Stuck in an abusive relationship

luckyminded · 2023-03-11T00:43:16+00:00

Hey I don’t know what country you’re in but if there is any sort of help-line for people in abusive relationships you should look it up and call it. Ask for help or any advice they can give you specific to where you are. If it’s hard to explain over the phone maybe see if you can forward this post to them.

I’m sorry I don’t have any advice to give you but I wish you all the best man

Oncefa2 · 2023-03-11T04:21:04+00:00

You're in Canada?

Try calling the Canadian Centre for Men and Families, +1 647-479-9611, 9am - 5pm Monday - Saturday.

Besides them there are non profits that help people in short term binds pay their bills and get groceries.

There are bound to be rescue people who can take your dog temporarily as well.

I know it's a lot but men and families should be able to help connect you with the right people to make a plan to get out.

kenbrucedmr · 2023-03-11T04:12:33+00:00

Hey man,

I'm very sorry you are going through that. You do not deserve it.

You are very right on not laying hands on her. I fear that, even if clearly in self defense, you could end up being blamed for everything.

I would advice to document things as well as you can (pictures of any wound she causes, etc. If you want to record something, you need to check whether that's legal where you live). Only after having evidence would I dare calling for help, again, so you can't be blamed for the whole thing later.

Even better than looking for help, perhaps it is possible for you to just leave. You'll have to plan for it, but perhaps you can prepare, cancel the rent of your place (if you are the one renting it), take the dogs, your money, and just move elsewhere (an 'elsewhere' unknown to your aggressor, or course). Do you think this is feasible in the short-medium term?

Oh, and just in case: Whatever you do, do not have sex with her. Not even with condoms. Just don't. The best thing about all of this is that you guys don't have kids.

I wish you all the best. We are here for you.

kiadragon · 2023-03-11T05:22:48+00:00

Change your Bank Card and keep it on you at all times.

Get a secret savings account. Start stashing cash before she can take it.

If charges on your Debit or Credit Cards are not yours, you file fraud with the bank or CC company. If you are not married, she does not have rights to your funds. It's theft.

Do you have any friends or family that will let you stay with them? Even if you have to suck up some pride, ask for a place to stay.

Does she control your transportation? Does she have legal rights to your vehicle if you have one? Make sure you can travel without interference when you make your move. And never let her know you are leaving until you are out, or at least the latest you can. She will try to stop her money slave getting away, perhaps with violence.

Which is why your camera and microphone on your phone is your friend. Start discreetly recording all audio in any interactions with her, especially when she hits you. Video is better, but harder to be discreet without hidden cameras.

You need to:

Build a war chest of cash to finance your escape. Let rent and the light bill go if you have to. Pawn your stuff and start a secret savings account. If you are evicted, you have cash and can find a place to rent.
Start discreetly protecting your assets. She can't spend what she doesn't have access to.
Keep a dairy of all physical assaults, no matter how minor you think it is. Date, time, what she did to you physically. Get pics of any marks she leaves. You will need this when she claims assault when you leave (and she will).
Make sure you find a place to land and transport to get there. Have another adult with you when you grab you stuff and dog and go. She will be less likely to attack.
If your friend lets you stay, can you afford to board your dog while you search for a place for both of you? Do you have a friend who can foster them for a few months?

I wish you well. No exaggeration, she is a psychopath. This can only get worse for you. Get out with only the clothes on your back if that is the only choice.

lokithejackal · 2023-03-11T05:09:44+00:00

Can you stay with a friend and put your dog up somewhere? Your situation sucks. I think you know your only option is to leave but that is complicated. I was in a situation similar enough to yours. I found it helpful to record things down. My memory isn't the best so having a log of all the stuff that happens can really help one clarify their thinking.

kiadragon · 2023-03-11T05:32:18+00:00

OP, can you give us a place in the world to work from? If we know where you live, we can at least try to find you a resource.

If there are any animal organizations near where you live, call them and inquire about a possible short term foster for you dog while you move out, save money, and find a place that you can afford that will allow dogs.

Be honest about your situation. Many fostering organizations would probably be willing to help you keep your dog while you work through this.

Unnecessary_Timeline · 2023-03-11T05:45:57+00:00

Is it possible to temporarily have your dog stay with one friend while you stay with another friend? Until you find a more permanent living situation?

Yesyesnaaooo · 2023-03-12T06:18:35+00:00

Do you know the paradox of 'things aren't bad enough'?

Basically says that until things are bad enough you won't make a significant change.

Sounds to me like eviction isn't something you need to fear.

Better to be in a new place, alone with your dogs and a debt consolidation payment each month than to live another day than you have to in that hell hole.

My advice is skip one months bills and use that money on a deposit for a new place.

Then just take the dogs and move - worry about all that money stuff when you're safe.

Screen shot and record any proof of her terrible behaviour btw - in case once you leave she turns it all around on you and tries to destroy your reputation.

krozeus · 2023-03-13T15:40:55+00:00

Welcome to prison. Run like hell before you die prematurely or get thrown into the jail.

link6981 · 2023-03-22T02:22:09+00:00

Don’t react to her. Don’t even argue with her. she’s already violent all that’s left now is for her to call the authorities and claim you’re the abuse r. So sorry you’re going through this. I know how difficult it is especially with a dog. Although not exactly the same, I was in a similar situation not to long ago. I tried leaving the first time after she assaulted me and threatened to accuse me of dv. The second time she assaulted me she called the authorities on me to kick me out from my home with my little dogs

HoplaMoy · 2023-04-03T23:37:07+00:00

Can't you take her off the lease or kick her out? Or do you have family you could stay with?

Title	Stuck in an abusive relationship
Author	chinoboor
Upvotes	27
Comments	18
Date	March 11, 2023 12:18 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/11o5jv6/stuck_in_an_abusive_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/stuck-in-an-abusive-relationship.1172838 https://theredarchive.com/post/1172838

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