After 1.5 years of being ejected from the family home, I had the privilege of meeting the ex’s live in boyfriend, the man my son spends more time with than me. Holy shit was today a whirlwind of emotions but after processing everything that went down, I’ve learned how blessed and favored I actually am.

Rewind to before the marriage. 22, cook, party goer, college dropout, meets wife at the bar. We knew of each other in high school. One night stand turns into serious relationship then marriage. I know now I didn’t think I was worth being with a woman of much substance. Aka I only dated trash before my wife. So this bar girl that becomes my wife is a nurse which seemed like exactly what I needed to bring and show my family. “See guys, I did it! A successful woman loves me!”

The red flags were everywhere with this to be wife of 10 years, but I settled. She took a knife to my neck a month after we moved into to our first townhouse together because I was in the man cave after smoking some weed outside. Only got better from there. But I carried along, since, you know, I can’t have better.

Fast forward 5 years into marriage. I quit the cook life and well into my budding IT career. Wife had quit her nursing job after getting pregnant to be a full time mom. Ultrasound tells us our baby will be born with congenital heart problems and a form of spina bifida. We end up with a beautiful 4 year old with special needs and a mortgage. Meanwhile there’s ongoing manipulation, shaming, gaslighting, and she would occasionally pin me into a corner. Ces la vie.

10 years in at this point we lived in a different state to be closer to her other side of the family. My bio family were all scattered in different states. We had our reasons (mostly I was just a simp).

The entire 12 year relationship, I was always led to believe I was the failure. Yet I was simping my ass off financially supporting the household, being present, and totally blindfolded.

The divorce rekt me. High conflict, kid weaponization, information gatekeeping, attorney fees, and child support. For the first 5 months I was a super swole super dad attempting to redeem myself. Followed by about a 10 month steady decline into daily depression. I felt every negative emotion you could have. Body shaming, unlovable, bad father, destined to be alone. Most if not all of what other men here have gone through.

Through all of the ups and downs, I never stopped showing up. To everything. Every drs appointment for my son. Every school function. Every time sharing trade off. I still had low self worth so I didn’t get distracted by women.

Here I am today: Ex and I have maintained very minimal contact. I don’t know anything about the man filling my shoes living in my former marital house with my ex wife and kid. Been like this for about 8 months. I show up to my kid’s second open house since separation. This time ex wife brings bf along.

This dude is a complete and utter downgrade in physique, personality, and intellect. Meeting him was finally going to release me of all the self destructive lies that have been occupying my mind. Today my story has come full circle and I can see myself and others around me clearly. I just kept showing the fuck up.