Once upon a time, I dated a woman who I loved more than myself. We talked about being each other’s first sexually. We spoke about marriage and being with each other forever. We promised each other that we would wait for each other as long as necessary. And that we would be for each other forever. I was so crazy in love with her. Then out of the blue she just started pressuring me to go and see her, when she knew that I didn’t have the money. She started breaking up with me for really stupid reasons or because she just felt like it (or so it seemed to me). When she would break up with me, she wouldn’t even be sad. I would be so sad and she just had poker face. We broke up around 20 times and I had to use all my mental energy and persuasion skills to keep her around. She would constantly accuse me of cheating when I only had eyes for her. It reached a point in which I started to suspect her of cheating and she was just projecting it towards me. Until I one day I just couldn’t take it anymore of her jealousy and constant breakups that I decided to break up, to which she just blamed it all on me and said that I was the one who wanted to break up. The woman who broke up 20 times with me said that… I think that she was projecting and she actually wanted me to break up with her. Soon after she lost her virginity to strangers (if she was actually a virgin at all) and she even told me that she was afraid that she might have contracted HIV. By that point, the love spell was broken, all the magic love dreamy air that I felt with her was gone and so was any trust to any of the things that she told me. I felt that she never loved me and that I was just a pass time for her until she could find someone better. I told her this and she of course denied it and said that it was all my fault. She has had many partners since me and the lovely girl that I once loved is long dead and buried. But here I am almost a decade later, still single , never have had sex with anyone and unable to find love.