Hello! I had a realization that I thought might be helpful for other girls who are struggling with letting a guy pay for them or do things for them. I was thinking a lot about my current guy, who thus far has been trying very hard to care for me (paying for our dates, carrying my groceries, helping when I feel uncomfortable). Coming from a feminist background, that’s been challenging for me at times, because I feel as though I should be proving that I hold my own.

However, I find reframing it helps me. If I baked him a treat, how would I feel if he responded with, “Oh. I mean, I can bake things myself. But thanks, I guess.” I would be hurt by that!

I don’t bake him things because I think he’s incapable, I do it because I want to make him happy. If he showed distaste for my efforts towards him, I would feel upset and rejected. And if he insisted on baking something deliberately to one-up me or ‘balance the field’, I would probably be a little weirded out by that. When I reject or try to match his attempts to care for me, I’m doing that to him. I don’t need to show care the way a man does, in order to show that I like him.

Hopefully this is helpful to somebody, if not I’m just grateful for the chance to share! Thank you all for your time!