At the heart of being feminine (IMO) is vulnerability and emotions where masculinity tends toward logic and stoicism.

However, in situations where a woman needs to be emotionally strong or even stoic at times - how does that balance with femininity.

I am trying (have been trying for years) to really embrace the feminine and understand what that means. My husband used to always encourage me to be vulnerable and open with my emotions- particularly the sad/lonely type emotions so he could comfort me. With our marriage being the way it is that’s changed. He expects me to be more stoic and stronger with handling how I feel. Now granted some of that I warranted. We have kids and a person can’t fall apart when tending to their children’s needs. But I think he tends to be extreme by thinking our (mine and his) wants and desires and even needs always come secondary.

With all that being said, I had to buzz my mom’s hair. Chemo is taking its toll and we finally just bit the bullet. I want to be strong for my mom and not have to lean on her for comfort, but that she can lean on me. Also I still need to provide structure for my children and can’t fall apart. I suppose I wonder where emotions and feeling my emotions vs being stoic fit in to all of that. Especially since my husband (while giving comfort in his own ways) is not particularly available or open toward me.

For example, I told him last night that I was going to buzz my mom’s hair. He got upset that I’d be using our clippers because if I nick her then would I need to throw them out because of the contamination (we have to wear gloves when doing her laundry and be careful of an exposure to bodily fluids). I was frustrated because he totally missed the point of this being an incredibly emotional moment for my mom and myself.

His logic and stoicism are the first reaction and he got snippy when I said it wasn’t why I was telling him. It is because it’s something really hard for me to go through.

I guess it’s trying to figure out the balance of letting go and feeling something versus just ignoring that it hurts and moving through it. And where is the space for me to deal with it. I would like to lean on my husband , but he also feels I’ve used him too much as a crutch in the past. He’s not particularly available in general and he has a lot on his plate at the moment as well.