My fiancé and I come from very different families and upbringing. While his family is not very keen on the idea of marriage and much less religious than mine, I was raised in a Catholic family where marriage, wedding party and all of the things surrounding it are extremely important and expected of every member of it.

He’s an extremely pragmatic and practical person (our Christmas tree this year is going to be thuya instead of spruce because the former one can then be planted in his parents’ garden, to paint the picture of his practicality for you) and he doesn’t see the sense of getting married since he doesn’t fancy anything bearing any symbolic meaning at all. If he said he wants to spend his life with me, he sees it as enough and only perceives it worth it to get married shortly before we decide to have kids only to make things easier from the paperwork point of view. He’s not romantic (in the “mainstream” meaning of romantic) at all and I knew that from the very beginning.

He knew how much I’m being pressured by my family to get married and how important I perceived an official declaration of his intentions so he eventually proposed. But now, when it comes to organizing the wedding, it’s very clear that he will not enjoy the process, neither the event at all. And he’s very vocal about it. Yet when I suggested organizing a small ceremony or no ceremony at all, he said that if we’re eventually getting married, then at least he wants to throw a party for his friends.

The wedding will happen in a couple of months time, but it’s so hard for me watching him obviously hating every part of it and being very clear about it. I feel so bad for putting him in this situation, but it feels like whatever we do, I’m gonna suffer and cause other people to suffer and be disappointed - I only have the “luxury” of choosing the side. Personally, I’d like to get married, but not necessarily because it’s my biggest dream, but because I’d feel very insecure about not being 100% sure about a guy’s intentions and because the social pressure is very real in my community.

What can I do to make it easier for my fiancé? Stfu until the wedding happens? Put more attention to taking care of him in different ways? I gave up on trying to “make him enjoy” the idea of wedding, but then the next few months seem like a nightmare.