"How come dad keeps hurting mom? ... mom and I feel safe at the shelter" - posted in the lobby of my daughter's elementary school.

SpanishGuy · 2013-06-21T01:37:47+00:00

"How come mom keeps yelling and hitting dad?"

...a few weeks later...

"Why can't I see dad?"

hermit_the_frog · 2013-06-21T02:27:39+00:00

My message to the "Western Ottawa Community Resource Centre" (authors of the poster):

Hello, I would like to bring an important issue to your attention. While attending my daughter's end-of-year kindergarten concert today, I noticed your poster in the lobby of the school:

http://imgur.com/282o6SR

I was extremely disappointed at the way your poster depicted men as the sole perpetrators of domestic violence, with leading phrases such as "how come dad keeps hurting mom?" and "mom and I feel safe in the shelter"... with the clear implication that husbands and fathers are always the "bad guys", with mothers and children as the eternal victims of domestic violence.

If you look beyond the claims of special interest and advocacy groups, professional researchers have presented a picture of approximate parity between the sexes in terms of partner violence for quite some time. For example, here in Ontario - where my child attends school - Statistics Canada shows that there is nearly no difference between the sexes in terms of self-reported spousal violence within the past 5 years: http://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/85-224-x/2010000/ct001-eng.htm.

As a father of two young children, I worry that there are enough negative stereotypes that demonize fathers on television and in the media in general without this disturbing message being reinforced in a place of education. For this reason, I strongly encourage you to remove your posters, or revise them with a more gender-neutral message.

Thank you, hermit_the_frog

Nomenimion · 2013-06-21T10:13:31+00:00

"I feel so much safer at the shelter"--surrounded by druggies and drunks.

Arby01 · 2013-06-21T01:01:14+00:00

Well, the poster follows the typical rules so I can see complaining ... but why is one of the kids saying "why do I have to live in two houses?"

Is getting divorced and wanting time with your children domestic violence now? I think that is what is being implied.

Cthulusbaby · 2013-06-21T07:54:58+00:00

Inappropriate, especially at an elementary school. There are ways of raising awareness about violence and other domestic issues without unneccessarily gendering it.

5th_Law_of_Robotics · 2013-06-21T14:07:25+00:00

Men are not naturally violent. If he's hitting her it's almost certainly in self defense. You should ask what she did to instigate it.

/crazy how these things sound when you just flip the genders around.

nigglereddit · 2013-06-21T08:44:04+00:00

This isn't just bad for the parents, it's bad for the kids too.

Most of us around here know that domestic violence is pretty equally split between men and women as a general measure.

That means a lot of kids are going to see this and think, "but my dad doesn't hurt mom. It's mom who hurts him".

Does this poster help those kids? No. Does it give them a way to act? No. In fact what it does is tell them that their family is even more abnormal than they'd thought, deepening the shame and secrecy still further.

It leaves them alone in the cold again, along with their dad. That shouldn't be acceptable to anyone.

ZimbaZumba · 2013-06-21T13:43:33+00:00

It inappropriate for an elementary school. It denies the experiences of those who are being sexually, and in particular physically abused, by their mothers. A complaint should be made and it should be taken down.

avantvernacular · 2013-06-21T14:28:41+00:00

Children need to be able to understand an abusive relationship, and it's not easy, so I commend their effort. OP, please request calmly that the include the possibility of abusive mothers. A child who is made to believe that mother's cannot be abusive may be subject to horrible psychological damage (or even physical) should an abusive situation arise. Please remind the school that children should not be subject to abuse, and the school should not be taught to turn a blind eye to it, no matter where the abuse comes from.

Just because it doesn't happen on Lifetime doesn't mean it doesn't hurt children.

rightsbot · 2013-06-21T00:56:16+00:00

Post text automatically copied here. (Why?) (Report a problem.)

MartinSe · 2013-06-21T08:54:13+00:00

Put another poster over the poster. "Why does Mom keep hitting dad? The majority of domestic violence is committed by women."

Title	"How come dad keeps hurting mom? ... mom and I feel safe at the shelter" - posted in the lobby of my daughter's elementary school.
Author	hermit_the_frog
Upvotes	37
Comments	29
Date	June 21, 2013 12:55 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1grk64/how_come_dad_keeps_hurting_mom_mom_and_i_feel/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-come-dad-keeps-hurting-mom-mom-and-i-feel-safe.1170584 https://theredarchive.com/post/1170584

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