The more reactionary anti-feminists are fond of saying that “A feminist is someone who wants the power of a man, the privileges of a woman, and the responsibilities of neither.” While true in some cases, this is at best an imperfect characterization of feminists. It is, however, a perfect characterization of the Karen archetype. It is valid to criticize third-wave feminists for using the concept of male privilege to rationalize patriarchal double standards that the second wave would have decried as “benevolent sexism”, but the existence of that rationalization means that at some point in their lives they had the self-awareness to question the original double standard.

Karen has never thought critically about gendered double standards. She simply takes it for granted that as a modern woman she is entitled to the best of both worlds - men have all the same obligations towards her that they did under patriarchy, but she has no corresponding obligation towards them. Much of the anger that men feel towards feminists has less to do with feminism itself than with the women in their lives who abuse the power that feminism has given them.

We hear all too much about toxic masculinity, that amorphous term that refers to the way traits like aggression and emotional repression are baked into male social norms. It also frequently shows up in online feminism as lazy shorthand for registering disapproval of just about anything men do at all. But when are we going to grant equal rights to women and admit that toxic femininity also exists and can be just as poisonous? There are minor forms of feminine toxins, like blaming irrational temper tantrums on “being hormonal” or feigning helplessness in order to get what you want. And there are major toxins, many having to do with weaponizing your fragility so that those to whom you cause harm have a difficult time defending themselves, lest they look like the aggressors.[1]

"Karen" is men finding the words with which to express the anger and frustration of being attacked by someone they cannot effectively defend themselves against. Society is finally starting to recognize that women are particularly good at and men particularly vulnerable to emotional abuse. No-fault divorce and a broken, biased family court system means that a woman who divorces her husband for any or no reason can expect to be rewarded with his kids, his house, his car, his dog, and half his money. Feminists’ only response to this seems to be “well most judges are male so that’s men’s fault”. Fear of losing their children is one of the most commonly cited reasons that women stay in abusive relationships - do feminists think that men in abusive relationships don’t love their children the way women do?

Karen isn’t a feminist, but she is a product of feminism. Between the well-established fact that women are just as or more likely to be physically abusive (to say nothing of emotional abuse) and the finding that gender roles are perpetuated by women, not men, feminists should stop decrying the Karen meme as sexist and instead recognize and accept responsibility for the existence of women who have been empowered by feminism but are not feminists themselves, and the real pain that men like the now-deleted /u/Fuck_You_Karen are feeling.