AM I BLACKPILLED OR REDPILLED?(18M)

Appropriate_Risk_899 · 2022-08-31T16:46:21+00:00

Looks do matter, but they dont make personality obsolete. We all want to be attracted to our partners, but any decent person isnt going to love a hot person with a terrible personality. I have worked hard on my looks and I notice some difference with attention, but once I open my mouth I lose people because I struggle with social anxiety.

We need to be developing ourselves past just looks and money. Mental health means a lot as well. Dont do all of this just for attention from women. Do it for yourself. At the end of the day dont you want a good relationship and not just attention from women? I do. so my ability to communicate and be a good partner is important to me. To be mental healthy and physically so I can have more fulfilling relationships. Also to feel good about myself and my accomplishments. to enjoy my life...

2022-08-31T16:04:23+00:00

You seem Logic Pilled. lol JK

You're doing great for your age honestly. You seem to be able to take the good and spit out the bad. That's really good. I would say you lean towards Red Pill Lite.

neoexileee · 2022-08-31T16:00:12+00:00

In general, people want to be with attractive people. There is nothing wrong with that. And it’s okay to become the best version of yourself.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-08-31T15:43:56+00:00

Why do you feel the need to be pilled at all?

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-09-01T00:40:56+00:00

I think you are purple pilled. You mostly took the best parts of the blue pill, red pill, and black pill. You can have a great personality but if you don't have good social skills and don't talk to women, its not going to help much. A better word than "personality" is "dating skills".

Research has found that looks are most important when you don't know the person well. This is why looks matters so much in online dating, cold approach, speed dating. But many people date after knowing each other a while, and then looks matters less. Looks may be more of a minimum bar than an absolute standard. Research has also shown that women don't agree on what is attractive.

Also people tend to date others who have a similar level of physical attractiveness, and women aren't all going for the top 10% most attractive men. In fact many women are suspicious of men out of their league, because they are afraid they just want a hookup. Compatibility rather than maximum attractiveness matters a lot more in dating than blackpillers think.

Just look at the guys in relationships at Walmart of Target. Are they all hot? No, 70% of the population is overweight or obese. The vast majority of men get into multiple relationships and that includes the vast majority of less attractive men.

Young men and women may be blinded by looks but as they age they become more mature and begin to care more about personality and having a good partner. Women even prefer older and older men as they age when older men aren't as attractive as younger men.

There are so many average looking guys who are chill, are good at socializing, and talking to women, and have great dating lives. I have read some may posts by people who worked out and fixed their looks and are more attractive than average, but aren't getting laid. This is because social skills, having a social life, and knowing how to talk to women are essential because dating is a social activity.

Maybe both looks and dating skills matter and making it either or is just ridiculous.

zapadz · 2022-08-31T17:32:33+00:00

Yes, you have a very toxic and inaccurate mindset and it will lead you to suffer immensely unless you don’t correct it asap.

Eyeejct · 2022-08-31T15:43:58+00:00

You are young.

Jamonde · 2022-08-31T17:53:48+00:00

i found myself agreeing on many points, like self-improvement, taking care of my mental health... but i didn't agree with their misogynistic takes

Sounds like you've already had a great response to RP content. I think you have a good head on your shoulders already.

after all of this i concluded that i would want to start a self-improvement journey that would end when i'm 20 not with the objective of finding a gf but becoming a better person,building some wealth and improve my mental health.

Again, seems like a solid response to being exposed to black pill content.

after seeing blackpill content i agreed on one thing with them, that looks matter more than personality in most cases

I'll go ahead and pause us here. You're talking from, I assume, the perspective of a straight man. I'm also a straight man, and I'm in my mid 20's - I haven't been around too much longer than you but I do have something to say about this.

When you're a teenager, looks are generally what seem to matter the most. Most 'crushes' develop initially because you think someone is cute or attractive. And while physical attraction always remains a major force within relationships, it's not generally true that looks matter more than personality. And this is especially true as you start to get older and move into your 20's.

Right now you're a young adult. If you haven't already, you will go and work various jobs, maybe attend school somewhere, and meet a lot of people. Some you will admire, some you won't, but you'll be able to learn something from every single one of them. And a lot of this learning will directly relate back to who you are, who you want to be, and what you want out of life. What you want out of life, and in particular relationships, will grow and evolve and take form.

Sure you want to date someone you find attractive. But wouldn't it be a thousand times better if you enjoyed being around them, and they enjoyed being around you?

for the record i'm not misogynistic like some redpillers, i don't believe red pill will help me get laid, i don't think that women only care about looks alone what i'm tring to say is that i agree with blackpillers that looks matter more than personality and that i agree with redpillers that self-improvement can be good for you , this is the mindset i'm gonna have in these next years

If this is the mindset, I don't necessarily think it's toxic per se (except maybe the part about looks being the only thing that matter; see my previous comment). I think the sources that you are getting these ideas from, however, are. I think you will face problems if you continue to try to draw wisdom from places where you are actively aware of the toxicity of a large part of what they're saying. Let's put it this way: would you rather draw drinking water from a spring that also spewed toxic waste, or would you want to draw water from a spring that was as clean and healthy as possible?

If you'd like to consider dumping the redpill/blackpill content, I'd suggest hanging out on subreddits like this, r/menslib, and to some extent r/malementalhealth to have healthy discussions about your mental health and journey as a man that doesn't dive into misogyny and other toxic mindsets. Be open to have your mind changed, and be open to hearing from people who may not look like you, whether they have different sexualities, gender expressions, or even just skin tones and backgrounds.

TL;DR: You seem to be cherry-picking the more positive RP/BP content and recognizing the toxic stuff for what it is, but I think you should consider the sources you listen to and maybe try out other places to think about life, self-improvement, and living as a man.

delight-n-angers · 2022-08-31T19:14:36+00:00

what i want to ask is: is this a toxic or a healthy mindset? am i going to face problems in life by thinking like this?

Both the red pill and the black pill are toxic and neither will help you create strong social bonds.

stuyfan · 2022-09-01T03:14:40+00:00

I think self improvement is great, and I wouldn't get too caught up in all the pill labels. Ultimately, a good personality will win out over good looks. Looks can get you in the door, but a personality is what keeps you around. And even better, a good personality and confidence can make you more attractive. Also, lots of girls are into guys that other guys don't necessarily realize are attractive.

Keep doing self improvement for yourself, keep discovering who you are, you'll be just fine.

zapadz · 2022-09-02T23:05:50+00:00

I can send you far better resources than the blackpill or redpill to succeed and understand things if you are interested.

tired2beugly · 2022-09-03T21:32:51+00:00

looks is everything bro

Title	AM I BLACKPILLED OR REDPILLED?(18M)
Author	G0dZylla
Upvotes	5
Comments	21
Date	August 31, 2022 3:26 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/x2gfzg/am_i_blackpilled_or_redpilled18m/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/am-i-blackpilled-or-redpilled18m.1208906 https://theredarchive.com/post/1208906

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