Barring hyper extremes, no single challenge or shortcoming is insurmountable in dating

imissze90s · 2022-07-25T20:51:57+00:00

Avoidant Personality Disorder is a bitch.

Th0ma5_F0wl3r_II · 2022-07-25T20:51:21+00:00

To prove me wrong, you have to explain why a reasonably proactive, competent person can't overcome any one problem [ ... ] Similarly, tell me how a woman who has all those same things (job, fitness, social skills) can't find her looksmatch and marry him (if that's her goal).

All your comments put the responsibility on the shoulders of the individual. And to an extent, you make a completely fair point, but ... you seem to be overlooking the fact that dating is probably the most social thing you can do and therefore by definition it's about society.

And individual can make changes to their world, but not to the world as everyone else knows it.

And what you seem to have also overlooked as part of this is the massive impact online culture has had.

What if your someone in your late teens or early 20s and who wants an intimate partner, but who doesn't want to get involved in hook-up culture?

For a woman it must be nightmarish, especially if your a woman who is a late bloomer let's say, someone who recently has got into shape and found their "look" etc.?

What if she can't stand the thought of being dated by a guy she's almost certain might be trying to hook up with other women while he's hooking up with her?

And what about the dude?

A dude can work out, sharpen up his wardrobe but if he too is late to the party, his lack of experience and confidence is going to make him crash and burn fast.

In decades gone by, a woman might have been more patient with his "cute" awkwardness, but now she can just roll her eyes and do the real life equivalent of swiping left or whatever.

TL;DR You can change yourself, but you can't change society, If you don't fit it, it's hard to make yourself fit in no matter how many hours you put in the gym or what clothes you dress up in.

lostwanderer28 · 2022-07-25T21:24:40+00:00

If I look at students taking an exam, I usually see that most students who studied pass the exams as if there is some sort of guarantee. As if there is a rule saying:

If the student studied, then he is going to succeed.

Personally, whenever I prepared for an exam I succeeded everytime. Whenever I missed two or more topics I failed everytime.

But when it comes to relationships, we see all sorts of couplings.

fat man with fit woman
fit woman with fat man
fat man with fat woman
fit woman with fit man

Then we have people who

worked out, took care of themselves and got into relationship
worked out, took care of themselves and still get no interest from women

When it comes to relationships there seems to be no rule at all. Which pretty much kills all my motivation.

Though admittedly there are, like you mentioned, general rules which CAN, but don't guarantee success. For example, staying healthy, everybody loves healthy and being healthy is good.

empresa_josefina · 2022-07-25T19:58:40+00:00

This is a useless thread because “overcoming” a problem depends on how you define success.

Yes, any person can, with enough work, date someone somewhere. However what if they don’t like that option? Is that success or failure?

You said any woman can date her looksmatch. What if she’s not attracted to her looksmatch? Is that success or failure?

If someone is frustrated that they can’t get what they want due to some limitation, it’s hardly helpful to chime in “but you can get something you don’t want, so stop complaining.”

By the way, the difference between incels and Chads isn’t that Chad gets Stacy per se, it’s that Chads get what they want generally speaking.

Eric_The_Jewish_Bear · 2022-07-26T02:21:30+00:00

dude with asperger's here. while i wouldnt say its over for me, im definitely in hopeless territory and dont see it getting better. for context im white, 6'4, blue eyes, work out 6 days a week, in the middle of a move but going back to school in the fall.

your 3rd paragraph is mostly just wrong for people in my shoes.

working out is definitely possible these days since you either pop in some music at the gym like everyone else, or do some workouts at home; i wont argue that one (barring physical disabilities, but i dont think you were arguing they should work out too lol).

i can only speak for the USA, but getting a job (much less keeping one) is nearly, or in some cases, literally impossible for a lot of autistic people. if you google the stats youll get shit like this https://mydisabilityjobs.com/statistics/autism-employment/ which isnt too promising. school dropout rates and whatnot arent any better either. that being said, you can take this with a pinch of salt, since 'autism' these days can include intellectually disabled people, since aspergers isnt a medical diagnosis in the DSM anymore (or some shit)

i dont need to explain the social intelligence thing. google will do that better than i ever could, so im just gonna share an anecdote. i got diagnosed pretty early in life, since my parents noticed something was fucky pretty fast. i wanna say i was professionally looked at when i was 5 or 6 years old. when that happened i got therapy for social skills and shit like that (intellectually i was ahead at the time, just a social retard), but i ended up having to move to a state with nothing but the stereotypical special ed. that wouldnt do me any good so i was in regular/honors classes all through school. i 100% regressed and now that im grown, i doubt my brain is as malleable. being an american, i cant really get therapy or support for autism shit specifically bc of insurance. even if i could, resources for adults are very limited, and the therapies amount to lying to yourself until you feel better, or just masking more and more til you become another autism suicide stat. im not 100% sure what i can do as an individual about that.

sorry if i went off on a tangent. not entirely sober while im writing this. TLDR im autistic but not retarded enough to get sympathy and i feel bad

AidsVictim · 2022-07-26T23:33:11+00:00

But hey, I get it. Working out is hard. Finding a good job (or getting a better one) is hard too. I'd argue being socially intelligent isn't that hard, especially by comparison, but I'm also not suffering from any ongoing mental health issues. (Anyone who is mentally struggling should seek help before they even bother with anything else btw.)

Personality reformation is probably the most difficult out of any of this and most peoples main problem (assuming they aren't obese and/or hideous).

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RocinanteCoffee · 2022-07-27T23:10:29+00:00

Regardless of body or personality type most people will have dates/sex/and multiple relationships in their lifetime. Less than 3% of the population doesn't have that, and most of those are asexual/aromantic types who intentionally stay out of the dating pool/decline any offered romance.

Barring hyper extremes, no single challenge or shortcoming is insurmountable in dating

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Cultural decay

Title	Barring hyper extremes, no single challenge or shortcoming is insurmountable in dating
Author	GottaPSoBad
Upvotes	5
Comments	36
Date	July 25, 2022 7:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/w7x9kv/barring_hyper_extremes_no_single_challenge_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/barring-hyper-extremes-no-single-challenge-or.1124862 https://theredarchive.com/post/1124862