Any advice welcome

SomeRedditNewb · 2022-01-05T03:31:37+00:00

I am not a lawyer, so take the following with a grain of salt-

Washington is a "community property" state, which means that everything in the marriage has to be split right down the middle. So, if you're the higher earner, the longer the marriage goes, the more she has to gain. If she's the higher earner, the more you have to gain.

Keep in mind- this applies to DEBT as well as income. So, if one of you runs up a bunch of debt, it will then get split evenly in the divorce- REGARDLESS OF WHO CREATED THE DEBT.

The longer the marriage continues, the greater the risk to either party.

If it were me, I'd push for a split right away, and get a legal separation date through the courts ASAP.

cschoonmaker · 2022-01-05T02:07:51+00:00

You don't provide enough info for anyone to really give you any advice other than "talk to a lawyer". You don't say if there are kids, martial property like a house, what state you're in (laws vary state to state). Is it amicable? Contentious? This Sub can be a wealth of info, but you have to ask the questions instead of hoping for mind reading.

Gattsama · 2022-01-05T07:49:45+00:00

Howdy, also in WA. Together for 17y, married 12y, separated ~2mo+. I told her I wanted to terminate about 1mo ago, she wants to work it out; I'm willing to see if she can change enough to provide me something of value. Have spoken to a lawyer and researched some, here's what I got:

As others mentioned WA state is 100% community property. There is no avoiding that, but you do not have to split everything 50/50, it just has to add up to 50/50.

For example, you can let her keep all her jewelry in exchange for you keeping your tools. Or you keep your 401k in exchange for equity in the house. You can also gift her things, just walk away from her jewelry for example.

If things are truly amiable you can ask for an uncontested divorce, you can even that yourselves online! You basically file out all the paper work, it's reviewed and filed by the online group, the judge approves / denies / ask for modifications. You sign off, 90 day waiting period, and sign again.

So the community property is a locked deal. No matter her lawyer or yours nothing much can be done there, just negotiated trade offs. BUT spousal support is highly variable.

There are two parts to spousal support: length and amount. Length in WA is generally split into < 5 years, 5-25 years, > 25 years. That middle group normally has a length of 1/5 to 1/3 the length on the marriage. Partly dependent on how dependent the other party is. > 25y and life long can be in the table.

Amount is all over the place. Normally it tapers with time. Eg 6k first year, 5.5k second, etc. There is no penalty for paying off early. But do NOT give her anything, until it's on paper and agreed as part of the plan; other wise that becomes a gift and does not count towards your support.

You can also use future spousal support to offset community property. Eg, she doesn't want to sell the house, but you are willing to. She owes you say 250k for the home, you will owe here $300k in spousal support. So you can decide to for go your equity in the house and pay less support.

There seems to be very little variation in the length, but the amount is all over the place. Looks like up to 40% of you GROSS take home.

In theory my STBX is ok with mediation / uncontested divorce if we can't work it out (I just call it). BUT that's what she says now, unclear if will be true if the time should come.

Good luck out there

pegleg_legal · 2022-01-05T08:07:04+00:00

There are three perilous situations that arise:

When you are the one seeking divorce that she doesn't want.
When she threatens divorce without meaning it and you accept.
When she seeks divorce because she feels she has no other options.

Even when things appear amicable, they'll end up not being so. Some will turn it into a firefight, others will just delay. If she doesn't want the divorce, you'll suffer.

So you should take all reasonable steps to protect yourself.

mofoFromDaNoSho · 2022-01-05T02:43:16+00:00

If there are no kids then it’s like it never happened ! Move on and be happy !

jimsmythee · 2022-01-05T14:11:02+00:00

I saw from your post comment that the main bone of contention is the house you two have.

She wants to keep it. That's fine. But you have to run some numbers on "how much equity is there, and what is my equity interest in the house?" I'll throw in some made up numbers.

The house is worth $300,000 and you currently have a $270,000 mortgage on it and the mortgage is in both names. That means that your equity in the house is $30,000. You each have a $15,000 equity interest in the house.

If she wants to keep the house, she needs to pay you this $15,000 and refinance in her name only with a new mortgage. So she would need a mortgage of $285,000. $270,000 to satisfy the old mortgage and then a cash out of $15,000 to pay you your equity interest of $15,000.

If she can't qualify for a mortgage in her name only, you can either give her time to do it, or if there's no way in hell she will ever qualify for a new mortgage in her name only in the next 2 years, then the courts will end up forcing a sale of the house and you each get your $15,000 out of the house equity that way.

RedPillLense · 2022-01-05T16:16:50+00:00

Stop trying to force anything and file for divorce if you feel that you two have come to the end of the road. As for the home, if you have good equity, maybe buying her out can benefit you. Don't worry about her living arrangements, I can assure you, she most likely won't care about yours. Good luck and be grateful this was only a five year marriage, most guys aren't as lucky and get ran through the hot Coles in a more tenured marriage. Go out and live your life, unapologetically.

Plastic_Foundation_8 · 2022-01-06T03:18:53+00:00

I would like to thank everyone here for all the advice we have agreed on a divorce and already decided and met with an attorney to split the house and assets. Thank you again everyone for all you advice and info

Title	Any advice welcome
Author	Plastic_Foundation_8
Upvotes	5
Comments	20
Date	January 4, 2022 11:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/rw7wgq/any_advice_welcome/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/any-advice-welcome.1094574 https://theredarchive.com/post/1094574

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