My boyfriend and I are in a serious long-term relationship and are very secure and happy together. We have a combination of traditional gender roles and bdsm in our relationship. He is my dominant and I am his submissive. He pays for dates and opens doors. I dress and behave in a feminine way. He cherishes and leads me. I respect and obey him. It works very well for us.

But there is one particular area in which I’m not sure what to do. I met my bf when he was pretty far along in his life already — we didn’t know each other during childhood or young adulthood. I know the basics of his life story, and unfortunately he has had a really hard life. Childhood trauma, teen trauma, adult trauma, all of it. He has been through counseling, stopped drinking, and has always been healthy and stable during our relationship. But sometimes I accidentally ask the wrong question, and it brings up bad memories for him. Usually he says that now is not a good time to talk about it, and that’s that.

But, I am curious about his past. He knows everything about my life, I have confided it all to him. I am completely open to him as his woman, I answer all his questions and vulnerably express all my feelings, and he rewards me with a compassionate and loving response. He, on the other hand, has only told me a few things, and it is only when he decides he wants to volunteer it.

I want to know what the red pill way is on this? Is it ok for me to ask him about his past? Or should I just focus on our present and future together? Does he need someone to confide in, and should I be that person? I’m not sure what is the best thing to do.