If you have an ego wound from child abuse, if your parents did not build you up to have healthy self esteem and self worth, it is tempting to believe being chosen for sex and relationships will alleviate this. But actually, it is a bottomless pit. Many porn addicts, even if they get a wife, will continue to be addicted. “Landing a man/woman” is not an end goal, but rather the beginning of a journey of intimacy building together.

Hooking up with a woman/man hot enough to be a model, is a temporary high that will lead to a crash and the seeking of another hot woman/man. The red pill promises fulfillment but it is like pouring buckets of water out of a boat that has a big leak. You will be submerged back in your default state of toxic shame after the “hit” of a relationally based high wears off.

This is the issue both with codependency and sexually addictive behavior. Externalizing fulfillment is not a permanent solution for anyone.