I gotta say here, it's been 11 weeks since I was kicked out of the house. I had all my shit moved out by my wife of 7 years unannounced in a foreign country. Kicked out in the most brutal way. No discussing no conversation just "fuck you, I want a divorce and there's nothing you can do to change that." (I didn't cheat or have anything like that) the It's been a hellish ride. Terrifying to go from living in a nice ass condo to sleeping on the floor in a shared house with roommates. Deep depression and brain fog. For the first 6 weeks or so I couldn't use my brain properly for more than an hour each day. I was also filled with rage as a person (who I thought was one of my closest friends) sided with my wife in this process and who I think is trying to take advantage of the situation.

Everything stopped. My only goals were simply to shower, brush my teeth each day and show up to my jobs on time. Other than that, everything was bare minimum. For the first month I basically couldn't get out of bed but I knew this was going to hurt. I watched my wife start taking SSRIs and benzos during this time and see that she's not processing it at all. Just blocking it out. I made the conscious decision to be present with this situation and fully feel my anger and grief with hopes that I could processes it quicker and more completely.

Eventually, I started reconnecting with friends, going out for bike rides/hikes, and started learning tennis. Things slowly started to look up. Finding this forum and realize that my situation is so common. My parents stayed together just like their parents etc etc.. I couldn't imagine this would actually happen to me. So seeing everyone in this thread going through it gave me some perspective. Also, all the book recommendations and other recommendations in this thread have been huge. I've been binge watching Rollo Tomassi and reading his articles and really started to process the situation and understand what had happened from a new perspective. Immensely helpful.

I also quite porn. When this first happened I let myself go and consummend just endless amounts of porn. One week after stopping coincided with my first real good day.

Also, lifting weights. For the first two months or so my workouts were biking, hiking, or playing tennis. Getting back into lifting weights made a huge difference.

Doing these things my sadness and anger seem to be slowly changing into indifference. Now, I'm not even interested in getting back with my wife and my mindset is looking to the future. I think my career and my overall relationship with women will be much better going forward.

So here are my tips:

- slow down, allow yourself to feel this experience. The more you allow yourself to be present with your situation the quicker you can process it. Don't hide from it with alcohol and drugs.

- Connect with friends, go out and be around people

- Start a new hobby

- Cut out the porn

- Lift weights

- Research female behaviour (Rollo Tomasi etc)

My timeline:

- First month, shellshock, complete depression.

- Second month. Still depressed everyday but I also started to get angry. Full on a rage at the situation. But I would have about 1 hour of solid clear thinking per day.

- Eventually that one our would lead to a solid afternoon every couple days.

- From there an afternoon would become a solid full day.

- Now in week 11 sweet sweet indifference seems to have set in. I don't seem to miss her, or care what she does. I'm not mad at her or anyone else. I'm ready to focus on myself, get in shape, bust my ass in my career, and eventually start spinning some plates!

*I know it'll be different for everyone but I hope to my recovery experience will give folks hope that it does, in fact, get better*