How to let go of husbands mistakes?

stripe_throwaway · 2022-09-10T23:52:04+00:00

Think of the consequences of mistakes as tuition for a lesson learned. Shifting your mindset about mistakes might help change your mindset about the mistakes he's made.

He's got to be in a position to learn from his own mistakes. Sometimes the best way to learn is unfortunately the hard way. If you find yourself constantly intervening, maybe it's time to take a step back. You could be inhibiting his growth.

If he's repeating the same mistakes over and over again and you're intervening every time, he's missing out on an opportunity to grow. If he's repeating his mistakes over and over again without intervention, then maybe talking through the incident without judgement and encouraging him to think critically without being demeaning can help.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2022-09-12T15:28:03+00:00

He is a flawed human. The one thing you can be sure about is, he'll make more mistakes. Hopefully, he (and you) will make better mistakes tomorrow.

You were there to avoid some of the downfalls. Good. Is it "fair" that his mistakes impact you negatively? Well... you two are a team. And sometimes, you need to take one for the team. Turning it into a you vs him battle won't help you, won't help him, and won't help your marriage.

Can you start by accepting that he'll do things differently than how you would do them? If you are very organized, you might have a hard time letting go of control. But maybe his energy can actually balance yours. Your marriage needs two people to work - two people who think and act differently.

It's ok to be angry, upset, disappointed, hurt, scared, frustrated... can you accept that you feel this way now? Can you give it space? The trick about giving space to these feelings is that sometimes, when you do, you find out that there's space for something else too. They can be there without coloring your whole relationship. Don't attach blame to them. Don't get hung up on forcibly letting things go - allow them to simply be. Don't look for faults, look for the breath that gets caught in your throat and the burn in your stomach. You feel this way now. That's simply how it is - because you are human and he is human and this is life. Can you breath through it?

NamelessOneHere · 2022-09-11T02:38:40+00:00

Maybe you can think in terms of letting go of your old expectations.

You were hoping that your careers would progress along a certain path, at a certain pacem that didn't happen.

Your life - your shared life with your husband- has something else in store for you. Focus on discovering what's in your future.

DifficultyMindless53 · 2022-09-11T10:03:35+00:00

Well, marriage is fraught with mistakes and issues. That's how it works when you're partnered with literally any other human being. They're going to be stupid and imperfect. So are you. That's really what it comes down to. So long as these issues are not a reason for you to consider divorce, you need to understand that you could easily make equally catastrophic mistakes.

As for the actual act of forgiving the mistakes: Realize that he knows these things were mistakes, and mistakes are learning opportunities. Is he still doing the things that put him in these situations? Or is he at least attempting to improve his ability to avoid these situations? Then cut him some slack and understand that he took it seriously and that he is learning, just like you or I would. That is all that can be expected.

NikiY12 · 2022-09-11T08:33:26+00:00

While there really isn't a lot to go on here, has your husband been tested for ADHD?

I only ask because poor organisational skills is one characteristic as is impulsivity which can have dangerous consequences. While ADHD itsself isn't life threatening, the life expectancy of someone with ADHD is a lot shorter due to the much higher risk of doing something that could result in a loss of life.

If it is something like ADHD, you have a tough road ahead of you and you will need to learn all about the condition and manage your expectations accordingly.

I ask because both my husband and I have ADHD, I have the hyperactive type and he has the inattentive type so it's actually really tough to handle. We are learning about each other's particular characteristics and learning what we should (and shouldn't) expect from each other.

There's no point expecting something that isn't possible.

For example I'm usually late for everything, I try very very hard but always manage to be late and it's due to a mismatch in time perception. He gets fixated on things (even interrupted a dance class we were at once to Google something because he couldn't let it go!😅). It's pointless either of us getting annoyed about it or arguing with each other, rather better if we can help each other out and only expect what we're actually capable of.

brushshstrokes · 2022-09-11T01:31:28+00:00

Marriage counseling?

AutoModerator · 2022-09-10T23:37:19+00:00

Title: How to let go of husbands mistakes?

Full text: My husband has made a fair few mistakes during our relationship. I understand that everyone makes mistakes but two have been really detrimental and it just makes me lose my trust in him. I guess sometimes I just don't feel secure and safe. And that makes me sad.

One mistake nearly cost him his life. If I didn't intervene he'd either have been severely injured or dead. The second, because of his lack of organisation skills, he has missed out on a very significant step in his career progression. And of course that effects my work too because we had planned to move there.

How do I look past these mistakes? I feel like I just can't let them go because they upset me so much (especially the first one, because he could have died). How can I trust him again?

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Negotiation-Honest · 2022-10-19T05:11:33+00:00

What exactly were the mistakes?

Title	How to let go of husbands mistakes?
Author	crazychooks
Upvotes	11
Comments	14
Date	September 10, 2022 11:37 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/xb3fcz/how_to_let_go_of_husbands_mistakes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-let-go-of-husbands-mistakes.1131475 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131475

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