My boyfriend like ASMR, is this a problem?

Anonymous_fiend · 2021-12-05T19:04:28+00:00

There are 100,000+ asmr videos (or even just audio clips) where the woman doesn't sexualize herself for views. A lot of videos are done by men or where you can only see the hands of a woman. Try watching some of the just tapping ones, you may like them too. If he's listening mostly to the ones with beautiful women whispering seductively with cleavage shown that's because he want to. Asmr itself isn't cheating nor a red flag. It reduces anxiety, improves focus, and provides a calming feeling. I use it occasionally to help me fall asleep. You can explain that you'd prefer he watch less sexualized ones. Irl asmr works a bit differently than video asmr. Its harder to stimulate for a long time irl. Very sensitive rather expensive microphones are needed to enhance the auto sensory meridian response (ASMR). Work on your insecurity so you don't drive yourself (and him) crazy. You can communicate your feelings to him but don't become controlling or overly jealous.

2021-12-05T23:23:41+00:00

On one hand I get why it would make you uncomfortable. He's falling asleep to another woman whispering into his ear lol.

To offer some perspective though, I used to love ASMR (I'm a straight woman,) and preferred ASMR by females. It's definitely not at its core a sexual thing, the "tingles" from ASMR are more...comforting? Like the feeling you get when your mother scratches your head to sleep as a child.

I'm not gonna say no one is watching these videos for sexual kicks. But especially if he is listening to it before bed, he's probably doing it for that relaxing feeling that helps you fall asleep.

If it's any comfort, ASMR tends to be a phase that people grow out of (you kinda get numb to the tingles after a while.)

sorcieres · 2021-12-05T18:03:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

anothergoodbook · 2021-12-05T20:30:16+00:00

My understanding of ASMR is that it gives a little thrill (non sexual) to people who just have that gene or whatever. Personally I can not stand ASMR. Like even talking about it is making my skin crawl in a terrible way.

I think anything can become an addiction - and if that’s what this is for him I could see talking to him about it. I don’t think it’s cheating or anything like that. But maybe compared to a video game addiction or something. If he can’t function without it then perhaps it’s an addiction.

If it’s affecting your relationship, like he spends less time with you to listen to that or whatever - then it’s something to deal with. If he’s been doing this since before you started dating then I’d say you have to learn to live with it.

ziggystarshine · 2021-12-05T20:54:54+00:00

I think it totally depends on the nature of what he’s watching. A lot of people enjoy ASMR videos because they find them relaxing, they help them focus or fall asleep, etc. If he’s watching ASMR in another language, it’s possible he likes the sound of the voices but finds understanding what they’re saying to be distracting. I wouldn’t consider it a red flag. I love listening to skin care/hair styling/massage ones to fall asleep, lol.

Psiphistikkated · 2021-12-05T18:31:32+00:00

I'm not a woman. Based on the information presented, I don't think this is cheating personally. The correct course would be to create ASMR videos for him. He can then add your recordings to his overall repertoire. The only issue I can foresee would be getting the first recording out there! I believe in you OP.

_johnfketamine · 2021-12-05T18:51:55+00:00

ASMR helps me relax/sleep.

PsychoticNurse · 2021-12-05T19:31:15+00:00

I really don't think it's a red flag. I'm a woman but I also listen to various asmr creators, both men and women. A lot of times, my mind races and it's hard to get to sleep. The tapping or personal attention videos help sooo much. Maybe it's that way for your bf too, especially if his mind races or he struggles with anxiety or adhd.

Of course, your feelings are valid. But honestly, I wouldn't worry about it if my DH did that. It's not porn or anything inappropriate imo. I think it would only be an issue if he listened to asmr to the point of not interacting with you. If that's the case, let him know to scale it back so he can interact with you.

As a side note, I would feel weirded out if my DH made an asmr video for me. I can't really explain why I would feel that way because I love him and he's my world, but I definitely would not want any personal attention or tapping/whispering videos from him.

MqKeezy · 2021-12-05T18:40:17+00:00

This could be considered an sexual addiction, but you have to assess whether this is affecting your goals and needs of the relationship. Does this affect the quality or quantity of sexual activity? Does this activity hold him back from achieving his goals or the goals of the relationship?

Ask yourself some questions and figure out if these activities are obstacles to the things you want in your life. If you answer "no" to all of them then I don't see a problem.

crater01 · 2021-12-05T19:59:37+00:00

Lol no. If he’s watching really weird, sexual ASMR videos, even if it’s just a 2D anime girl thing, then yes. But if it’s just a still image of a 2D girl or a woman who’s not being sexual, then no, it’s not cheating and I don’t even know why it would be a red flag unless you go through his history (which you should ask for first) and find weird stuff or he stills you that it’s a sexual thing for him (which I doubt he will).

Most likely, he’s using the ASMR to relax while he’s doing work and before going to bed. People get that tingly feeling in their head or spine. I’ve felt it before and it is NOT sexual. You’re probably feeling this way because it’s another woman giving him a sense of comfort or relaxation, which is understandable, but tons of women listen to other women on ASMR YouTube. And unless you start making ASMR videos yourself, I think it would be unfair to tell him to stop watching something that is likely helping to relax him because you’re unclear about what it is.

You should ask him and hear him out before asking him to stop. Ask if he’s doing okay since the only thing that’s weird about this whole thing is if he listens to it 24/7.

sabrinamarshmellow · 2021-12-10T06:39:18+00:00

No need to be worried in my opinion.

I too listen to ASMR but I can only get tingles from female voices. It is weird, in fact I'd rather someone walk in on me watching porn versus ASMR. It's a hard thing to explain to someone who doesn't experience tingles.

I would defiantly try those things for him! It would probably feel so good in person, as most of us only experience ASMR online on YouTube.

My two cents!

Title	My boyfriend like ASMR, is this a problem?
Author	pimchi
Upvotes	0
Comments	22
Date	December 5, 2021 5:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/r9l6hs/my_boyfriend_like_asmr_is_this_a_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-boyfriend-like-asmr-is-this-a-problem.1088534 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088534

Comments