Bear with me through the intro, it's needed for context -

My buddy got broken up with not long ago. Seemingly out of nowhere to him and it messed with him for a couple of weeks. It surprised me a little how she broke up with him, because he’s a real one and he knows his way around ladies etc. Most naturally red pilled person I know, still, as you will see in this post, he fucked up bad.

A month or so before he got broken up with, we were talking about relationships and ladies in general. I’m not so sure anymore how the convo started, but at one point I was preaching open relationships and its benefits (even though I am in a ‘closed’ LTR; I like playing the devil’s advocate). Anyway, he said that wasn’t for him, that if he was committed he was really committed and wanted a ‘ride or die’ type of thing. He also went on about how this girl was making him a better person, so I asked him why & what is his philosophy behind this attitude?

He went on to ramble about his dad (Mandatory backstory; His dad was an extremely successful athlete and developed a little gambling problem that almost cost him his career). His dad eventually met his mom who (according to my friend) helped him turn this negative cycle around and he became even more successful, also in business after his sport career.

His argument being that the ‘right’ woman can really improve your life. At the time, I got what he said and there’s validity to it, but it still irked me the wrong way for some reason. I wasn’t sure why though and I had been drinking, so I let it slip.

Only this morning, after reading some OG posts from ECs yesterday, one from u/Heathcliff– about emotional investment especially, it finally dawned on me.

We all know that a woman who is more emotionally invested than you will not leave you unless you tell her to. Now my buddy here, especially in hindsight, was obviously the more emotionally invested person, which became especially clear after seeing how the breakup fucked him up. The more important/interesting question is why? Of course, it had something to do with him thinking this girl was specialTM, a mistake as old as time.

But what is more fascinating to me, is why her being special was so significant to him and making him needy. You see, it’s never just about the girl being special, it’s about what you believe that her being special will bring to you. Essential distinction to make. It’s related to the story about his dad and the idea that the right woman can improve or even significantly change your life around. I realized that what irked me the wrong way about this, is that it’s a BP half-truth. On a surface level, it’s true; women can improve you and be an addition to your life. But if you take a closer look, you will always find the guy already had his shit for 98% together (no woman is turning the life of some bum around) and the woman in question just gave him the metaphorical push over the edge. The guy of course still has to put in all the work himself.

He fucked up by thinking he had found a ‘specialTM’ girl like his mom, who can drastically improve his life. You might realize somewhere in the back of your mind that your woman (if you got a good one) is improving you in xyz and without her, you’d be missing out. Objectively, can be true. However, this must not become your attitude. Your attitude must remain that you don’t need the bitch and you’ll be fine even with her gone. Which, you will be.

Don't get me wrong, the right woman can have a very positive impact on our lives. But there is an inclination to get caught up in our feelings, view things disproportionately and assign too much significance to the (positive) impact a woman is having on our lives and before you know it, you think you are dependent on her and become needy & unattractive.

He had become dependent/fixated on the idea that finding the right(special) woman will improve him and his life and putting a burden of performance/unrealistic expectations on her and she, of course, ended up checking out.

Peace