What to do if women treat me like confidante?

GoWest7 · 2021-12-23T00:02:32+00:00

Be nice, but stop being a people pleaser, stop being overly accommodating, excuse yourself when you're tired, feel uncomfortable, or feel used.

It's one thing to be mutually supportive with friends, another to be used. You need to know the difference and set healthy boundaries for yourself.

PhilosopherHistorian · 2021-12-23T00:38:51+00:00

Honestly, stop being a pushover. It’s allowing people to use you more easily.

Naus1987 · 2021-12-23T01:40:29+00:00

If they’re using you, then you gotta use them! If they’re your friend, then demand a friend. Have them listen to your problems and ask them for advice and support.

Don’t try to date them, but having women friends can be invaluable for advice. Be confident. Ask them for help and advice with dating. Have one help you with a dating profile. Ask them to help you take photos. And then when you start dating other women — ask your women friends for advice and suggestions based on your current position and progress.

There’s no shame in being friend-zoned, because having friends is awesome. But actually enjoy those friendships. Lean on them like they lean on you. Get that mutual help and support that defined legitimate and healthy friendships.

And if they start to ghost you or stop being friends. Well fuck em. Then at least they’ll stop using and abusing you.

lordkuruku · 2021-12-23T00:15:53+00:00

If you don’t want to have that sort of connection with someone, then establish boundaries to where you’re comfortable. Don’t give energy if you don’t want to. It’s okay to say, “I think you’re great, but I’d rather reserve this level of intimacy for a partner” and dial back.

Otherwise — people clearly like you and feel safe and good around you. I’d take pride in that. Moreover, being exposed to women as friends and as confidants will help you see them better as people, and undo much of the TRP programming.

minosandmedusa · 2021-12-23T02:00:48+00:00

Be genuine. If you’re interested, be interested. But don’t be nice for the sake of being nice. Take each interaction for what it is. If you don’t enjoy hearing about her problems, tell her. Maybe she’ll ghost you, but that’s what she was going to do anyway. Maybe she’ll gain some respect for your boundaries and individuality though.

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Exis007 · 2021-12-23T02:57:31+00:00

Here's a gut check: are you giving off intimacy without it being sexual intimacy?

I am empathetic, supportive, kind, compassionate. I am a good listener and I am often sought out for advice or a listening ear. But that's a very platonic vibe for me. That's energy I am giving to people in my life who are not romantic contenders and for whom I have no interest. For me, that's saying, "I can ofter you emotional/spiritual intimacy, we can be close in this way because I like you as a friend" and that's the mood I am intentionally creating.

It sounds like, for you, this is a mood you are unintentionally creating. You're giving off comfort, solidarity, empathy, kindness and people are correctly looking at that and saying, "Well, he wants to be my friend and that's awesome". They are buying what you are selling. But that's not what you're trying to sell, you're trying to sell intimacy that's sexual in nature and that's not coming through. But you're blaming them for getting it wrong, whereas I think you're sending the completely wrong message, especially if everyone in your life is having exactly the same reaction to it.

So, when I've seen this in real life, what I usually find is that the person is super uncomfortable flirting. They don't feel comfortable being overtly sexual, they don't feel comfortable putting that card on the table. And so they go for giving someone a lot of positive attention, a lot of kindness, a lot of time and energy sunk into them and wonder why it's not translating into that other person deciding they are attracted to them. I don't know that's what you're doing, your problem may be different, but that's the pattern I am most familiar with. So it would seem to me that your mission is getting comfortable expressing that you want someone out the gate without spending six months listening to her cry on the phone. You can give someone that time and attention, but it needs to be laced with desire, not kindness. It's the difference between wanting to hear all about someone's life because you're interested in them, you want to get close to them, you want to date them and see if you two fit vs. wanting to hear all about them because you're a really nice guy who loves to listen. If your motives are sexual, you have to put that on the table and let women respond to that, even if the response is negative. Negative responses are going to happen, but they are already happening in the system you've got going. Letting it be polarizing is how you know the people sticking around are clear on your goals and interested in the same thing, which is that key step you're missing. Heat is the element you're missing and without it, everyone is just defaulting to buddy vibes.

So that's where I'd start troubleshooting.

Mh882130 · 2021-12-23T04:19:11+00:00

What if I told you there is an energy frequency were self limiting beliefs like (I don’t get women because I am too nice and understanding) and intuition (as in a persons genuine feeling of energy auras) intertwine as in the negative thoughts you think about yourself are subconsciously or as I call supra consciously downloaded onto another sparking one’s intuition and making them get nice guy vibes off of you.

Hence why how you perceive is what you receive and how you receive is how you will act and how you act is what you will project.

mammajess · 2021-12-23T09:11:39+00:00

You could have a codependency issue where you feel the need to accommodate peoples every desire. I kept naturally becoming a counsellor and for me it is because my mother put me in that role when I was growing up. It made me feel very vulnerable like people could just use me for that role. It also made it hard for me to set boundaries which meant that people didn't give me anything I wanted and sometimes really hurt me. What helped was learning about codependency and what I could do to take some power back. I really feel like you feel disempowered and if you work on that you will be in a better position to negotiate relationships. BUT this never means you can demand people to give you what they don't want to give you. Nothing can solve that issue except meeting people who find you attractive, having good boundaries increases respect though and makes you more attractive to women.

Title	What to do if women treat me like confidante?
Author	Outrageous_Buy_2952
Upvotes	2
Comments	12
Date	December 22, 2021 11:51 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/rmi6j8/what_to_do_if_women_treat_me_like_confidante/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/what-to-do-if-women-treat-me-like-confidante.1091116 https://theredarchive.com/post/1091116

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