How do you deal with clinginess in your relationships?

templilwitch · 2022-01-27T17:23:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

_Glory-to-Arstotzka_ · 2022-01-27T17:54:30+00:00

I was in an LDR for several months until I was able to move to the same city he was living in.

First thing: Do you guys ever video call (or just regular phone call) together? Even if it's once a week, that helped us a lot.

Second thing: Is he a texter or a talker? My (now) husband is not a big fan of texting. It's mostly utilitarian. He much prefers calling over text. A result of that is that he either responds quickly if it's something that only needs a few words over text, or he doesn't respond and calls me instead when he gets the chance. In other words: PATIENCE IS KEY! He will respond in his own time to your messages.

Third thing: Why do you think you did something wrong? Do you not trust him to tell you if you did? Why do you fear he's going to leave you? Do you not trust that he'll bring up issues or let you know (and not just ghost you)? I was in that mindset for a time until I realized it was my insecurities doing the talking and not reality. Maybe you do need therapy, maybe you don't, but you need to learn to trust him as your (potential) captain. If after all that, you have any reason not to trust him about those, then you should really consider whether or not this relationship is worth the investment.

rosesonthefloor · 2022-01-27T20:27:12+00:00

You’ve got some good advice already, but I want to add: journaling!

I was in a relationship with a guy who couldn’t have his phone at work, and even after work he wasn’t a good texter. It drove me crazy, and I got insecure. Journaling really helped me to get my feelings out so they weren’t directed at him, and getting them out lessened the hold they had on me, so I felt less compelled to either tell him about them or ask for reassurance. It also helps you examine and understand the why of what you’re feeling as well.

I also recommend getting a creative hobby. Learning a new skill requires focus so you won’t be thinking about him, and working on something you can feel proud of (or even just productive) will help build confidence. Not creative? No problem! That’s why I like cross-stitch and crochet patterns - all you have to do is follow along.

EdessaKandros · 2022-01-27T17:22:42+00:00

I used to get the worst separation anxiety when I initially stayed home and quit my job. My life revolves around him, and it still does, but it was a bit maddening to literally only think about him all day even when he has his insanely long shifts. I managed these emotions by going out at least once a week to get coffee with a friend, sometimes I’ll go by myself and chat with the barista or the nice ladies in the shop, I’ve been diligent with exercising, painting, working on making my own cookbook, talking to family more often, etc. I fill up my time with meaningful moments that contribute to his happiness as well as my own.

Charles_Sebastian · 2022-01-28T05:44:26+00:00

You have truly accept and internalize that yet another request for affirmation will not end your anxiety. Indeed, it will only increase by rewarding the thought loops that brought you to this place.

And, you know this but it has to be said again and again, the repeated requests for affirmation will only make the outcome you fear more likely to materialize. Yeah, there is a bit of an emotional trap here because trying to face this increases and anxiety and the desire for an immediate release.

That's why it's best to do the work at time and place within this mental rollercoater where you're more calm. That can be hard because from the calm state looking back ar our axiebty behavior can feel embarrassing.

That is, however, simply the channel ground in which you have to work. While there think back to all the times it seemed so crucial that he respond, and he did respond yet how soon has that very same anxiety found a new way in.

Why will the next time be different? It won't be unless you're different and that means not falling for anxiety's bag of tricks.

anothergoodbook · 2022-01-27T17:24:45+00:00

Yes - I’ve been there. The best thing to start with is distraction for the immediate clinginess Typically once you start doing that you’ll figure out why you’re being so clingy :)

Basically - just stop doing it and find other things to do in the meantime. Then work on what comes up in your psyche.

fuwafuwarachel · 2022-01-27T17:46:08+00:00

I've been there. You need to find something that challenges and excites you outside of your relationship with this man. A thing that might help is setting a goal (rather than just nebulously "doing your hobbies"). What are your hobbies? You say elsewhere in the thread that you bake. Are there any baking skills that you might like to develop or master - for example, learning to make macarons? Think about it like that, and set a couple of goals and work towards them. As satisfying as it can be to cook and clean, it is pretty unengaging. You still need some intellectual stimulation, as without it your mind will just wander and start thinking about your partner.

2022-01-27T19:02:19+00:00

I can relate! My bf is very busy with work and sometimes takes hours to text back or forgets to text back even during non work hours. I don’t expect anything from him while he’s working but it’s hard when I feel like I barely get any of his time after work. We are also long distance so I don’t get to see him in person often.

I think your feelings are valid and make sense. I think you can also have expectations especially as the relationship progresses. I have had to tell my bf occasionally that I need more from him. That it hurts me when he doesn’t text good morning, or that I need to talk on the phone multiple times a week. And we’ve compromised and have some regular communication. Sure, it would be nice to text more or see him more. But I know that’s not how he does things so we need to kinda accommodate the other

wanttounbreak · 2022-02-10T02:33:24+00:00

Male point of view here. First relax! Relax, relax and relax! Youre not an entertainer, youre a lovely human being. And trust me, Id had been dating a woman like this, and I loved the clinginess. But, youve got to build some self confidence, youve got to learn to trust. Let us consider the most scary situation, someone breaks up out of the blue. Youre left alone, after investing so much. What then? Ill say good riddance. Ill say they wernt connected to you emotionally. Mark my words, if a man loves you, and if there is no misunderstanding, and if you tell him you feel like youre walking on eggshells, he will honor it and care for you. So, let the fear out of your heart, in relationships, wrong things dont happen non chalantly. Technically, you cannot do something wrong, if it is subconscious. Now, if you feel guilty before doing that, yes thats wrong. But if youre worried youve done something wrong, but cant remember what, then most probably youve done nothing wrong.

Title	How do you deal with clinginess in your relationships?
Author	templilwitch
Upvotes	19
Comments	16
Date	January 27, 2022 4:46 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/se2oxv/how_do_you_deal_with_clinginess_in_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-deal-with-clinginess-in-your.1097254 https://theredarchive.com/post/1097254

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