How do relationships work out if we're so different?

LightOverWater · 2022-12-18T07:48:35+00:00

a man can sleep with anything walking and not feel a thing.

He could sure but it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to or seeks that.

If your view of men is based on RPM know that they are emotionally unavailable. They exhibit many traits from the dark triad. They are the minority of men.

If I am going to have a husband or be in love with a man I want him to share my same views

Depending on where you're going with this it sounds like you're rejecting the fact that men and women are different. Keep in mind that's a good thing because we are compliments.

That truth always bums me out. So, I tried analyzing my own emotions as to why I feel this way. I can't seem to stand or fathom the idea that someone can just do that. I don't know, it's weird.

It's probably weird to a man how a woman doesn't know if she's attracted to a man or by how much. It's a lot more obvious to a man.

Several minor examples exist of how men and women differ.

I feel like you're supposed to feel emotions with me because we're in love.

There's an argument in TRP that men and women love differently, that men love deeper. Women are the selectors and women are hypergamous. Women will discard men without a second thought and women value and respect very few men. Very few women are the ride or die and 80% of divorces are initiated by women. In a woman's hierarchy of valuing family, her children, friends etc. it's common for men to be lower in priority.

Men take on a lot of risk and sacrifice to commit to one woman (presumably for life), but when they do, they are very deeply committed and very deeply love that one special person. A man that is betrayed by her will feel that betrayal for many years. MGTOW and Red Pill manifest the pain that men have felt from this betrayal. They trusted her with everything.

Or like I can't form a strong bond because I could possibly just be another number on his list of women. It makes me feel like there is nothing special about me or what we have because he has already "been there done that" many times with women he didn't love at all.

There's different kinds of sex and different levels of intimacy.

Consider this: men trust almost no one to be vulnerable with except for that special one. Then many of those things you long for do apply.

It's the story of Beauty and the Beast. She wishes to be the only woman to tame the beast. Who could know that he could be so loving? Only for her.

why has to be about the act only and nothing else?

Has to do with emotional availability. It's important to communicate your needs for this kind of intimacy. It's also important for you to make sure he feels secure in being that vulnerable with you.

P.S. this is probably one of the best posts and perspectives I've read here so kudos to you.

sunglasses90 · 2022-12-18T14:43:08+00:00

While men generally don’t get emotionally attached during sex like women often do, they do view sex with their wife differently and more intimate than random sex.

There’s actually a famous Reddit post on ask men saying if you could have sex with anyone who would it be and the top post was someone saying their wife that had passed away too young. They explained that they loved her deeply and would do anything feel that love and intimacy one more time. It was really uplifting because he could’ve said Margot Robbie or whatever sex symbol, but he didn’t. Men crave real connection and sex with someone they love too just as much as women. Redpill tends to only focus on the sowing wild oats part of mens brains, which is legit, but not the ONLY part of it.

You have to use critical thinking skills and a comprehensive or wholesome approach to coming to conclusions. Don’t just use one single aspect of something, even if there’s a 2 hour podcast about men and sex that just focuses on that.

alady-in-the-streets · 2022-12-18T07:06:50+00:00

Sex is different with a woman they marry as opposed to a fling. My husband slept around quite a bit before he met me, and he definitely does not treat me like he did them. There is absolutely a deeper connection, much more love, way more fun, and intense honesty.

I get that its kinda gross that men can stick their dick in whatever, whenever... I look back at some of the girls my husband got with, and I feel my self-esteem drop a few points lol. But that does not mean they don't value love/intimacy, it means that they don't directly associate it with sex. But that also doesn't mean they can't associate it (I've had very connected, intimate sex with my husband plenty of times), but that's not their baseline. And they're not gonna feel that way until they have a deep connection with you. I didn't have really intimate sex with my husband until like six months into our relationship, when we really started to truly know one another beyond a surface level.

This is part of the issue I have with how women are fed the idea of relationships: whether it be through media/social media/books/whatever. Women are being set up to think that the perfect guy is only gonna have eyes for you, is gonna treat sex with you like an act of undying love the first time it happens, is always gonna be really connected during the act, etc. It's setting expectations that men cannot live up to because that is not how they are made. It's okay that they don't have the same feelings about sex that we do, because at the end of the day they still love you.

2022-12-18T16:09:30+00:00

As women, we literally release chemicals when we have sex that are meant to make us feel the love. Men don’t have that.

With that said, it doesn’t mean a man doesn’t feel the intimacy when he is with a partner he enjoys. My fiancé can’t get enough of me. And it has nothing to do with me just being a willing participant. He could have as much sex as he wants with “willing participants” but he doesn’t want to. He wants to be intimate with me.

A lot of people don’t wait until they are “in love” - that’s a whole other topic, but in short love isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice - to have sexual relations. If you don’t want to be just another number, don’t just sleep with any man.

pubgmisc · 2022-12-18T09:45:12+00:00

You don't understand because you're a woman, not a man. + haven't you heard of ying & yang, bread and butter etc? we look for opposites, eg. a man with a future, a woman without a fast, dominant traits in him, submissive traits in her etc. since the beginning of time and dawn of human civilisation. (& yeah average guys are monogamous by necessity not by choice). We're neurologically different, communicate differently (content information vs. context how the info. makes you feel etc), I can send you all the data. RP is evolutionary biology. We also don't emote like you , we separate sex and relationship attraction I could go on. Try this . There's also very fun analogies eg. what do you think about a man telling you about his collection of sport shoes ? that's what we think of when a woman says she has money , a career etc. Yeah , so what do we look for? you don't know, most women don't that's the sad part

kaliflower77 · 2022-12-18T23:21:23+00:00

I fell the exact same way as you, it’s a bit discouraging and hard to accept tbh.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2022-12-20T16:12:54+00:00

Despite what people may tell you, most men who make anything of themselves have standards for the women they sleep with, and the women they commit to. The standard for the woman they commit to, however, is always higher than the standard for the women they would sleep with.

I think you are right that men and women view sex very differently, but I think that is mostly because women have more to risk during sex. Sex is a very physically vulnerable activity for both people. You’re exposing your most sensitive pieces to one another. But sex is much more physically vulnerable for women than it is for men. Women have to give themselves up to the man essentially during sex, and for that most people want to have a sense of trust and respect that the man will handle them with care. Men don’t have to do this, men are the ones who decide whether to handle with care or not. Because women have to have so much trust for the man not to harm them, it makes sense that sex is considered more intimate for women than men.

Personally I believe this is where the entire BDSM fetish comes from. It’s a coping mechanism to deal with the fear surrounding giving yourself up to a man who has the power to physically hurt you. So instead of fearing it possibly happening, you sexualize it, and gain some “control” over it by asking/wanting it to happen.

Men might not find sex as intimate as you do, but that’s something that is how it is for the most part. Men probably find other things more intimate, like talking about life goals or dreams. Or spending 1 on 1 time together.

But when it comes down to it, I believe most of the cause behind men viewing sex differently than women is evolutionary.

Women are smaller and physically weaker, so they have to trust men not to hurt them. Women are the ones that end up pregnant from sex, and human pregnancy is both long and physically taxing. Because of this, women only want to be pregnant with someone whose children they want to have.

Men are bigger, they don’t need to trust the woman not to hurt them. Men don’t get pregnant, so really getting a woman pregnant doesn’t carry nearly as much weight to men as it does to women. Men can also get as many women pregnant at the same time as they can have sex with, so the evolutionary “I need to pick the right one” mindset does not really extend to men in the same way it does to women.

Sex carries both significantly more danger and consequence for women than it does men. That’s why women view sex as more intimate than men do.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-18T05:55:25+00:00

Title: How do relationships work out if we're so different?

Full text: I love the thought of being in a loving relationship with a good man, but when I started watching red pill videos it triggered doubt and anxiety. Red pill has taught me a lot about men. We all know the truth of red pill can be uncomfortable sometimes and I agree with a lot of it. However, with some things they say about the truth of how men work is disappointing. For example, a man can sleep with anything walking and not feel a thing.

It doesn't always matter what she looks like or her personality. She just has to be a willing participant. That truth always bums me out. So, I tried analyzing my own emotions as to why I feel this way. I can't seem to stand or fathom the idea that someone can just do that. I don't know, it's weird.

I have always valued love and intimacy growing up and I use to think everyone else shared the same thoughts as me. When I found out there are lots of people the complete opposite it brought a rude awakening. I feel like my brain is wired different from most, but sex has always been something emotional and intimate to me. If I am going to have a husband or be in love with a man I want him to share my same views. I don't want someone who views sex as just some activity because I feel like my whole definition of intimacy between us would be torn apart and I won't be satisfied.

It's like a violation of something you always thought to be true only to have an interruption of your bliss being told that "This is not the case for everyone and here's proof." Now I just feel like love is even harder to find and I will always be disappointed. Or like I can't form a strong bond because I could possibly just be another number on his list of women. It makes me feel like there is nothing special about me or what we have because he has already "been there done that" many times with women he didn't love at all. He is just desensitized of emotion during sex and it's a door that can never be unlocked because that part of him never existed.

I feel like you're supposed to feel emotions with me because we're in love. Sex with me is supposed to be different because I am not those other women. I don't want to be treated like he would treat anyone else because the benefit of being in a relationship is to feel special. There is no point in keeping love that has nothing sacred or "only us" about it. I know because people say this all the time "There are other ways to show love", "Sex is not love, but it can be used that way."

I understand that there are many ways to show your partner love and I completely agree. You can hold hands, kiss, go on dates, any time you're just spending time together, sacrifice, compromise, etc. I'm not asking for too much when I say I want sex to be one of those things on your list because it's important to me. Why is it when it's time to get physical it only has to be about the act only and nothing else? It can be the way you physically express love and it's special because you don't just do this with anyone.

You can put meaning and value into it because you want your partner to feel like they got a piece of something no one else has. I don't know, maybe I'm stuck in fantasy land or I have unrealistic expectations. It's simple though, it doesn't have to have one meaning or only be expressed in one way. This is why some people go celibate or virgins wait for marriage because they realize they can make sex into a powerful bonding experience. I don't understand why it seems like men don't care to do that for their future love just because they feel it's unnecessary.

You never know how you can make someone feel by having those kind of views. Done rambling, I just needed to express myself. I hope this post isn't off topic in this forum.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Devon8822 · 2022-12-23T21:46:12+00:00

Female nature is arguably even more disappointing. Women have a hypergamous drive and men have a polygamous drive. Monogamy can no longer be maintained as easily because we no longer have the social, religious, and legal infrastructure to enforce it as in the past. You must find partners that have a personal dedication to the group reproductive strategy that you have.

Ill-Ad7948 · 2022-12-25T09:00:29+00:00

I’ll be honest I stopped reading at paragraph two because that is complete BS. All men are not whores nor do they want to be. Most men where not raised like that at all. This is result of shitty parenting I’ll be honest. The men I’ve met being from the suburbs in the Midwest (Illinois) some are monogamous and some aren’t, just like the women. I however was always attracted to monogamous men, so I haven’t run into problems with that.

Sorry if this sounds aggressive, it’s a subject I feel very strongly about. As a woman who is monogamous by choice (also abstinent by choice) I refuse to believe that men are not doing the same. To lump all people into one box is foolish and ignorant.

All men are not the same. All women are not the same. We all have urges, we all have needs, we all will receive the same consequence for breaking the rules (death or imprisonment).

Title	How do relationships work out if we're so different?
Author	Abject-Goal7380
Upvotes	25
Comments	31
Date	December 18, 2022 5:55 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/zorg0c/how_do_relationships_work_out_if_were_so_different/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-relationships-work-out-if-were-so-different.1143474 https://theredarchive.com/post/1143474

Comments