationship, cherish it, nourish it, do not create a situation that simply isn’t there.

I’d speak to a counselor about these fears, they may be able to help you process them better.

Flashy_Glove6208 · 2021-09-15T09:20:00+00:00

Way too early to consider marriage. You are still in the honeymoon period.

Meet a lawyer and prepare a solid prenup regarding asset, custody, alimony and parental schedule in case of a divorce.
Have an adult, calm conversation with her what she thinks about a prenup.
Date or be engaged for at least four more years to see her true colours. Her true face will show after the honeymoon period.
Vet her sexual past. Anything above 5 sexual partners means her bonding ability is severely damaged. Double digits forget about it, it's just your turn.
2, 3 and 4 going well you can consider marriage. Her bondind and willingness to protect your finances and access to children counter divorce family court law risks in this scenario.

mikesteane · 2021-09-15T10:25:39+00:00

I’m 23 (M) and I’ve been in a relationship with my female partner for 1 year

Too young

jonnyhaldane · 2021-09-15T14:30:00+00:00

First of all, stop caring about what her family thinks/says.

There are only two people in your relationship: you and her. They will try to put pressure on you but they’re not your parents and it’s YOUR job to make the best decisions for yourself.

Secondly, you don’t need to get married. There’s no logical reason to do it.

Yeah people will bitch and complain, but so what? Marriage benefits her, not you. If she loves you, she’ll at least try to understand your perspective.

Remember, the point is not that you don’t trust her enough to marry her (although after 1 year, you can yet know who she really is).

The point is that people can change, and people can be wrong about other people. It’s logical to fear divorce courts.

EnvironmentalWar4627 · 2021-09-15T11:41:33+00:00

If you're too afraid to do what makes you happy, then you can leave. But I think that's cowardly. Doom scrolling online in spaces with particularly angrier men can be overwhelming, but the reality is 50 percent of marriages work out. If you don't think you'll be in that 50...leave now. If you do, enjoy your life and handle the problems when they arise.

Title	Perfect “fairytale” relationship, BUT scared of having Kids and Marriage…
Author	Smithtrades
Upvotes	9
Comments	28
Date	September 15, 2021 6:34 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/pokpiu/perfect_fairytale_relationship_but_scared_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/perfect-fairytale-relationship-but-scared-of.1070344 https://theredarchive.com/post/1070344

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