Does it get any better?

Feinixaway · 2021-11-10T22:08:36+00:00

After almost four years I wonder the same.

My ex still directs her anger at me. I still get letters from her lawyer about things she wants, emails with insults, etc.

If your ex's life was normal she wouldn't try to make your miserable. She's probably miserable and wants to drag you down to her level.

tanotsurewhattodo12 · 2021-11-10T23:11:31+00:00

I don't understand why the hell this happens. I asked a lawyer during consult about this. I said.. so anytime my STBXW wants to "check my status".. she can.. and because I make more than her.. I have to pay her laywer fees and mine.. she said "Yup.. more or less. " I said "how the hell is that fair.. if she wants to.. why am I forced to pay her laywer fees". "Becuase you make a lot more money.. the destitute person gets to have the other pay for things". FUCK. That is such a fucked up bullshit way. Because of this one thing.. well a couple of others.. I am hard core telling everyone NEVER to get married. It is such a fucking antiquated bullshit way to deal with two people unable to get along. It is beyond unfair to one party.. and I realize this is NOT always the man getting fucked. It happens the other way around too. It's mostly the men.. but there are plenty of women who make way more money and get fucked too.

Me personally.. I am hoping there is some dollar figure 1 lump sum payment I can somehow pay.. and be done.. forever from alimony. That is the only thing that will tie us together. My lawyer said that there is an option that many try to do to pay it all at once.. so that you're done/rid of her. Obviously that's not going to work for everyone. I think I may have to pay like $1K a month for life. We're in our 50s. So there may be an option to suggest that rather than monthly for life.. we'll assume she is going to live in to her 80s.. so lets say 30 years x 12 x 1000.. so like.. pay her 360K right now.. and your done. The shit of this is.. if she dies in a year.. I just lost a ton of money.. which is why I suspect a lot of people dont pay that unless they got inheritance or something to pay it off.

Mavik52 · 2021-11-11T00:00:30+00:00

Yeah, it gets a whole lot better. And it can for you as early as tomorrow morning. You just need to shift your perspective and embrace a new mindset. As men we all understand how fucked up the family court system is in western society. Yes we absolutely are penalized the moment we enter the arena for being male. We get exiled from our homes just because a woman whispers she doesn't feel safe. In many states you don't even get to start at a base line of 50/50 if you have kids. Our pockets are plundered from every direction. We are told we are responsible for paying for a majority of the process and get nothing in return. On and on it goes. It's the current environment we happen to be in. Much of it is out of our control. The only thing that is within our control is our attitude. The information is readily available. There is no cost to obtain it other than your time. We are all aware of the shit storm we have to walk through. And this is why mastering your emotions and cultivating an attitude of seeing opportunities in all of this will be your greatest tool. Circumstances are simply how you interpret and interact with them.

I am two years in with still no end in sight, and it may be the happiest period of my life up until now. A year ago I was struggling to find a reason to wake up everyday. But I eventually hit a wall and made the decision that I wouldn't live another day in the shit storm. The only thing I could do at that time was shift my perspective and change my attitude. And I commited to it no matter how horrible each day unfolded. Taking care of my health, career, finances, kids when I have them, and continually working on mastering my emotions allowed me to get to the spot I am at today. Still not divorced, but unrattled from her constant harassment. Slow, steady focus has allowed me to see opportunity in every obstacle. Her relentless attacks generate no emotional response from me. She has slowly unraveled, lost another job, running out of money, child services investigating for abuse, about to lose the house. It is difficult to watch because anything that negatively impacts her in some way impacts the kids. But the typical bad decisions women make in these situations eventually catches up with them, as long as you have held steady and made good decisions. No matter how hard it was.

Master your emotions. Cultivate a growth mindset. Look for opportunities in every seemingly bad situation. You will still face difficult circumstances. But with a changed perspective your mental state will dramatically improve.

SwamiSweatSocks · 2021-11-10T23:52:29+00:00

Four years in. Still argue regularly over the health and safety of my kids when they're with her. It's all on the court app so it has always been legalistic language with the court in mind. I think it will be better in a few years when my youngest turns 18 and I don't have to interact with her anymore. My poor kids though.

Title	Does it get any better?
Author	AbstractAndroid
Upvotes	13
Comments	10
Date	November 10, 2021 9:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/qr57q4/does_it_get_any_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-it-get-any-better.1084792 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084792

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