I have failed. I am divorced. Its a long story but wife had long distance EA, possibly physical once. Not sure. Gave her benefit of doubt on a couple of questionable situations before that. But finally had enough of her generally disrespting boundries and left.

Now the why she did that/lost respect for me. I wasn't RP enough and I am still not. I still am 20 lbs overweight. I talk too much with women. Have too many emotions that I shared. I am pretty unsuccessful in my career but have always been employed. But by no means was I ever pulling down proper money--like 200k plus--and all my friends have. Generally failed any and all comforts test from her by being an asshole the last few years as she started pulling away.

I beat off too much. I used to have a big network, but been introverted last 7/8 years...struggle with depression.

I definitely feel like the poster child for the guy who had it mostly together in early to mid twenties but have slowly become a shadow of my former self due to general grumpiness depression etc. I take Bupropion and it generally just makes me feel numb. Like not excitable...but not as depressed.

I have lingered on this sub for 4/5 years. The truth on here hit me like a ton of bricks. I can understand the lessons and messaging but I don't apply anything for any extended period of time because I suck at follow through. In many ways, I think I am still in the anger phase. I kind of don't like women in general except for sex. That said, now single, I still bang 7+s here and there in between compulsive masturbation.

Former gambling addiction, very cynical personality that turns people off, in my early 40s, two kids i share custody with and generally a little slovenly in the way I live.

I have read sidebar, but often don't apply sidebar. I need to start small. And I need to put it in writing so thanks for reading my whine fest. Goals: limit masturbation to once weekly. 3 cardio sessions and 3 lift sessions per week. Make 150k by this time next year. Weigh 185 lbs (lose 20) by July. Be less of a slob. Coach a kids team. Be a better person and better man.

Any additional tips for motivation? Was thinking TRT because I am also tired all the time. Just getting it out here to try and hold myself accountable, apologizes for burdening your eyes and minds. Thank you.