The character-personality duality and how we hold ourselves back from spinning (better) plates

Disclaimer: this post assumes you have a basic level of financial independence, a sense of fashion and you look after your body (grooming and lifting).

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Summary

Personality and character, the most underestimated aspects of our SMV. A rich personality means we can express ourselves along the entire spectrum of energy, emotion, dominance etc. It manifests itself entirely on a primal level and it is where human connection happens. Our character determines how free we are to act independent of where we are on a primal level. There are massive differences (originating from the brain structure) between personality and character, yet their relationship is vital to build our mind, a mental hygiene and eventually a richer life.

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Body

Introduction

Our SMV is pretty much entirely determined by our genetics (looks, height, d*ck size), our earned attributes (muscles, money, status) and our learned attributes (personality, character, social intelligence). Incels tend to primarily focus on their genetic misfortune, mainstream boys religiously attempt to earn their way into the pussy, quickly turning into assholes crusading against all those who skip the line through developing an actual personality. Provider game has its place, but it’s overrated when spinning plates is what you’re after. Time and time again I see jacked guys in the club, high on their inflated self image but always trying to look cool, luring eyes around the room and plastic smiles waiting for the alcohol to give them a personality. Put in another way: looks, money, status are mostly just an opener, but nothing more. If we can’t hold a simple conversation, if we can’t be playful, sexual, if our energy is always low, stuck in a negative mind, only focused on getting laid, then our personality is entirely underdeveloped, plain and boring. Whatever plates we’ll be able to spin, it’s doubtful there will be any of actual quality.

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A rich personality

The first thing or two everyone notices about strangers in the street, in the gym or in the store is their awkwardness, their shifting avoiding eyes, their bent over posture, their plastic smile, their insecure voice, their trying to be cool and tough and indifferent, their imagined self-importance… In other words, their personality. We communicate with everyone around us continuously, we are able to like or dislike people from miles away. Everything we do - every gesture, every flex, every step, every look - our personality oozes out of every muscle we squeeze.

Our personality is entirely determined by our primal brain and limbic system. The most important dimensions of our personality when it comes to spinning plates are:

• Energy (low, high)
• Emotion (negative, positive)
• Dominance (following, leading)
• Empathy (compassion, antipathy, apathy)
• Focus (process-oriented, goal-oriented)

The size, depth and complexity of our personality then is the range of these dimensions we span. For example, our ability to tell a story with low and high energy, our ability to feel what someone else feels (compassion), emotionally disagree with it (antipathy) or to be indifferent towards it (apathy). Our capacity for sexual energy (without feeling emotionally embarrassed). Our ability to play our part in the male-female dominance polarity. Our ability to focus and enjoy the moment while at the same time leading her towards our bedroom. A rich personality means to possess the ability to move along the entire spectrum of every dimension instead of being stuck at any one side.

Important:

1. Human connection and attraction manifests itself only on a personality level.
2. This entire system of our brain has been around far longer than the development of logic, reason, and language (neocortex). The latter has therefore little to no part in the mating game. Of course the source of much beta confusion over “what to say to a girl” and why being smart won’t get you laid.

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A strong character

It’s safe to say “friendship circle game” is the most human adapt way of meeting sexual partners. For billions of years, our male and female ancestors ate, slept and traveled together for long periods of time, providing ample room to meet and select lovers or providers. That room of weeks to get acquainted with a stranger is in our world reduced to mere minutes. It is so obscure that more than 99% of men today living in metropolitan areas simply have no clue how to meet strangers other than through work or already established friends. It is only a meager few who have taken their fate into their own hands, and understood that their primal instincts can be retrained. With the logical knowledge that there simply is no scarcity of women around them, and a character to navigate through the short term discomfort, they leverage the well-established route of experience to reshape the primitive personality they’ve been given.

Our character is determined by the neocortex. We know what is good for us in the long run. We know instantly which choice is born from weakness, and which one from strength. Where our emotions can flip with a cup of coffee or the acknowledgment of a girl, our compass of strength points in the same direction until we die.

The strength of our character then - our ability to follow our character - is determined by how free we are to act independent of where we are on an emotional, energetic, empathic… level (where we are in our personality space). In other words, how much we can trust ourselves to actually do something (hit the gym, approach a girl) regardless of how we feel, our current focus, etc.

A strong character is what gives us control over our personality, and can ultimately shape it.

For example: do I always drift towards negative (antipathy) thoughts about others? Am I unable to become playful (process-focused, positive light emotions) after an exhausting day in the office? Do I just hope or wait to feel good, to feel motivated? These are classic symptoms of a weak character, of being unable to follow our inner compass of strength in those moments that it is needed the most.

Self-pity is experienced when we strongly want to do something but seem unable to commit ourselves to do it. We feel helpless, stuck. Character is therefore the opposite of self-pity. The latter often goes together with either a narrow one sided undeveloped personality, or an extremely unstable one.

Again, attraction is not manifested on this level. To have the character to run a marathon is not going to get you laid. The personality (and physique) you build with that character will. Also, extremely unstable (but rich) personalities are unfortunately often very attractive both to males and females, and it is only on a logical level that people warn “not to get involved”.

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The dichotomy

Often our personality and character are not aligned, which creates a dichotomy. We struggle with ourselves, we experience conflicting impulses and desires. We want to talk to a girl, but fear ridicule or rejection. We know lifting those weights will make us better, but we have to drag ourselves out of that couch to get ready and drive to the gym anyway. This dichotomy can range from a simple inconvenience to completely paralyzing us, but its nature is always the same.

The relationship between our character and personality, the relationship we have with ourselves, is key in developing both a rich personality and a strong character. If I have a dominant negative mind, chances are I’m unable to allow myself to fail, to look stupid, to be awkward. If somehow I did manage to try something new, I would beat myself up over it and quit the moment things go sideways. But to internalize something, in other words, to ingrain something you read or know rationally into your personality, requires a robotic awkward phase. You may remember the first time you did a barbell bench press or squat. It takes time and exposure to build all the small stabilizer muscles and muscle memory. Developing a healthy relationship with ourselves means being the first to laugh (not mock), to be able to put ourselves into perspective, and eventually motivate ourselves even more through failure.

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Examples on the influence of (and lack of) personality and character on your game

• You talk to a girl, solely goal-focused on getting laid. You are unable to be genuinely playful, enjoy the process and the emotional connection. You come across as too pushy, too needy.
• You are stuck in a high energy, positive emotion personality. Your voice is always too high, you’re talking too much. You think everything has to be funny. When she says something semi-serious, you laugh, she laughs awkwardly. No emotional connection. No meaningful rapport. She leaves.
• Personality entirely relying on leading. Risky thing to say in this sub but this is a strong character who forces his personality to be one dimensional. We’ve all sat at a table with that one guy who couldn’t give the word to someone else, always wants to be number one, always wants to call the shots, or is too aggressively playful (military style). Mostly girls just vanish. Being a leader of men also means knowing when to take a step back and redistribute attention.
• You try to talk to a girl in the street or in a club, she brushes past you, giving you a demeaning or creeped-out look. You’re sad (compassioned with her) or become resentful (antipathy response). You feel like shit, low energy, and you’re unable to be apathetic towards others when it matters. You go home and masturbate (zero character or ability to bounce back to another mind set).
• You can pretty much freely express your personality verbally and non-verbally along many dimensions. Many girls come and go. Your personality does not transform based on what she is looking for (healthy male-female polarity). You can open up about some shit going on in your life without becoming a needy fuck. You playfully build and break rapport. You’re in control of the sexual tension and don’t release it awkwardly by entertaining her. You can escalate physically because that’s what feels right in the moment. You have a personality that isn’t afraid to show itself and doesn’t mirror the one it’s looking at. Congratulations, you’re spinning a plate you actually want to spin.

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How to develop personality and character

Of course first understand which dimensions of your personality are underdeveloped and whether you have a predominantly weak or strong character. Mostly you can figure out for yourself what it takes to train those aspects. The basic idea will always be to “lean into your edge”. The following are my top compound exercises for the mind:

1. Approach and talk to girls. Preferably on the street (no reliance on alcohol). Exposure is the one true way. Set yourself a daily or weekly approach target. Measure progress as you do in the gym.
2. Lift. Lifting has many benefits, among which stimulating the right chemicals in your brain, feeling your limits, experiencing the spectrum of energy, dominance, focus, and building a strong relationship with yourself. Recommended to have a consistent gym schedule (follow a program and stick to it).
3. Travel. And I don’t mean the Instagram hotel exotic far-away destinations. Travel with a tent in your own country. It’s relatively cheap and builds strong independence of mind. Helps you stretch your weakest personality traits ingrained by our comfort society. Helps you put looks, money and status in perspective.

You may be disappointed to see these three above as you’ve known them for many years now. But personalities are not built on knowledge. All these exercises require you to overcome discomfort and do it anyway. Therefore they’re ideal for building a stronger character. There’s no magical quick fix pill to it, nor does it take wild, exotic mind-blowing rituals. If you have difficulty connecting with people (and girls specifically), I can only encourage you to go out and observe the effects of these exercises on your mind.

As training a muscular body inspires physical hygiene, training a rich personality inspires a mental one. The latter has come to me rather effortlessly as boundaries on my own bullshit, and that of others. The handful of guys I know who consistently approach girls, lift and make time to travel have this in common, as well as building powerful connections and moistening panties wherever they go.