Okay maybe this is a better title. Ladies, how do you deal with severe body insecurity/shame?

TheTwincessMaker · 2021-10-29T11:46:11+00:00

Plenty of unattractive people are in happy relationships. As long as you're making an effort and not demanding something you don't offer, you'll be fine. Date the guys who are 5'8", the ones losing their hair, the ones who are a little nerdy looking. Focus on ambition and humor and personality over appearances and let attraction build over time. None of that stuff matters when you're crying because the baby won't eat, anyway.

TheBunk_TB · 2021-10-29T11:06:50+00:00

Have you considered lifting?

Noressa · 2021-10-29T22:55:36+00:00

Look into body acceptance programs. I mean this seriously. Believe it or not, a lot of people have insecurity and they never show it. In fact, several people have false confidence that they project to hide their shame for what they perceive as their clearly obvious flaws.

Example of an event I attended: Everyone was naked, sitting on towels. The first thing we did was have people say something that they didn't like about themselves. Anyone who related in any way to a statement someone said was asked to stand up. There were people who were missing toenails. Had surgical scars. People who thought they were too thin. Too fat. Too much acne. People with communicable diseases. Emotional trauma.

The amazing thing? These people you were sitting next to, you would never know they were hiding these issues. There were many, many tears. The beautiful woman you were sitting next to? Would say she felt unlovable because of some flaw that I'm sure had you asked anyone next to you about her would say she was practically perfect. Same with men. I was constantly amazed at the things people stood up for. And so many things I would think were such minor things had left such a great impact on these individuals that they felt unloveable.

At the end, we had a thing where we stood in two circles and made an honest compliment to the individual in front of us. You could ask to touch a part of the person (head, arms, legs, no secondary or primary sexual orgams) If the person consented, you could touch them while you gave the compliment. And it sounds silly, but after opening up to these strangers and having a stranger give you an honest compliment about anything was just so amazing. The girl who was in front of me just hugged me and said I was so beautiful.

Mind you, I was very significantly overweight at this time. I struggled with this for a very, very long time. It was my primary insecurity, though I had stood up for a few others that were mentioned at the beginning as well.

You can't see the struggles of those around you, so understand that while you are struggling to love yourself, so are so many others who you may think are amazing. And others may hold a much higher opinion of you then you are capable of realizing for yourself. With that said, try to focus on the things you can. Bring yourself up to the beauty that you know you hold and be confident that if someone chose to be with you, they did so because they saw something in you either you can't see yet, or you don't think yourself capable of. It took years after that event for me to finally work on my weight and it left such an impact on me, I think of it still several times a year. We can't know the struggles others have. If someone is with you, there is a reason. Ask your friends or family what they see. Build on the benefits that others perceive you with and what you know you do well with, and embrace it. Feel free to keep struggling on the things that you can't perfect yet, but don't let it stop you from feeling like you are anything less than deserving.

Kyonkanno · 2021-10-30T03:04:41+00:00

Realize that MOST people out there are not 9s and 10s. Being average looking is perfectly fine. This doesn't mean though, that you're entitled to Mr. 10 loving you unconditionally (you don't really want him anyway).
At the same time, being average looking doesn't mean you're less of a human and not deserving of being treated with dignity and respect.
Being insecure is a self fulfilling prophecy. You tell yourself you'll never find love, so you turn bitter and hate anyone trying to approach you.

LivelyLychee · 2021-10-30T01:49:36+00:00

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ddouchecanoe · 2021-10-30T16:41:13+00:00

I do not struggle with body image issues per say, but I think everyone camn feel down about themselves sometimes.

I have noticed that when I go out looking more feminine, even when I don't feel the best about myself. Maybe I am bloated or feel like my skin looks dull, etc. If I take the time to put on just a little makeup (never too much!) and dress a little nicer, lots of men smile at me and talk to me. I feel much more noticed overall.

I have a theory that men are so drawn to feminine traits, that they will excuse a couple shortcomings (or just not notice more likely) for a woman who is making the effort.

A lot of it is how your present yourself. Try to come across as cute and playful and feminine and you will be noticed by someone. Even if the first couple are not guys your hoping will notice you, you will be noticed. Try to smile a lot!

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