How to avoid getting angry in confrontations?

NexusReflexX · 2017-11-27T15:23:30+00:00

Think of it this way.

When someone is angry, most of the time, they will come at you at a 10. If you match them at a 10, there is no where else to go except over 10, which could lead to a physical confrontation.

Instead, when someone comes at you guns blazing, answer them at a 2. You can be calm yet assertive. Dont need to be aggressive,but also dont take shit from people.

LeonardoDiDraperBond · 2017-11-27T14:56:16+00:00

Start meditating regularly

ReddJive · 2017-11-27T16:45:41+00:00

In a war of egos the loser always wins.

Terminal-Psychosis · 2017-11-27T19:55:10+00:00

Idiots are there for our amusement, not our anger. Whatever it is you don't like about them,

is what you don't like about yourself. The wold is a mirror.

What are you defending? Why is it so important to you what others think?

Look at you first, then you'll find the problem, and the answer.

mrHappyPotatoe · 2017-11-27T15:54:54+00:00

Remind yourself of what kind of frame do you want to convey to other people.

You have small frame if you burst into an anger like others.

RPStone · 2017-11-27T17:43:42+00:00

People who resort to anger are comfortable being angry, they're also content with passing that energy off to others (making you angry).

The quickest way to take them out of their comfort zone is with assertive kindness. Eye contact, a touch on the arm, and a simple "You OK man?". If your intentions are genuine, this will almost always defuse a person.

bickisnotmyname · 2017-11-27T17:11:54+00:00

This is something I am currently working on. My first question to you is wether this occurs in the workplace or in general situations outside of work? The other factor is wether the relationships need to be maintained with these people?

Effective conflict resolution is reliant on identifying your trigger reaction. You need to recognise WHEN you’re entering conflict. I know it sounds silly but just the recognition in that very moment of “I’m now entering conflict” allows you to pause and adjust your strategy to it.

The easiest way to resolve it is to hear the other person in a calm manner. You absolutely do not need to escalate to the same level as them. Hear their issue or rage, and then find a means to make it an “us versus the problem” approach, rather than “us versus each other”.

For example your manager says “this work is absolutely crap. I can’t take this to the board. I expected much more from you”. You could respond with “I understand your frustration and in part I share that frustration. I have had many projects on the go and was only able to afford this task 3 hours of my time. While we can’t resolve this issue at present, we can both learn from this. In future, please highlight the importance of the request and we can discuss what other projects I could maybe put on hold temporarily to free up the time”.

Or for example your neighbour comes at you in a fucking fit of rage because your music is too loud. You could respond with “I’m genuinely sorry, it’s really hard to know just how far the sound travels. I didn’t think it would be a nuisance, but the fact that you’re here means it is which is terribly embarrassing. I’ll play it softer from now on and if it still bothers you, please let me know before it becomes any bother. It would also be useful to know if there’s any times where you’re not home and I could play music without it bothering you. Let’s try that and work from there. How does that sound?”

It’s mostly about empathising with their frustration, reaching and agreement of the issue, but never making it personal ( it’s the misunderstanding that’s the issue, not the person) and then reaching an agreeable solution to the problem.

Hope this helps.

Also meditation will help you observe emotions as they arise.

harkrank · 2017-11-27T18:07:11+00:00

Carry yourself in a way so that people know not to fuck with you. Angry people use anger as a tool to manipulate people they see as weaker. You should maintain such a presence that people don't confront you in the first place, or do so respectfully.

amekooky · 2017-11-27T17:54:51+00:00

ah soccer.. thanksgiving dinner with friends bonfire.. and one of the tenants at my house lost it... he gives me shit for my soccer club i root for, on that night his gf and I decide to give him shit about USMNT failing to qualify for the WC. he goes up to me and pushes me. I didnt back down, but I also didnt scream back at him. He looked like the fool. He probably lost some frame cred from his girl too.

DubbleFUPAwitCheez · 2017-11-27T18:54:19+00:00

When you're hit with that wave of anger think about where it came from; the root of it. If you can correctly identify it then you will be able to respond better, you may even empathize and won't feel a need to get angry.

You need to be able to maintain a cool head for only a couple of seconds to identify and reframe. Most likely you won't be able to do this the first few times. To get better reflect on what happened after the fact and try to figure out the root cause and what about it caused the reaction. You'll get better at figuring it out on the fly.

mental_models · 2017-11-27T20:14:16+00:00

There are two parts to Hanlon's razor. part1 = definition.

part2 = IDGAF about stupid people or stupidity

Our instincts (in general, and some of us more than others) can be wired in such a way, that when an idiot interrupts or threatens us, - we want to crush their skulls until their heart stops. That's not a healthy way to live. We risk injury or imprisonment, and waste time and energy.

The only way I know to overcome such visceral drives is awareness. Aware that an emotional hot state of anger is unhealthy, and awareness that you will encounter idiots, and awareness that you will be prepared to not give a fuck, and not give value, and not care, and be patient.

BusterVadge · 2017-11-27T15:07:05+00:00

You have to match their anger at first. But don't BE angry, just ACT a little angry. If you laugh at them, you will get punched in the mouth.

In order to defuse the situation you have to meet the other person where they are, then you take the lead and de-escalate.

Title	How to avoid getting angry in confrontations?
Author	Djfhigsg
Upvotes	18
Comments	21
Date	November 27, 2017 12:53 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7fuyrt/how_to_avoid_getting_angry_in_confrontations/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-avoid-getting-angry-in-confrontations.119047 https://theredarchive.com/post/119047

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