Hey everyone, long time lurker, first time poster. Unfortunately everything I have to say about my current situation is pretty fucking bad.

Just to start things off, I was molested as a child by an elderly man, I assumed that shit was about as sick as you can get, but nope what has happened somewhat recently, fills me with the same gut wrenching dread.

Back in time, 2014, meet most recent girlfriend, seem's alright, no blaring mnemonic bullshit, relatively sane or so it appeared. We actually met whilst I was in another state while working, we didn't live in the same state until we were official.

Skip forward a little, 2015 now, still going strong, things are decent, I'm not happy, but I'm content, my biggest gripes at the time, bad blowjobs and a generally snippy/shitty attitude towards almost everything on her part.

Towards the end of that year, things get a little darker, she wants to get into some BDSM shit, which I was originally fine with, even happy. She knows of my fucked up childhood, so at the very least, I'm weary of anything that makes me think about that for too long. She insists on rape play/consensual non consent, whatever. Part of me is interested, another part of me is moderately disturbed, for obvious reasons. I get into it, it becomes a regular thing, emotionally it was hit and miss, neither here nor there. Relationship continues, hiccups along the way, not of the sexual nature, mostly about money. Did I mention she was a greedy bitch?

Skip forward to March, 2018. Things have gone sour, I start to lose interest in fetishes and kinks, and she becomes particularly aggressive. We are also looking for a new residence at this time, due to my work. She agrees to transfer to another uni campus, and do her "Visual Art" degree, about an hours out.

We find another property, she isn't happy with it, we went from a four bedroom house, to a pretty cheap/small unit. Oh, I was paying all of the rent too. 22 days after moving into our new property, I'm pretty much asleep in the bath, apparently it's a drowning hazard, but I do it anyway. I wake up to her blowing me, and for whatever reason, I panic, just got a massive burst of anxiety, and I'm not into it. She tells me to shut the fuck up and stop being a "gay boy" I get out of the bath, almost slip and break my skull, and push her out of my way, and leave the bathroom.

I go for a drive, and ignore her texts. I'm more pissed off than emotionally distraught at this moment, so I call her, and tell her that she's literally a fucking rapist, and I want her gone within the next two days. She literally responds with laughter, and says Women can't rape and hangs up. When I do get home, I'm furious to find her sitting on the couch, eating CC's and watching TV, I grab her by the back of the hair and tell her to get the fuck out, she finally complies, starts grabbing some things, and she's gone within 3 hours, the nightmare is over right? Wrong.

Skip forward to 3 months before present time. 8.17 AM on a thursday, Police come to my door, tell me that #name retracted has accused me of sexual assault, I instantly respond with explosive rage, but manage to get the story across to the two officers. They are reasonably understanding, and tell me that she has very little to go on, but if I were to counter her charges with my own, It would go terribly due to me grabbing her hair when I wanted her to leave.

NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET! even if this goes away quietly, I am fucking terrified of the prospect of seeing another female, ever.

And honestly, I'm not sure if ignoring them into the distant fucking future, is even a bad idea.