I feel like wedding planning is ruining our relationship

Scared-Tea-8911 · 2023-02-08T01:41:59+00:00

Wedding planning is the worst. I know it’s easier said than done, but release all expectations. Stop thinking it all has to be perfect. Think back to the weddings you attended… were you disgusted that the napkins were the wrong shade of white and didn’t quite match the table skirts? NO! You didn’t care! You were there to support your friend/family! I know it is easier said than done… but this is not worth loosing intimacy over. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful, and a destination wedding will be beautiful and get everyone out of town. This is a celebration of your relationship, not the “one party to rule them all” for the rest of your life. 💕

pb05 · 2023-02-08T01:59:40+00:00

Try looking into a wedding planner if it’s too much. A lot of them will do free consultations and if you’ve already organised most of it I think some offer more of a ‘overseeing on the day’ thing so they can just take over the running of what you’ve already done.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-02-08T01:53:06+00:00

Ugh. You're giving me flashbacks.

My husband is from a prominent rodeo and ranching family. His parents eloped during some rodeo in Las Vegas with zero guests. You'd think he'd have been all for eloping, having a backyard potluck, a small church ceremony with immediate family only... but noooooo, I married the Duchess of Cambridge in a cowboy hat. He had a dream wedding, and it somehow fell to me to make it happen, even though I think weddings are a waste of time and money. It was exhausting and he didn't help at all.

I can't make it better for you. I honestly have no tips. Wedding planning just sucks, even when you want the wedding. I can tell you that once it's over, you'll likely be glad you gave this to your husband, even if he's driving you crazy right now. My husband still talks about how great our wedding was and it's been almost six years. He never even mentions the time I lost it when he suggested three weeks before the ceremony that we change the entire wardrobe because his mother wanted to buy him a different jacket.

If possible, find a way to treat yourself as part of all this. I bought my tea-length, lace dress on Etsy for $500, so I got exactly what I wanted. I used the event as an excuse to buy a pair of embroidered floral cowgirl boots I'd been coveting for years. I splurged on a great photographer, so I have beautiful photos. I planned a great honeymoon. It was still a stupid waste of money, but it made my husband really happy, so whatever.

All in all, this too shall pass.

cheeky_chameleon16 · 2023-02-08T11:44:50+00:00

I’m a bit confused. How did this go from you wanting an elopement or very small wedding to a big destination wedding? Why was there no compromise on this? And why are you the one doing most of the planning on something you didn’t want?

Everyone here is telling you to just grin and bear it, but you both work and you are under a lot of stress doing the bulk of the planning and your fiancé is not at all doing anything to help you, knowing all that. OP, this is a little concerning considering you are both supposed to be a team. If you didn’t want the big destination wedding and your fiancé did, he should be helping you.

EDIT to say: Post-wedding, when times get stressful again for you, is this the support you want to receive from your fiancé? Marriage is a big deal. He’s comforting you and telling you how very sorry he is, but when you look at his actions, do they reflect someone who means what they say? I would have a serious talk about this with him because this is no longer about the wedding, but your relationship.

TheBunk_TB · 2023-02-08T13:00:14+00:00

Tough love suggestion:

Cancel all of it, go to the *insert location* nearby chapel, get married there with your nearby friends, family.

worldlysentiments · 2023-02-07T23:57:59+00:00

How far out is this wedding? Can you move forward with something smaller; I’m sure at a loss of $ in places but better overall for your MH? I had started planning a wedding in my first engagement and it began spiraling out of control with the guest list etc. plus my fiancé barely had interest in helping, I have no sisters, so basically it was just me and my mother hounding me. This time around, we secretly eloped. Hardly any planning and 7000$ total cost. Well worth the nasty reaction from family and friends lol

sunglasses90 · 2023-02-08T13:35:03+00:00

First, wedding planning is hard. Second, give your fiancé specific tasks to do. Make a to do list or whatever. Guys don’t know how to plan a wedding.

Third, my biggest concern is that you let your mom control this wedding and make it something you don’t even want and you didn’t stand up to her and say “thanks mom I really appreciate your offer but we’re going to have something small” and then stick to it. Instead you let yourself get railroaded and now you’re taking it out on your fiancé. It’s not his fault and it’s not fair. You’re stuck now, since the wedding is in 2 months but next time know what you want. Don’t let others control big decisions for you. Just learn to say no

AutoModerator · 2023-02-07T23:14:45+00:00

Title: I feel like wedding planning is ruining our relationship

Full text: I was going to post this in the wedding planning reddit… but I think I would prefer opinions and constructive criticism here.

I know I’m being hyperbolic right now. I do not handle stress well.

I knew I was going to hate planning. I’ve been married before and I remember how overwhelmed and stressed out I was. I didn’t want a big wedding again. I wanted to elope or have a very small wedding.

Fast forward to now it’s a big destination wedding and of course I’m planning like 80% of it my own. My mom is helping like 17%. And that leave the remaining 3% to my fiancé. My mom is also financing basically the entire wedding (which adds to my guilt about all of this).

I’m so frustrated and I’m so resentful. I just hate this. Like 3 days a month I’ll get on a roll and get a ton of stuff done and it’s okay or even enjoyable and exciting- but the other days of the month I’m just miserable. I try to hide it most of the time but like once a month I can’t hold my tongue.

I’ve made myself extremely clear (or so i thought) about how this has made me feel and my fiancé will hug me, wipe my tears, tell me he loves me and he’s so so sorry, he’s gonna step up and really help blah blah blah… nothing changes.

Is anyone else going though this? I wish I could just fast forward to the reception.

I don’t like feeling this way. I feel so ungrateful and overly sensitive. I know lots of women love doing this and would happily trade places with me. It’s just too much. My wedding is in a couple months so I’m just trying to survive until then. I just keep exploding on my fiancé and my anger is just out of control. I know I’m not communicating well and I feel like he has walls up. I started a massive fight last night and I don’t even know what to say when he gets home from work. I’m still angry.

Has anyone else gone though this? I love love loved the early engagement time. It was so much fun, so exciting, so much possibility, we were all over each other and so happy. Now we barely do anything except zone out in front of the tv after work. Or have super surface level conversations at dinner. I try to re-ignite some passion but nothing is really working. We are both just so stressed out and it’s sucking the life out of us.

Sorry this post is all over the place. I will say, I do think the main issue is me. I think my expectations are too high but even thought I’m aware of that and accept that I’m still pissed.

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Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2023-02-08T14:24:48+00:00

I never understood stress about weddings. A wedding is only as huge or stressful of an event as you make it on yourself. Parenthood? Objectively stressful. Wedding planning? Self inflicted. It’s a good test in setting boundaries to maintain your stress and emotional regulation in marriage. What ever is stressful in planning just delegate to someone else.

Remind yourself of the ‘snap shot’ moments, for me it was finding local flowers that had meaning to us. I let my friend who does flowers source some for me since she lived on the island we got married. We don’t recall the colors and fonts of the programs, or that we left the place cards for the reception at the hotel, but we remember wearing flowers that local legend says signifies the joining of two star crossed lovers. I remember walking down the aisle to Elvis and having my father lift my veil when presenting me to my husband. I remember everyone being tipsy on fresh mai tais during the reception. I figured as long as I have my groom, our song, and a few little things for just us the rest doesn’t matter. Only we care so much in planning, no one else notices or remembers 90 percent of what was at a wedding.

Title	I feel like wedding planning is ruining our relationship
Author	ladida1321
Upvotes	3
Comments	15
Date	February 7, 2023 11:14 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/10wgdd8/i_feel_like_wedding_planning_is_ruining_our/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-feel-like-wedding-planning-is-ruining-our.1151562 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151562

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