Been with girlfriend for 7 years I’m 21m she is 23f, thinking of getting married. Advice?

throwawayok272728492 · 2022-11-20T20:50:44+00:00

You can only make this decision. I wouldn’t get married at 21 years old because you’re barely an adult at that age. People tend to change due to life experiences between 19-25 in my experience. I almost got married a couple years ago because my gf was pressuring me to do it. Made me think a lot about why and what benefit does it have for me. Most men where I work are divorced and miserable. Kind of made me think that just because I found a girl who says she won’t divorce me later on means they didn’t find one. Well…maybe at the time that was the case for them too.

tuppydog · 2022-11-20T20:37:51+00:00

23 years of what I thought was a great marriage, woke up one day and she said “I love you but I’m not IN love with you”. Its been 4 years since that statement, separation divorce, 1/2 assets gone, house gone, friends gone $1800/mo child support (no alimony). All because she thought that the grass was greener (it wasn’t).

PackMindless8776 · 2022-11-20T20:30:48+00:00

Don't

ImaginaryDimension74 · 2022-11-20T20:27:09+00:00

Talk to a lawyer versed in family law in your state.

noloco · 2022-11-20T21:36:24+00:00

Not for legal protection but for happiness has a joint account and personal accounts. Make sure you have enough in your personal accounts that any and all fun money goes through it. You don’t question her spending and she shouldnt question yours.

heeroena · 2022-11-20T20:53:51+00:00

Check the divorce laws where you live. Statistically getting married that young has a higher chance of ending in divorce Also https://youtu.be/3hSba5W1tl8 https://youtu.be/0X88YusW1JI Strongly advise you watch this guy's videos

63daddy · 2022-11-20T21:51:27+00:00

What’s your hurry? Give it time.

Acrobatic_Sport_7664 · 2022-11-20T20:35:46+00:00

Mistake!

AbnormalConstruct · 2022-11-20T22:18:34+00:00

Among what other people said, brother, dating said girl at 14 doesn't really constitute truly as time spent with her. I would definitely wait longer, at least.

yoitsericc · 2022-11-20T21:03:37+00:00

Marry a virgin.

DOBLU · 2022-11-20T22:12:44+00:00

Hello, follow your heart man. If you believe she's the one go for it. And it's okay to get married at 21.

real_donald_pump · 2022-11-20T22:40:10+00:00

I'm about to be extremely real with you bro.

I got married at 20. If it weren't for my amazing son, I'd say it was the worst mistake I've ever made. When I came out of that marriage at 21, I was the biggest alcoholic ever. That lasted for 3 months. Afterward, I joined the army, and figured my life out.

Then I got into a relationship I never should have been involved in. Manipulation from the get go. I have trust issues that might never go away because of it. I got married to her. Later that year I had a stroke. My recovery was brutal, and most of it I had to do on my own. Without me working, I couldn't afford rent. We went our separate ways for a time, because our respective parents didn't have enough room for a married couple. Then we got back together. I had recovered enough from the stroke in order to work again, but my body still needed a ton of sleep. She manipulated me and mentally abused me during that time. Physical abuse happened rarely, but still happened. I tried for a long time to get her to figure out her mental health. She ended up stabbing me and lied to the police about everything. I got charged with a felony. She got off Scott free. Now I live with my parents again. The army is gonna discharge me. I've lost contact with son number 2 for the time being. I can't work in the career that i built up over the last 5 years. I've lost everything.

Full disclosure. This is not typical, and it is likely that you won't experience any of that. However, keep in mind that until you and her are both stable, it's not the right time. Wait until you're 27 or so. If it's right, she'll stay with you. If it's not right, she'll leave, and you'll be better off, no matter how much it hurts at the beginning. Don't make the mistakes I did. Don't fall victim to manipulation. Know your worth, your value, and do the right thing for yourself. It's a long road, but you don't have to travel it alone. Surround yourself with good people. Make the right choices. Set yourself up for success financially, have fun, and then settle down and get married. Enjoy your life. Above all tho, don't get married before you know who you are. I still don't know who i am, and im 26. Take time to work on yourself first.

2022-11-20T21:41:25+00:00

It is a trap... you are far from your prime and this lady is close to hers.

B1G_Fan · 2022-11-20T22:16:55+00:00

Can you count on her family, friends, and community to back you up in the event she tries to frivolously divorce you? And, will she back down from her stupid idea of frivolously divorcing you once she realizes that the price of frivolous is immense for not just you and your prospective children, but for her as well?

If the answer to both questions is "no", then don't get married to her.

She has all of the leverage and there are plenty of entities (media, overall cultural norms, etc.) who will tell her that there is nothing wrong with frivolous divorce

If the moral force to keep her wedding vows isn't deeply held within her (and her loved ones), that lack of a moral compass is a deal-breaking red flag

If the answer to both questions is "yes", then check out Dalrock's inactive blog for advice on how to carefully figure out whether she is wife material.

https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2010/07/09/interviewing-a-perspective-wife-part-i-should-you-open-a-position/

https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2010/07/10/interviewing-a-prospective-wife-part-ii/

Deep Strength also has a great timeline on how to proceed through the process of courtship/engagement/marriage

https://deepstrength.wordpress.com/2015/08/06/a-detailed-timeline-and-how-to-guide-on-the-process-of-finding-a-wife/

penishead694207 · 2022-11-20T22:28:44+00:00

I’m not even gonna start on how that age gap reversed (16 and 14 ) the dude would be called a pedo or creep for some reason

grindset1122 · 2022-11-20T22:31:51+00:00

Do not marry. Do not cohabitate. Do not impregnate.

loudbeat69 · 2022-11-20T22:41:13+00:00

Nah don't do it, way way to young. I was 26 when I got married and looking back some 11 years later I think I should have waited, even if I still ended up getting married to the same women anyways.

Marriage literally changes nothing except you now are more more screwed if the relationship goes south. Marriage only benefits the women end of the day, that's why a lot push for it.

Also don't fall for the guilt BS of "if you love me you'll commit" nonsense. If your women starts with that kind of crap run away real quick.

NobodyNowhereEver · 2022-11-20T22:08:59+00:00

Marry her.

scaredofalligators_ · 2022-11-20T22:31:41+00:00

Make sure your goals align in regards to amount of risk and change- financial risks, career changes, moving, etc. This has been my biggest issue in my marriage. One of us is a risk taker, the other is complacent. It doesn't work and we are miserable. Our goals aligned until we hit late 20's. My partner stopped there emotionally and intellectually. I can't be satisfied.

TraehNoil · 2022-11-20T22:49:39+00:00

Bro. Do not get married. If she loves you, she will stick around without marriage.

Title	Been with girlfriend for 7 years I’m 21m she is 23f, thinking of getting married. Advice?
Author	sad-n-rad
Upvotes	10
Comments	41
Date	November 20, 2022 8:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/z0e9x7/been_with_girlfriend_for_7_years_im_21m_she_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/been-with-girlfriend-for-7-years-im-21m-she-is-23f.1140813 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140813

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