ONS pregnant - UK

Sirhugh66 · 2022-09-07T10:30:03+00:00

You were drunk? Fuck, you were raped.

NutsLikeMelons · 2022-09-07T09:30:39+00:00

Tell your mother. The lie is worse.

Start adjusting your finances in line with the risk of child support.

Do not date her, do not sleep with her, definitely do not marry her. Be prepared to demand a paternity test and do not sign a birth certificate.

Don’t meet the baby, hold it, nothing. And for God’s sake use a condom next time. This part is on you.

This is probably going to fuck your life up one way or another, maybe this year, maybe in 2040.

Finally, talk to her again. It’s not too far along for an abortion. Chances are excellent it isn’t yours anyway.

pearl_harbour1941 · 2022-09-07T13:16:49+00:00

As someone who has been in a similar position to you, getting a woman pregnant in the UK, from a ONS, and not wanting the baby, this is how it went for me.

I heard nothing for a couple of years, all good.

All of a sudden I get a letter from Child Support saying she has named me as the father, and I'm uo for 16 years of payments, or I can formally challenge paternity at my own cost by getting a DNA test.

I knew the baby was mine so I didn't challenge. I have no legal rights. None. I can't divorce myself, I can't give the baby up, I can't just stop paying. No rights.

Women change their minds. Most men know this. When she gets needy for money, or needs any kind of benefit from the government, it's actually the government that will apply on her behalf.

You're screwed, sorry.

Best tell your mum now, she'll be more upset when she finally finds out after several years of keeping it a secret.

RunawayGrain · 2022-09-07T15:37:07+00:00

She is 100% sure the baby is mine.

Get a DNA test so you can be 100% sure the baby is yours too.

2022-09-07T09:25:47+00:00

This is why I don't have sex outside of marriage OP today along with many other reasons. It's too risky for men, birth control can fail or she can even straight up lie about being on it and there is nothing you can do. Currently you do not know if she is actually pregnant, she might not be and if so literally get on your knees and pray being thankful and follow this classic advice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5F9P8coPIg.

Everything she says right now can and will change if she is pregnant and you have no ability to say anything about it, I wouldn't count on it being anonymous or you not being involved, a woman's highest loyalty is usually not to her man but to her children especially if you had a ONS, just how they are. If she needs help financially congrats you will be the provider no matter what she or anyone else says, even if she doesn't come after you if she ever applies for assistance, the government will hunt you down, plenty of cases of this happening.

I know you think not being involved is the right thing to do and you are scared but ultimately you did choose to sleep with her and it could be your kid (get a paternity test though to be sure). You have no obligation to care about the woman or get further involved with her but man if it's your kid, he or she will need a male influence in their life, not hating on single mothers here but statistics have clearly shown they will be likely be fucked up without a good male influence. Even if you're not able to provide real material support in the end, do try to make sure the kid has some good guy around aka the girl's father or if she really wants to keep it, consider putting them up for adoption to a nice couple who can't have bio kids.

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2022-09-07T13:00:14+00:00

Get everything she has told you in writing and if possible on video. Do not sign the birth certificate. When she inevitably changes her mind don't talk about anything without a paternity test.

And if you really want to go nuclear file a rape claim against her since you were drunk and could not consent. It wont do anything but there will at least be documentation of what happened.

CAWitte · 2022-09-07T20:17:41+00:00

Probably will get downvoted for this, but fuck it. Get a DNA test. If it’s yours, own up to it and support that kid and either show him what it means to be a real man or show her what a real man looks like. Actions have consequences, and I’m of the belief that life begins at conception. There is zero excuse to punish that child because you (and I’m assuming her) were drunk. But you CAN help to raise a decent person that will contribute to society.

plush_pilot · 2022-09-07T06:35:55+00:00

If she's fine being a single parent, let her, it isn't your responsibility.

SteveorJimmyorJack · 2022-09-07T14:17:24+00:00

That is really suspicious... I heard so many stories that now I am always suspicious when a woman is very willing to have a one night stand with no protection, and now she is not worried about a relationchip with the father of the child that she wants to keep?

Did you see her swallow the pill? Kinda looks like a Debbie Gallager move. First of all, make sure the child is yours. Then be prepared because she probably will make you pay the Hell for the kid, or force you into a relationship.

Perheaps she is actually a good person, who knows? And that was really an accident? But we are not used to that kind of bitter ending. Is the right thing if you ask her to do a test to know who the father is. And she is an adult, so she understands it is her obligation to do it.

Inevitable_Brain9852 · 2022-09-07T20:21:02+00:00

If she tries to get child support. Bring up you were drunk. You don’t need to press charges just make it clear you did not consent and threaten to press charges and hopefully she’d back off.

lzzbian94 · 2022-09-07T14:01:10+00:00

Lawyer up. Get a document written by the lawyer saying she agrees that you won’t be liable in any way for the child at any point in its life. Then have her sign it

velvetalocasia · 2022-09-07T07:56:59+00:00

I‘m so confused…..what would a „copper coil“ have done at that point in time?

Forcetobereckonedwit · 2022-09-07T15:16:50+00:00

In today's world you are not allowed to have any say in the decision to abort or not. Your only recourse is to have a dna paternity test when the baby is born. If she is indeed going to have this child and it is also your crotch fruit, then you have a moral obligation to be a father to the child regardless of financial involvement or day to day parental involvement. Perhaps working out some sort of agreement with the mother. Even if you choose to not be involved in the early years, connecting later in the child's life will be important. Kids need mothers for the first years and definitely need their fathers after maybe 6 or 7.

It totally sucks and I feel for you but that's my personal opinion. I grew up without a father and it had a massive negative effect on my life arc.

SpicyNippss · 2022-09-07T20:23:32+00:00

First, keep absolute minimal contact if you don't want to be the child's father, second vasectomy, third get a DNA test for the child soon after it's born. Do not neglect the final step. I think if you don't contest it soon the state will default you as the father, and it's very hard to reverse that.

Otherwise, that's life. Accept the shit sandwich and move on.

You could also work three jobs, save all your money, and move to a really cheap country that doesn't enforce child support orders. Latin America comes to mind.

Artimiz2001 · 2022-09-07T21:27:04+00:00

Your fucked in the Uk. I just did a research for class . She can come for the money and still keep you out of the child’s life . You don’t even need to agree .

throwAway_MensRights · 2022-09-08T00:33:21+00:00

Even if you both were on the same page, and fully agreed to custody, visitation, payments, everything, you can still be screwed later. Sounds like you're there.

But remember child support payments are not for the mother. They are for the child. The crown can make you pay to support your child even if both parents don't want to. The crown can order many things unilaterally and change in the future.

Title	ONS pregnant - UK
Author	WelshWizard82
Upvotes	4
Comments	66
Date	September 7, 2022 6:27 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/x7xou5/ons_pregnant_uk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/ons-pregnant-uk.1129784 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129784

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