I need help figuring out where I went wrong

HeelFaceSonny · 2022-08-05T22:19:28+00:00

She is trouble bro stay away from her

NutsLikeMelons · 2022-08-05T23:53:46+00:00

Women : “why don’t guys approach me any more?”

duhhhh · 2022-08-05T22:20:30+00:00

If you can, ask your boss to limit your interaction with that department as much as possible for the next week so she isn't uncomfortable. You meant no harm and are surprised it was taken that way. In the future, avoid dating anyone connected with work or school.

mikesteane · 2022-08-06T00:33:16+00:00

Don't do this at work.
Don't ask women out. Instead tell them "I'm going to be at (time, place), you can join me if you like."

I don't know what I did to make her uncomfortable.

You asked a direct question. Some people are uncomfortable saying no, hence the game is a sort of alternation of push and pull.

KhaosSama · 2022-08-05T22:19:28+00:00

This is a lesson I learned very young: never ever ask a coworker to go out

Never! It's the worst you can do and your image will be damage if things go sideways due to a false accusation of harassment or rape

Professional-Put-682 · 2022-08-05T22:14:56+00:00

Ghost her. Deny knowing who she is. She earned this. I wouldn't even look at her. She sounds like a professional victim in the making.

DavidByron2 · 2022-08-05T23:00:53+00:00

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. If she made false accusations against you AFTER dating her they would have been far more serious.

grrrrrrroar · 2022-08-05T23:20:40+00:00

What did I do wrong (morally): Nothing

What did I do wrong (practically): you weren't told that society is anti-male and hateful to the extreme that it is.

Do better next time. Learn to avoid talking to females more. At least the ones that have this hostility energy/aura around them. youll figure it out.

TheSnesLord · 2022-08-05T23:34:37+00:00

I need help figuring out where I went wrong

"So asked a girl out" - that's where you went wrong.

HikuroMishiro · 2022-08-06T00:45:12+00:00

You didn't do anything wrong, I'd just avoid contact with that group and you should be fine. If your boss or anyone else makes any comments later just give them a brief rational summary of what happened.

maskednil · 2022-08-06T04:07:16+00:00

Nothing wrong. It's just you're receiving lousy returns on your investment. Welcome to being a man. Don't expect niceness or rational direct behaviour from women even if you showed them niceness. Cut her loose immediately and don't even speak to her unless a manager is present.

Don't date a co-worker unless you're willing to put up with this kind of situation. And at work you have colleagues, not friends.

Halobruhv · 2022-08-06T00:54:50+00:00

The problem with this is you said, girl, work, asked out. Those three never go together when work is involved.

PettyCrocker_ · 2022-08-06T01:52:36+00:00

Don't dip your pen in the company's ink.

Extra-Strike2276 · 2022-08-06T03:21:00+00:00

Seems like she found a way to make her job more permanent at your experience. Just cut contact and never look at her again, and your boss might just have saved your ass by bringing it to your attention. It could be someone was jealous and tried to get at you by telling your boss you've made her uncomfortable, but it's more likely her trying to get your work to feel obligated to her and keep her around. Either way safest is to cut contact and act like you don't even know her.

randomaviary · 2022-08-06T01:16:20+00:00

This is why we shouldn’t approach anymore. If they’re this uncomfortable with us approaching, fine, we won’t, you do it instead.

Strong-Menu-1852 · 2022-08-06T02:53:14+00:00

Never get involved with girls at work, even if temporary, they can ruin you if things go wrong

Hulose77 · 2022-08-06T03:47:10+00:00

I don't think you did anything wrong She should have been more clear and firm with the way she handled your approach . It's okay dude keep your chin up

reticent-rich · 2022-08-06T13:09:26+00:00

Do not date coworkers. Ever. Masturbate at home and force yourself to go out and hot on girls in the city streets those who are between bouncer clubs. Not hookers.

I swear to god. People create drama just to test their skills. They might get a bonus for letting the boss play white night. Also you asked more than once per year.That’s pestering. If you are ugly/poor

Huffers1010 · 2022-08-06T10:47:05+00:00

Never, ever, under any circumstances approach people at work. Yes, for much of recent history it's been common for people to meet at work and that's been fine and normal, but in 2022 it's very much no longer okay. Yes, that's ridiculous, but you have to protect yourself.

Personally I think if management has become involved you're a dead man walking. Leave. Find something else. If it's a temporary summer thing there should be very little difficulty in doing that.

I wasn't there and I don't know how you behaved. Context is everything. Still, it's possible from what you've said that you have really done nothing wrong. Unfortunately that really doesn't matter. If she's felt strongly enough about it to go to the boss, she's very likely to be in a psychological state that pretty much denies any resolution. It's very likely she'll never, ever want to let it go, she'll never consider it resolved, it will never be over in her eyes. You will be a bad guy for the rest of eternity, and she, and her friends, will look for ways to take that out on you. In the modern politics what she considers you to have done is a stain on your character that can never be washed away; she will consider you a bad person and anyone she tells about that will almost certainly accept her emotions as facts.

Unless this is a professional career you absolutely cannot afford to give up, run like hell.

Angryasfk · 2022-08-06T12:12:09+00:00

Where you went wrong? Having an interest in a manipulative and gutless product of Metoo.

She didn’t want to go out with you. She lacked the guts to say no. And thanks to Metoo (which is supposed to be about men using higher positions in the pecking order to make women feel forced to submit - which doesn’t apply if you’re not even in the same department) she now thinks the solution to her “uncomfortableness” is to threaten your job by whinging to your boss.

As for when it’s safe? Beats me. I once had a girl flirt with me all the time. But she was in a serious relationship. I hadn’t pressed it, but some of my (older) coworkers made comments to her, and she told them. Perhaps we would have worked if she was single. But she wouldn’t have taken offence if I’d asked her - she’d have politely declined. But this was also pre-Metoo!

The girl is very young and naive, and likely has bought into Metoo and thinks every man at work is out to get her. And no doubt she’s “looking for signs”. It sounds like it’s her trouble, but your problem.

Keep away from women at work from no one, unless she shows real interest. And even then be careful. The boss is “expecting” trouble. This will die down if nothing else happens.

You just happened upon someone who was immature, but who is weaponised by the current toxic state of affairs.

arrouk · 2022-08-06T12:49:17+00:00

3rd option, boss can see a potential harassment case if she makes a big deal out of it. She may have not even said anything.

If you have her number message her to apologise for making her uncomfortable and letting her know tou won't contact her again. If she want to she can message back.

SteveorJimmyorJack · 2022-08-06T02:33:46+00:00

This is what I would do in your place: I would talk to her. Be always respectful and record the conversation. Ask her to explain where exacly you were wrong with her. Did you offend her? Then, HOW??? Don´t forget to recount every detail of your previous conversation to confront her. And whatever she uses as excuse, it will be against her. If she misunderstood anything, she will apologise; or the other scenario: the inner skunk will reveal itself. Then, you show the recording to your boss. He will never hire her again as he will be himself affraid of some low trick from her.

Icy-Wallaby4326 · 2022-08-06T09:08:11+00:00

Don’t talk to you’re boss about it. He doesn’t care he just wants things to go smoothly.

Obviously don’t interact with her other then a hello and nothing more. She may not be at fault but it’s not worth the risk. You see what it did to you until now.

Possible_Squash_9106 · 2022-08-06T11:04:30+00:00

Well she’s probably sick in the head but for future interactions:

You asked her out and she said yes. You should’ve said “cool. Tomorrow after work? great. I’ll pick you up.” and that’s it. You tried to fit in her frame and that’s when she lost interest

KidRetro_95 · 2022-08-06T13:35:24+00:00

I don't think you did anything wrong, sounds like she's just the typical office drama loving type

TempleFugit · 2022-08-06T15:53:43+00:00

You asked to swap info TWICE... Once is sufficient, twice is "pressure".

Armando1917 · 2022-08-07T00:39:26+00:00

Ever heard the phrase don’t shit where you eat? I plan to never date at work, period

Lazy_Major_5106 · 2022-08-07T20:59:31+00:00

NEVER date where you work. It's not the 70's anymore and you may meet your future partner where you work but its current year and you are more likely to end up in HR.

Edit: just so you know you did nothing wrong and she threw you under the bus. You have the right idea on how to handle it. She should be persona non grata in your world now.

Title	I need help figuring out where I went wrong
Author	Tyreal676
Upvotes	57
Comments	56
Date	August 5, 2022 7:19 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/wh3voo/i_need_help_figuring_out_where_i_went_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-need-help-figuring-out-where-i-went-wrong.1126527 https://theredarchive.com/post/1126527

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