Where do I find an actually helpful therapist that won't tell me that there is nothing wrong with me and iT iS oKaY tO fEeL wHat I fEeL?

tiredpumpkinpaws · 2022-12-04T12:53:46+00:00

No advice, just that I hear you. I had serious symptoms of mental illness in the last few years (made worse by a cannabis habit). I was open and honest with two different psychologists about both the serious symptoms and drug use, and all either of them could say was I should leave my husband. My husband does not have it all together, but is not an abuser, btw. Looking back, I was accurately describing psychotic symptoms, and I was told that meant I was getting better, and I should love myself more. (I’m sober and much more stable now thanks to online support from a few addiction/mental health communities and a lot of hard work on my part.) The saddest part was it was my husband who knew something was really wrong and was encouraging me to get treatment!!

As far as advice, If I were seeking to solve life issues, I’d seek out a life coach rather than a therapist. I understand what you’re saying—at some point we don’t want to just feel better about our problems—we want to fix them!! I get way better advice from my mother and married friends than I’ve ever gotten from a therapist. I’m sick of advice from people who don’t have what I want (happiness and a decent marriage.) I also draw from both Christian and Taoist teachings, especially acceptance and keeping my ego in check. Anything that helps me be more honest with myself and become a better person automatically helps my relationships.

If I had serious mental health symptoms again, I’d do an intensive outpatient program instead of therapy. I did that a few years ago for PTSD, and the psychiatrist/group therapy leader/counselor seemed were much more serious and focused. My treatment was planned and organized. I was actually way better off after the 10 week program, and I continued to use what I was taught over the years since and consider myself mostly recovered from PTSD. I know you didn’t mention any mental illness, but I thought I’d include that for anyone else reading.

Fun-Fox-9320 · 2022-12-04T17:00:00+00:00

A life coach that shares the same values as you do would be a great option

jadeylala · 2022-12-04T20:18:21+00:00

Have you looked into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)? It's a pragmatic, structured, problem/present focused, goal oriented approach. It's also meant to be short term with the intent of essentially teaching patients to be their own therapists. Self Directed CBT is also an option.

SMART Goals (paired with CBT or independently) might also be helpful.

Ruffleafewfeathers · 2022-12-06T05:10:05+00:00

The way I approach therapy might be of interest to you, because I prefer structure and working on progressing my life. I write down ahead of time what I want to discuss and what things I want to work on, then I ask for actionable solutions/beneficial practices I can implement that week for homework and write that down. I’ve made tremendous progress this way and it doesn’t feel all over the place and like I’m not actually working on myself.

LateralThinker13 · 2022-12-07T19:41:14+00:00

1) A lot of therapists are crap. Straight up. Find out their credentials beforehand. A lot of them turn out to be more along the lines of counselors - well-meaning but useless.

2) Try a trained, invested professional. Someone with a degree - a psychologist or, if your issues are more severe, a psychiatrist. Someone who can work with you to fix things up.

3) Make sure you tell them your perceived issues, and want an actual action plan to address and remediate these issues. TELL them you don't want reassurance. TELL them you want to be treated as an adult. And most importantly, tell them all of this before you attend sessions.

Either they'll take your requirements seriously at the outset, or they'll wishy-wash you with a "come in and get evaluated" BS line. You'll learn to weed them out pretty fast until you find one who you can respect and vet further.

spaghettiparrot · 2022-12-12T13:51:40+00:00

Can't there be a therapist who does both? Why do you feel that having your feelings validated is contradictory to getting better?

Personality disorders, for example, are characterized by maladaptive behaviors that typically originate from trauma. The behaviors are maladaptive throughout regular life, but they served a self-preserving purpose when you were in danger. Consider a person who binge eats, because when they were a child, they struggled with food insecurities. It's not a good habit, but it DID serve a purpose at one time.

Take it from someone who's spent years in therapy and (thankfully) no longer meets the criteria for her personality disorder: acceptance and validation are often a huge parts of getting better, because many of our traumas are actually rooted in some kind of alienation.

LightOverWater · 2022-12-04T16:11:47+00:00

Psychotherapists generally just use talk therapy. A psychologist can use a more scientific, evidence-based, solution-oriented approach. Check their credentials, their specializations, and ask them about their approach.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-04T10:25:18+00:00

Title: Where do I find an actually helpful therapist that won't tell me that there is nothing wrong with me and iT iS oKaY tO fEeL wHat I fEeL?

Full text: I find that most, not all, therapists have a kind of BS jobs. All they do is listen and make you explain yourself and then reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you.
I want to work with a therapist that will actually help me solve issues.
Any advice?

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cringe_but_not_a_sin · 2022-12-07T04:06:35+00:00

Omg haha I went through the same thing, like 30 therapists and about 5 or 6 that I saw for a long period of time

Get a life coach. Those crazy bastards change your life completely in an unimaginably short period of time. Cause they can tell you what works, instead of what is approved by educational systems and an industry. The very thing that makes people turn their noses at life coaches (that they're usually not accredited by any institution) is actually their greatest advantage that they can figure out and do whatever works, with nothing holding them back

On top of that, reading and consuming content that has interesting points of view instead of conventional ones helps so much because common wisdom usually keeps people stuck, while the good advice is often rare.

dressedindignity · 2022-12-13T06:09:35+00:00

Read The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy. Joe Dispenza does good work in this area too. A lot of our illnesses and mental health issues and other distresses come from the beliefs we carry in our subconscious about ourselves and the world. It sounds hokey but people make tons of money off of you not believing the answer could be as simple as telling yourself positive, healing, affirming statements and believing them. Just give it a go.

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