I just questioned my whole life after taking a walk because I felt sad. My entire life went like this: Forced into circumcision and army draft so girls or society will like it more. In school: the only time I got female attention or crushes on me was when I was top N1 of my class (elementary) and later only because I was very good looking. 98% of guys were single, and the only ppl dating was the dumb, arrogant but tall dude who was dating my elementary grade love, and the rest of guys were single. 1 maybe 2 girls had a crush on me only because I was good looking or n1 in success. Then invisible in high-school since I wasn't super hot or n1 in classes, nor tall.

The rest of my life I did self-improvement for years to attain the peak of my looks and a near-perfect personality. I had natural and insane confidence, was exciting, masculine, very successful and had moments of genius that everyone witnessed in most of 4 years of my college. I didn't even need or seek women and had multiple of them interested in me. But the only time I was pursued was by a shitty narcissistic woman that I dumped after 3 months because it was a manipulative abusive hell.

Imagine if I didn't have the top percentages of personality, intelligence and success. I had to be all those things because otherwise I was invisible and that's despite girls staring at me like crazy for most of my life because of good looks. And even now I do a million torturous things to be stronger and more resilient. I don't even fear death at this point lmao.

And even now, If I as much as have a single sad day like I did today, I become invisible. If I'm dominant or confident the next day, the "checking you out" begins again. I can't just be myself because "average is ugly." I have to be super successful, super hot, perfect personality of a god or all of the above and even then women do a few silly things and think that was a hint and call you gay and move on with their 200 matches. (I don't do online dating fyi.)

I doubt most guys would work so hard if they stopped for one moment to question things like I did today. Like why do they have to work so hard with all this self-improvement work; developing an amazing personality organically. Healing traumas, learning the right behaviours to not lose respect, the stuff about "frame," or attaining top levels in success, or doing no fap for whatever reason, changing entire lifestyle to raise testosterone so they can be considered attractive, torturing themselves with other things or 1000 pages of self-improvement and life tips and psychology just so they can be the top 1% and finally be desirable enough and... oops, probably end up with self-centered narcissistic women who only saw you as an object of success, a trophy or a walking moneybag, but was pretending to not be one.

Seriously. Why did any of you ever work to be successful or have money or be top at something to begin with? Why weren't you liked for just who you were? Maybe you liked nerdy shit or cried at some songs or sat by yourself with whatever you liked to listen or watch, and you were seen as a loser. Meanwhile the girls were being congratulated for having one hobby or put on a pedestral just for playing video-games. And they can be narcissistic or abusive and still seen as valuable. Where's your innate value? Why do we have to be all these things? Just be average guys, like non-god, normal humans are like, and turn invisible and be guaranteed to die alone. Why are we bothering with this crap?