My wife is gaslighting me (I think, I'm so turned upside-down)

James1933-75 · 2022-08-11T09:22:27+00:00

Does she have any official diagnosis? Has she seen a psychiatrist in the past?

Ignore that comment by that woman with regard to you interrupting, she is clueless. That said, don't call your ex, or interrupt her if somehow you get in a conversation. You are JADE'ing, and you need to stop (justify, argue, defend, explain).

When you are abused for a long time, you can develop reactive behaviours, put a tight leash on yourself.

As others have said, record everything if you are anyway near her.

Your wife is unhinged. Infidelity is a real possibility her. I have a friend who also has a carbon copy situation of you, and it turns out his ex had been cheating their entire marriage. Don't underestimate the possibility. Check the call logs, if you pay her mobile cell bill, get a list of her texts.

Gattsama · 2022-08-11T10:03:17+00:00

DARVO - deny attack reverse victim offender.

Is a manipulation tactic. You try to address an issue. They deny your claim. Then attack you for making the claim or the premise. Then reverse the situation and state how you are attacking them and they are the real victim here.

For example: STBX asked me what she could do to take better care of me. I said 'I don't feel supported.' Her response: "My god, I don't believe this. You don't feel supported. Everything I do is to support you. I do so much, way more then you deserve or anyone else would do given how horrible you treat me. WTF, I ask you a loving question and you spit in my face. I am never seen or appreciated. You are a horrible husband."

I tried to post a video link but post was deleted by bot, on YouTube search 'DARVO shrink4men' for more info.

Also highly recommend the book/audiobook "Stop Caretaking the borderline or narcissist." Not saying that's your wife, just that the manipulation techniques and tactics are similar, and you need to recognize them so you can learn to protect yourself.

Be safe out there...

HelixFish · 2022-08-11T10:39:12+00:00

By staying with her you are normalizing her behavior and telling your kids that it’s okay. Please, for the kids sake and yours: divorce her. I will never, ever, get better. Show your kids it’s not okay. Divorce her. Your life will be 100000000% better without her and your kids will have a safe space, without her. Please. Get out now. See a lawyer, file, have her removed from the house. File a TRO. Make more recordings if you are in a single party consent state.

upvotersfortruth · 2022-08-11T08:19:43+00:00

She's the one who's raising her voice and flipping out. And the way she switches from B to Brandon in a way to manipulate. Keep up the recordings. Hopefully (well, not hopefully but you know what i mean) you can get her threatening you as somewhat of a prophylactic to a TRO.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-08-11T09:44:34+00:00

You need to move back in. Today. It's your house, and she can't force you to leave. Read more here why you need to remain in the marital home until divorce is finalized: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=81622

You need to protect yourself from false DV allegations. Here's how and why: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=80375

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-08-11T16:39:22+00:00

My wife has a terrible temper and has for 20 years.

I do not know what happened to my wife - the love of my life.

What is wrong with you brother? Do you enjoy being treated like this? Wake up!

Reach around back and feel that bumpy thing. It's your spine. Now reach between your legs and feel those two round things? Those are your balls.

STOP letting her treat you like this. She will never respect you as long as you are weak like this.

Stop living a gynocentric life. Read the book No More Mr Nice Guy.

You can do this brother. We're here to help you.

Front-Lion-5098 · 2022-08-11T17:31:09+00:00

Bro I listened to it. She is insane. You were not yelling, she is just trying to come up with reasons, anything, to convince herself that the relationship is not working - she wants out - so let her. You will never win with a person like this.

david10277 · 2022-08-11T17:31:30+00:00

Shes a narcissist.. Educate yourself.. on gaslighting , projections, tri angelation, manipulation.

Its classic traits of a narcissist. Divorce her shes toxic.

cleats4u · 2022-08-12T02:50:53+00:00

This sounds like Bipolar 1 or 2 disorder (I was married to one). Could be borderline personality disorder too. Does she drink alcohol or do recreational drugs? That would be a real mess...for you! You really should talk to an attorney before you wind up in jail. She is also using the kids to say every time daddy calls mommy gets upset and starts crying.

My wife is gaslighting me (I think, I'm so turned upside-down)

Crosspost "My wife is gaslighting me (I think, I'm so turned upside-down)" from /r/marriageadvice:

Comments

Title	My wife is gaslighting me (I think, I'm so turned upside-down)
Author	R0SEY-ZER0
Upvotes	4
Comments	10
Date	August 11, 2022 7:11 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/wll126/my_wife_is_gaslighting_me_i_think_im_so_turned/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/my-wife-is-gaslighting-me-i-think-im-so-turned.1127766 https://theredarchive.com/post/1127766