How to save a friend who is red pilled and keeps destroying his relationship?

heytheredelilah91 · 2021-10-13T17:57:28+00:00

You can't fix his problems for him, he has to learn this lesson on his own. It's the only way people learn.

AwakenedSin · 2021-10-13T21:01:32+00:00

I'm new to this community.

But anyways, this has nothing about your friend being red pilled. What it sounds like is your friend needs therapy. He was in an abusive relationship and now he is doing the same thing to his girl.

Tell your friend, he really should take care of his mental and go to therapy. If he doesn't listen, don't waste your energy. He will soon learn that his actions has consequences.

lipstickdiet · 2021-10-13T22:15:19+00:00

Why don’t you tell the gf to get out of that relationship?

Haunting_Afternoon62 · 2021-10-13T23:59:12+00:00

Hes brainwashed and won't get it. She should just leave but perhaps she didn't see this behavior until she was already wrapped up in him. It's a shame. She doesn't deserve this but idk if u can even do an intervention because red pilled guys are too defensive and angry. The only thing I was able to do was just leave. He looked and talked at me like I was something to manipulate. It fell on deaf ears

Environmental-Row979 · 2021-10-14T01:57:41+00:00

If she’s really your friend, too, why would you encourage her to be with someone who treats her badly? And how can he possibly “really love” her if he deliberately disrespects her and views her as a pawn to be manipulated? You don’t play weird mind games with someone you respect and care for.

If you want to be a good friend to him, too, you need to be as direct with him to his face as you were about him in this post. His former partner was unkind to him and that was wrong, but it is beyond unfair to expect his new partner to atone for the sins of someone else’s past. Further, if he doesn’t get it together and figure out how to move beyond the behaviors he’s learned, he really will lose this one.

mikebosscoe · 2021-10-14T03:53:34+00:00

It's not your job to save or fix anyone. Dude needs to go to therapy. He made the big mistake of trying to fix his issues with YouTube videos from butthurt scam artists.

DissonanceBadger · 2021-10-13T20:13:54+00:00

If I was in your shoes what I would try to do is psychoanalyze his behavior to him and have an argument about it. He is going to have two types of defenses, one is denial, and one is rationalization. You break apart his denial by saying out loud what he is really feeling and thinking, and you break his rationalization by arguing him into a corner. This sounds really aggressive, but if you do this with the mindset that you're being a messenger of objective reality, and refrain from mixing your emotions with the message, that will make it assertive, rather than aggressive.

heinybfh · 2021-10-14T11:12:03+00:00

He needs to stop consuming red pill content on the internet, that shit’s toxic af.

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Training_Passenger79 · 2021-10-14T01:27:33+00:00

Maybe there’s some way you can get the two of them together in one room, and casually bring up the topic of red-pill. Say how you think it’s a shame that men think this way, and ask your female friend her thoughts. Get her talking about how she feels about the way men treat women, and ask her what she advice she might give a friend of hers who is dating an rp guy.

He’s in a lot of pain and he’s not willing to listen to women, but if you don’t give him the choice, he can’t unhear what she says. It will sit with him and incubate in the back of his mind.

Worst comes to worst, when he loses her, at least he will understand why things happened that way, and he will probably leave rp, knowing it ruined his chances at love.

Maybe, though, seeing YOU talk to her like a real person who can be trusted, and hearing her talk about her thoughts and feelings, will make him realize that women are actually human beings and humans are not inherently nasty and evil.

Alternatively, you could stage this as if you have another friend who is a female that is in an rp relationship, and ask your female friend to explain how your other female friend is feeling, and what advice she would give her.

Try really really hard not to let on that this is about them. When people think something is about them, they get defensive and they’ll give you misleading replies.

Make it about someone else, and you’ll let them activate the thinking parts of their brains instead of the emotional parts - and it’s so much easier to judge someone else’s problems than it is to look at your own.

You can’t tell them how to behave - all you can do is give them the opportunity to think about their actions in an environment that feels safe.

It’s not a bad idea, either, for your female friend to learn about the RP movement, if she doesn’t know much about it. She should avoid RP bastions of toxicity (lest she devolve into feminism), but a community like this could be really helpful for her in processing her relationship problems.

All relationships are difficult. You shouldn’t leave the second your partner has problems. I know a lot of people are saying she should just leave him - but I think she should try, especially if he’s new to red pill. There’s a chance he can still be salvaged. It would be a shame to have an an abusive relationship lead to horrible heartache.

I feel for your bestie. I used to be a misandrist, myself. I was in a lot of pain and it was a dark, horrible place to be. I recovered now, and I love, respect, and appreciate men. I don’t think he’s a bad guy…just a sad guy. She sounds sweet. Maybe she can help.

PS: I’ve also been in abusive relationship. It ended my dating career. I think I understand what he’s going through. The degree to which this shakes your trust in humanity cannot be understated…you loved someone, and they tried to destroy you. I decided after that to never date again, and that means I’ll also never marry or have kids. (I’m at an age where I can’t afford to sit around and wait if I want to do it right).

So yeah, I get it - totally. You’ll hear a lot of people suggest your friend is a horrible person, but my guess is that they were never in an abusive relationship. It changes you on such a deep level. You don’t get to choose the fact that you can’t trust anymore.

Your female friend is going to have to understand that to some level. If she doesn’t know he was abused - she needs to know. She needs to realize it’s not about her…it’s about his scars. They cut deep, and you can’t just heal overnight.

I honestly hope he pulls through this, and good on you for looking out for him and being such a loving friend. That love and kindness is something he really needs now. He’s like a dog that’s been kicked around too much and still has broken bones. It’s sad - but that’s what abusive people do to us. The pain hurts deep on the inside.

IsItMeta · 2021-10-14T02:58:59+00:00

Honestly, It might not be ideological. He might just be depressed and frustrated. And in that case he would probably need therapy but I doubt he would be receptive to that idea.

But imo, I guess the only thing to really do is be upfront if he does anything out of line but give him time to open up again.

TheDrWinston · 2021-10-14T10:43:05+00:00

He won't destroy his relationship, but he will become a shit person. Save him from that first.

Otherwise-Term3014 · 2021-10-14T14:19:53+00:00

Why are you meddling in your friend’s relationship matters? 1.) I wish I had that much free time. 2.) If he isn’t in danger or doing something harmful, why are you involving yourself? 3.) You don’t sound like a friend I wouldn’t want around

Substantial_Ad_628 · 2021-10-14T05:18:40+00:00

No where in the red pill does it say to treat women like shit..?

quogoslogos · 2021-10-13T20:26:26+00:00

He's being cautious. More often than not what u perceive of relationships is not the truth. Honestly I don't support truly loving women still. Knowing that it you are on the plank while she's the pirate should be standard knowledge for all men. Don't get on the plank.

Title	How to save a friend who is red pilled and keeps destroying his relationship?
Author	throwawayyeibzhdsjns
Upvotes	15
Comments	32
Date	October 13, 2021 5:54 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/q7gor4/how_to_save_a_friend_who_is_red_pilled_and_keeps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-to-save-a-friend-who-is-red-pilled-and-keeps.1079723 https://theredarchive.com/post/1079723

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