STBX and I have good careers. Both 43. Two elementary school age children. I have had to walk away from a lot of opportunities and decline promotions to attend to the kids while she has worked on her career for 11+ years which is how long we have been married. She also has side hustles that keep her busy in the weekend. I support by taking care of the house and kids.

She comes from a dysfunctional family. Her siblings (7 of them, yeah I know..) have a parasitic relationship with her and guilt her into spending a lot of money on them and their out of wedlock teenage children. Over the past couple of years, I discovered

- she bailed one of her nephews who was accused of aggravated assault ($20k). He was supposed to pay monthly but he flaked so that put any property we own in danger

- she used her 401k (which we agreed would be our nest egg) as collateral took out $10k. She refuses to provide a clear answer what the money was used for

- She paid for her sister's mortgage for 7 years (~approximately $150k)

- she insists her elderly parent stays with us

- we have $0 for kids college

OK, I understand she earns money and does have the right to help her family of origin but looking at the above sums, it is outright foolish and I have come to understand she has no interest in securing our children's future. Also recognize, having consulted an attorney, her spending is 'community property waste.'

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At this point, I feel compelled to cut my losses and file for divorce. Life will be hard given we live in a large city but wont be impossible. On the other hand, having experienced early childhood abandonment, I dont want to break my children's home.

Those of you that have gone through a similar dilemma, please share your experiences.

Thanks