Struggling with depression

KZandMe · 2021-11-04T14:10:47+00:00

First, what you're feeling is normal. It's gut wrenching seeing your future plans and family dissolve, so don't think you're weak or judge yourself for having those feelings...even the really really dark ones, they pass.

The best thing you could do is take those bottles to the sink and dump that poison out. Fuck alcohol, it'll help you escape and then make you feel twice as shitty the next day. My separation and divorce unleashed the alcohol dependency in me and it held me back from healing and affected my ability to be the best dad I could be. I'm now 2.5 years without a drink and actually dealing with the tough stuff in life that I used to just cover up with a buzz. It's a choice you need to make for yourself, but just know that it is a very viable option. Especially important if your kids are going to already be living with a parent with substance abuse issues.

Treat yourself right. Keep working out. Gym, run, bike time are still the best parts of my days. Meditation is so valuable. It won't seem like it's doing shit, but one day you'll be like "whoa I really am seeing the world and my problems differently".

This is a chance for you to start fresh and mold your life into what you want it to be, but at the same time you do have to grieve and honor your feelings of sadness and loss. This sub was super helpful to me in that regard, because divorce is lonely AF. Best of luck man, one day at a time.

"If you're going through hell, keep going" - - Winston Churchill

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-11-04T14:00:03+00:00

Relationships are a drug addiction, literally. The same area of the brain that processes romantic love is also stimulated during cocaine use. It's going to take you a while to detox yourself from the sudden loss of dopamine. You can mitigate the cold turkey aspect similar to how methadone works -- replace the addiction with something else that allows you to wean yourself from the original addiction. It's one of many reasons you hear men tell other men to "hit the gym", listen to loud music or get a runner's high to trigger dopamine. Doing so gets you out of your own head. You're essentially creating a new habit to produce the dopamine hit that's been lost.

HENKH4L · 2021-11-04T12:00:46+00:00

Feeling depressed is absolutely part of the process! But remember that no matter how dark it looks right, it will look as bright too at a certain point!

Don't take the blame on yourself, it is not only your fault! Take your time to heal, and allow yourself to take that time. If you focus on yourself in the end you can be a stable father too!

I recognize parts of your story also 29, two kids and a nasty breakup; she ended up not feeling it anymore and wanted some space. I found out she was in love with a (now) former mate. I advised her to go live with him. Protected myselve, this all happened in the past few months!

Try to avoid alcohol as much as you can, this will allow you to process these feelings.

Find new hobbies, try out things you've never could have done. I personally get really happy from cooking meals she hated and I did not cook for years! Exercise helps, even a long walk does a lot of good to your mind. Meditation eases the mind; try to start with a bodyscan on YouTube or a walking exercise is also good.

Don't be to hard on yourself, it takes babysteps!

And remember; you are not alone! Feel free to drop a line if you need a stranger to talk to! 💪🏻

47omek · 2021-11-04T14:01:43+00:00

Where are your kids? You didn't move out of the marital home without a signed custody order, did you?

AtomicSurf · 2021-11-04T19:15:31+00:00

Go see a doctor and/or counsellor.

Then take small daily steps to get your life back on track.

Gattsama · 2021-11-05T00:26:41+00:00

Hey man, my wife and I separated about about 1.5wks ago. She told me I had to go, like you it was a long time coming. We have been together for 17 years and married 12. We have no kids thou. I'm still figuring s&it out but here's my $0.02:

You need to start exercising (it keeps the depression at bay, exercise is as good as a SSRI for uncomplicated depression).

You need to reach other to EVERY resource you have for support: friends, family, online, gaming, etc. You need to such surround yourself with as much positive energy as possible. They don't have to support your separation or even know about it. they just need to feed you.

You need to take some time were you do not interact with her at all (at least 2-3 days of zero contact). Your brain is all messed up, heavy decisions shouldn't be made right now if you can avoid it. I'm like 50/50 with my wife. I clearly should stay gone and ask for a divorce, but I keep thinking if only I did this and she did that, and we worked out this, etc etc. My brain is not to be trusted right now (and I know it). So I'm trying to take some time to just be.

Also I can't speak for your situation, but do not believe that anything is your fault. You both signed up and you both have some blame. Sure one party is normally more to blame :) But that doesn't matter, because this is suppose to be a marriage. Either people are in or they are not, and if either of you are not; try to move towards acceptance and peace, then do what needs to be done (holding a mirror up to myself on that one)

Beautiful-Nebula1748 · 2021-11-08T07:09:07+00:00

I will be glad to refer this great assistance i had from a very reliable source.... I was about to loose everything i worked for all my life..... my ex almost took everything I worked for all my life. I noticed some strange moved and i have to discuss with my friend she really feel bad for me and wanted to assist me, i was referred to a great help ACYBER710 on the gmail, she was amazing and really assist me get in my ex phone and found out how he has been planning to take everything..... This was a really suck to me and i feel really bad after all i did for us..... Gladly i was bale to safe myself from this horrible relationship and thanks i didn't loose any of my stuff

Title	Struggling with depression
Author	BearsEatBooty
Upvotes	11
Comments	13
Date	November 4, 2021 10:08 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/qmhdco/struggling_with_depression/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/struggling-with-depression.1080076 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080076

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