I was chatting with a trusted friend yesterday. During our time together, she asked for some perspective on a tough situation with her husband. (We're both red pill wives, both in our 40s.) She said something that hit a little too close to how I've been feeling in my marriage lately. "I totally understand now when couples who have been married for a long time say they just grew apart."

It really got me thinking about the large number of women (mostly blue pill) that I've seen over my life get divorced or make other somewhat negative huge life changing decisions in their 40s. There are just so many.

My husband has Rollo Tomassi's books, Rational Male volumes 1 thru 3. So as I was thinking about all this, I pulled out those books. In volume 2, he talks about the phases of a woman's life and how it impacts romantic relationships. He calls the 40s the "Redevelopment/Reinsurance" phase.

To paraphrase it according to my understanding, this phase is about looking back at your younger years and reconciling what you thought marriage to your husband would be like and seeing what the reality has been up to this point. He also mentions that women in this phase usually have children who are older, possibly flown the nest but fairly independent so her drive for security (financial and physical, as I understand it) decrease thereby revealing her drive for emotional/mental connection, which creates a situation where feeling that connection becomes almost more important than the security she sought in her 30s.

So it makes sense to me that women in their 40s are doing some reassessment of their lives and how they want to live going forward.

I just don't want to be one of the droves of women who end up making rash decisions based on trying to make up for things they did or didn't do in their youth or that general feeling of frustration or dissatisfaction. My husband is a good man, a good father and I love him. We've been married almost 19 years, we have 5 children together plus my oldest I had before marriage, ages 23 - 9, with our 5 still at home. Admittedly, I've felt a general sense of disappointment in him and I hate it and didn't really understand where it was coming from. Sure, I could name specific things he has done or not done that I could blame for this feeling of disappointment but it really felt like it was coming from deeper within me rather than from his actions toward me.

The info in the book is helpful in understanding the issue within myself, my biology possibly but now what? Where do I go from here? How do I resolve it and continue on toward a happy and fulfilling marriage for both of us?

I would love to hear your thoughts, specifically if you're over the age of 50 and have gone thru this feeling in your marriage then successfully overcame it.