Just looking for advice from "traditional" women... please share your thoughts!

heythereitsemily · 2023-01-12T21:28:11+00:00

This is part of why asking about their life plan regarding marriage, children and expectations should be asked earlier on. It’s been a year and now your heart is involved and you’ve invested a good amount of time.
At this point, you ultimately need to decide if you’re okay with not having kids and can wholeheartedly accept that, then figure out the work/sahw situation. Or part ways and search for a man that can fulfill those desires with you.
Best wishes as you figure things out.

halloweeninstepford · 2023-01-12T21:42:28+00:00

Am I wasting my time dating someone my age who doesn't want the same thing in life?

I think before you unpack any of the other questions in your post, this has to be the one you sort through first. I would say, in short, yes. Kids aren't something you can compromise on. Do you want kids? Have you guys had discussions about this? I'm childfree myself, so timelines are different to me. Have you guys discussed marriage? Is that something he wants? Is that something you want? If you want marriage and kids, especially at 33, then you do need to leave. I don't mean that in a flippant "Reddit" way, but if you are not on the same page about these very major issues, then yes, it's a waste of time for everyone involved.

However, I would not anticipate him leaving in your 40s to have kids with a younger woman - he doesn't want kids.

If you want my personal opinion, you should still finish school. Education is important, and you guys aren't married.

And lastly for a SAHW with no kids, if you have hobbies or interests, the days are pretty full. I work from home, but I've had a taste of it previously. My days were still pretty busy. While working, I find I can never really complete my to do lists.

sunglasses90 · 2023-01-12T22:03:57+00:00

You should ask the kids question before 6 months into dating, especially over age 30.

It’s up to you. How badly do you want kids? Also, why the hell would you put all the work into a nursing degree if you’re not really going to use it? It’s a great degree and you can make great money, but it’s not stay at home friendly. I think you REALLY need to decide what YOU want. There’s no right or wrong answer. We’re all different and different things make us happy/fulfilled.

LaGrandeParisienne · 2023-01-12T20:39:49+00:00

You have been together for a year, maybe he needs more time to make his decision for having a child but still, if you don't get married by 40, you will have to bring the conversation to the table.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-01-12T21:13:23+00:00

At 33, if you're okay with not having children, I'd say you're in a good place. Even if you left, you'd need a good six months to a year to recover from a broken heart and then you'd start dating at 33/34. Some of the women here have been dating for five years with a really open mind and it just hasn't happened. You'd be 39.

There's just no guarantee that a man you love as much as this one will even come along. I'm 35. When I found out at 32 that I might never have kids, it broke my heart. If you can contemplate it and think it might be nice, I see no reason to end things. Does he not want marriage either? Are you okay with that? You seem to hang all these things on him without stating what you want.

As for the TRP stuff, most men who are really into it don't make good partners anyway. Don't let some internet ideology dictate your life.

OkraGarden · 2023-01-12T20:43:42+00:00

That's so tough. It depends a lot on whether he intends to marry you or not - it's been a year, so he should know shortly whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. People who date beyond two years are statistically much less likely to ever marry and to stay married if they do tie the knot. You should make an effort to find out what his intentions are. You are definitely wasting his time if he just isn't into you enough to commit.

The advice I would give you now that you're in your 30s is different than I would give a woman in her 20s. If you were younger I would say that if kids were something you really wanted, you should leave and find a man who is equally as good as the one you have now but who is on the same page about family formation. But at 33 this man may be your best shot at happiness. It is very possible you are already nearing the end of your fertile years and would not find a new man in time. And even if you did, he may not be a very good man. You are right that men who have the option of marrying a woman in her 20s typically do. If you entered the dating pool right now, you would attract a lot of lower tier men who have no better options. It just is what it is. It is possible leaving youelr boyfriend will cause you to end up with no kids and no husband when staying would have given you at least one of those things.

However, I do know women who found a good man to marry in their mid-30s or even later and ended up having multiple kids. One had kids as late as 44. Only you can decide if you want kids badly enough to take your chances with early middle aged dating. I also know women whose husband's didn't want kids so they compromised and adopted teens out of foster care. The women got the experience of parenthood while the husbands did not have to have a child in the house beyond a few short years. It could be a possible solution if you and your boyfriend want to stay together.

QtPieGrahamsCrust · 2023-01-12T22:48:54+00:00

I was thinking he just doesn't want kids with ME, but after some self reflection, I'm starting to think I'd be better off without them ever. I'll stay skinny and hell have more money.

You're all right though, no way I'm letting something I DON'T have ruin this, because I am falling for him more everyday, so much that I'm okay with being child free for life, IF hell have me for that long.

If he would tell me what he had planned ever, this would be easier...

AutoModerator · 2023-01-12T20:29:40+00:00

Title: Just looking for advice from "traditional" women... please share your thoughts!

Full text: I (female, 33) have been reading into The Red Pill and... starting to believe most of it. My boyfriend (male, 34) doesn't and isn't really into Men Rights issues at all. (That's fine with me)

We've been together for a year on March 1st. I REALLY like him. He's super attractive, really loyal, smart, funny, same interests, works hard as a plumber, and told me I don't HAVE to work, unless I want too. I want to finish nursing school before I get any older, and if we stay together I'll let him relax, sleep late, stay home, etc. more once I start working.

I always thought, "once I'm healthy enough I'd have a child or two..." So I asked already, I shouldn't have.

He doesn't want kids.

What the hell am I supposed to be doing as a stay at home women without kids? What do you think he expects, besides cooking and cleaning? I asked he basically said it's up to me, and he can't tell me what to do... I think the main reason for this belief is because his mom left him as a child with his father, who had full custody, worked constantly, and mostly left him with his grandparents... I guess he thinks I'd leave him with a child and he would have to do the same? Maybe he just likes his freedom.

Am I wasting my time dating someone my age who doesn't want the same thing in life? Or should I just change my mind about kids because I LOVE this man? Should I just focus on finishing school? I can actually go full time (my parents were poor so I couldn't not work when I was home) because he's working. I'd still be under 40 once I'm done if it didn't work out. Maybe double income and no kids would make a nice living...

Besides this one thing, he's seriously the man I dreamed about my entire life... Now because of TRP and the whole value going down with age thing Im honestly feeling like shit... if he doesn't want marriage or kids I'm afraid he'll just leave me for a younger girl in our 40's and have kids with her and I'll have KNOWINGLY wasted my time and hard boiled my eggs.

Thoughts??? What would you do?

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DoppelGangHer88 · 2023-01-12T22:48:06+00:00

You're 33 and you only have a limited amount of time left.

Love is grand but not having biological children is a lifelong decision that's about to fall through your grasp and if it's something you want and don't attain because you let your emotions stop you from pursuing your dream, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

You can love him and recognize that this relationship doesn't fit in with your vision of a life that you want.

You have to pick one and be at peace with your choice.

1leveledup1 · 2023-01-13T00:24:43+00:00

He doesn't share same beliefs as you about life so even if you find some positive traits about him and your relationship in general, the main aspects and indicators shows that both of you are not compatible.

You will not change his mind no matter what and you shouldn't compromise it for him either.

And you two are just in a boyfriend girlfriend situation, not even engaged or married.

Everything seems shaky and uncertain.

You are 33 and you want to change your mind in the name of LOVE but he doesn't want do the same for YOU.

Love is something we should take with a grain of salt and you should ask yourself what I really want out of this life? What kind of life I WANT to see and live?

Not in a way what HE wants. Because he already share his opinions and views.

And you are not responsible for his past trauma situations. He have to work on his personal problems by himself because either way he will project everything on you.

What he wants from you? To be stay at home wife that cooks and clean for him while you are here questioning if your decisions are correct or not.

What I have learn about men most of them want kids but if they say they don't want they maybe don't want them WITH YOU.

Or they don't want to have responsibility.

But you just prove your fears in a last sentence it is that you don't feel 100% right about him and your confidence is not on a higher level because if you are 100% sure he is that right and only one for you, you wouldn't fear if he will left you for someone better then you.

Love producing calming emotions something you know it is right for you, but if you are fearing, questioning, doubting... Then you already have all your answers on a plate.

TheBunk_TB · 2023-01-13T00:59:51+00:00

Counseling? Ask him to counseling too

breemakin · 2023-01-13T02:28:42+00:00

Do you want kids? Like, could you see yourself at 60 with no kids when all your friends are starting to have grandkids and be happy and content with that?

If yes, continue the relationship, work part time and be a housewife.

If no, end the relationship.

Title	Just looking for advice from "traditional" women... please share your thoughts!
Author	QtPieGrahamsCrust
Upvotes	7
Comments	12
Date	January 12, 2023 8:29 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/10a9s30/just_looking_for_advice_from_traditional_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/just-looking-for-advice-from-traditional-women.1148590 https://theredarchive.com/post/1148590

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