New to this

sicrm · 2021-10-06T01:04:40+00:00

the best course is getting a lawyer and building a support system.

also don’t move out of your house.

pegleg_legal · 2021-10-06T01:09:01+00:00

Six kids - wow. It sounds like you will also get hit with an alimony obligation unless she waives it, which if she gets a lawyer will be very unlikely.

The first step is to have an understanding of the marital estate and contested issues. Gather the basic facts of the family, date of marriage, dob of all kids, incomes, assets. Then understand the basics of your discussion with her to determine the basic framework of what you two have agreed. This will prepare you to have productive meetings with the lawyers in step 2.

The second step is to visit with 3-5 lawyers and then choose one who: 1. has the experience for a case like yours; 2. understands your goals and will pursue them; 3. you can work with and whose strengths complement your weaknesses; and 4. is within your budget.

Then you need to evaluate what she is likely entitled to under the law if you proceed with the plan for her to be the primary caregiver and to have the house and to probably get some alimony.

You also need to evaluate the possibility that this will become contested.

47omek · 2021-10-06T15:39:08+00:00

Are all the kids school age? If so you need to get you wife working before filing for divorce or you're going to be looking at massive CS and SS. If the kids aren't school age yet you might consider holding off on divorce until they are and you can get the wife working.

mr_pro_con · 2021-10-06T02:04:15+00:00

check out the men's divorce forum. they argue you can get much more time with the kids if you follow their strategies

Silk_nw · 2021-10-06T12:00:33+00:00

Going through an uncontested divorce with a mediator right now. I highly recommend if you two can be civil, negotiate with each other, and are more into taking care of the children than hurting each other.

nonchalance77 · 2021-10-06T09:26:41+00:00

Um, why did you have 6 kids? Did you not realize how much work that would be? Like, of course you don’t have passion and romance, you are busy with SIX kids. Is divorce really the answer? You think moving on to a new person when you have that many kids is going to be easy? You know what it’s like out in the dating world, right?

Throwaway4120213 · 2021-10-06T14:48:56+00:00

Six kids and the sole provider? Why the hell would someone do this to themselves?

Be prepared to pay max child support and max alimony as six kids is a “special” circumstance where the other side can ask that max calculations be stretched higher and longer.

Be realistic about what your life is going to look like. With 6 kids and max child support/alimony- be prepared that no woman will want to date you until the last kid is out of the home. Learn to enjoy solo activities.

tanotsurewhattodo12 · 2021-10-07T22:52:37+00:00

If she doesn't work.. not to sound like a dick.. but I hope you make a LOT of money. 6 kids + full alimony is going to cost a ton. I don't know where you live, but in California, in that scenario, if I make 10K a month take home, It's going to run around $1K per kid, before alimony is factored in. Depending on situation, their are "discounts" (horrible way to say that) the more kids you have.. but I would be you will pay $3K to $5K a month just for child support. I forget now if there is any consideration for how much you make. Alimony is going to be rough too, because if she does not have income, then she will need to get a job, and then child care costs come in to the picture too. Can she get a job making enough to support herself, the 6 kids, child care costs?

The alimony bit is about her having a quality of life similar to what you provided already. This is honestly why most people who have kids and a wife that doesn't work, don't get divorced. They either become sort of roommates with agreed upon open-ish relationship style (e.g. you can date/see other people but never at home.. and kids are not allowed to know), or they just tolerate it because it's just utterly impossible for the man to afford alimony/child support AND survive on his own. If you can do a 50/50 custody split, basically you would pay a little to 0 for child care, and only alimony, but would have the kids 50% of the time.

Unfortunately would need a bit more info (age of kids, can she work and if so make good money, etc).

But, from reading this forum for a couple years now, without trying to say its impossible.. your situation is one of those that most people don't ever want to be in.

You sure its not reconcilable?

Title	New to this
Author	magicoyote1
Upvotes	8
Comments	19
Date	October 6, 2021 12:51 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/q29pny/new_to_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/new-to-this.1077149 https://theredarchive.com/post/1077149

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