Being a more private person

hilariouslystated · 2022-03-05T08:21:08+00:00

I used to do that too! I would literally try to share my life story anytime I was around a group of people. I thought having everyone know all my experiences would make me appear more relatable and easier to get to know. LOL. Looking back though, I can say it didn't do much for me except for open me up for manipulation and emotional abuse since everyone already knew all my triggers. It took a while but I finally figured out that oversharing for relatability isn't even necessary. Not when you're dating or even when you're building new friendships. If that relationship is strong enough, with time, that person will know all that you want them to know about you.

I like this slower way of getting to know people though. It makes me a little more mysterious but also, if the relationship falls through, i haven't given away too much information about myself anyways.

IAteTheDragon · 2022-03-05T10:50:03+00:00

Oh I feel you 100%! I also finally realized doing this held me back from making positive changes in myself. Presenting myself in the context of my most vulnerable moments, regressed me to this exact same vulnerable state every time, as if I was keeping the 'old' me alive by replaying it over and over, and created a vulnerable narrative around my person, which was not beneficial for me in the slightest. Painful and traumatic moments might have 'made me', but it doesn't mean I have to identify with them anymore. 🧐🙂

SayNad · 2022-03-05T11:45:54+00:00

I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and tell everybody everything about me so they would feel comfortable and like me.

Whoever thought us growing up that this is the only way to get people to like us should be put into jail for life. Imagine how many heartbreaks and danger we could've avoid if we knew that being private and secretive is crucial for women, especially young girls.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2022-03-05T15:48:09+00:00

Female socialization is bad enough, but I feel like this day and age actively cheers exposing all your business as “authentic”, “raw and real” etc. Everyone is constantly online, sharing every personal detail. Influencers and other popular people with followings big and small; I always know that eventually I’ll be seeing a 20 minute video or something where they spill all their trauma or mental health struggles. It doesn’t matter what their content is, they can be gamers or artists or gossip channels or whatever and it’ll always eventually happen and it gets clicks every time as online sharks circle in the chummed waters. I really hate this cultural expectation, it seeps into the personal sphere too and it makes me cringe and I believe it’s generational. Not to be too “old man yells at cloud” here but there used to be a thing called “nobody else’s goddamn business”.

Young women: reclaim YOUR business! Showing your whole underbelly to everyone is NOT required for “authentic connection” and it’s a modern lie that it is. When you CHOOSE to share it is also your business and that could be NEVER and it’s perfectly ok because it’s your goddamn business.

Signed, your Gen X auntie.

Noemie_Mathilde · 2022-03-05T23:32:46+00:00

Yes! Vagueness and small talk are incredibly useful for a reason.

spicyspa · 2022-03-06T17:50:06+00:00

Same here. I was told to be open about myself and make people feel comfortable.

However, once people have gotten to feel comfortable, many walked over me because I gave them an opening.

So now I don't go out of the way for people to feel comfortable around me. I don't try to make them feel uncomfortable, I'm just not pandering.

It's more attractive too when you pull people towards you because they think you're mysterious. I'm nowhere near mastering that. Treating people like cats is the best way to mimic that. Don't approach them, just be in the vicinity looking mellow and content and they'll approach. You have to learn to feel content being alone and ignored. It's actually a sign of strength. This is different than being a wallflower waiting yo be picked.

Comments