I just had my civil DVPO hearing. What a fucking nightmare this has been. I took a deal in the criminal case because she said she would testify against me if I didn't, and my lawyer said at that point it's not even worth fighting, and I'm more likely to end up in jail with a criminal record.

I took the deal because I thought it would make things simpler, help calm her down, but now she just wants more and more power and control. I fought the civil case, without a lawyer. She brought 50 page screed against me, dragged my name through the mud. She ended up putting together a revised statement after she hired a lawyer (because why the fuck not since she gets to just forward me the bill anyways). I was able to show that she made 8 separate material manipulations of fact during her revision process, trumping up accusations of false imprisonment and rape.

I showed that she wasn't credible, and I made such a good case that the judge limited her judgement against me to being based solely on the criminal case I had taken a deal in. Ain't that a fucking kick in the teeth? So now I've got another order, and it says among other things that I've got to do all my communication about our kid (who is due in June) through a fucking app maintained by the court.

I just can't. I really wanted to be a dad, and I really wanted to be there for this baby, but I can't do this. I don't know if I'll be held in contempt for not signing up for the app, but that's where I'm at with it. I don't have any questions to ask her, I don't want to talk to her, or answer her questions, or support her in any way while she is holding a gun to my head. So I think I'm just going to not sign up forthe app and ignore whatever she sends me outside of it.

I feel like I have to cut myself off from this now, before it becomes another way she can control and hurt me. Just accept that she's chosen to be a single mother, and that I don't get a say other than my ability to walk away. Maybe some day the kid will start to see through her bullshit and get curious about their dad and reach out to me , and we can have a relationship, but the way it looks now, it would do more harm than good for me and the kid to try to be a part of their life when doing that just empowers her to keep hurting me.