Dating etiquette question

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-05-26T21:22:11+00:00

Darling, I want you to try something that will make this much easier to read and digest: break the text up into paragraphs.

I realize I am particularly cranky these days and I genuinely want to look this over and see what can be said, but walls of text aren't playing nicely with my newly-lasered eyes, so if you could please edit some line breaks in, that would be beautiful.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-05-27T00:16:56+00:00

I am new, so I usually say something like “I don’t have a favorite yet, but I’m not picky:) I live in an area with lots of great restaurants & things to do.” & then send my address

Good way to handle this.

but I am feeling resistant to do that on second dates for some reason.

Swapping back and forth you-pick I-pick is pretty common, especially since the "burden of planning" is higher for someone out of town, even if you're new to your town.

I am also unsure about offering to visit them? Or meet somewhere half way? I really enjoy driving & checking out new places, but I don’t want to ruin the chase or “leave my feminine” or whatever

Well, wouldn't the ideal guy is someone you'd be happy to chase yourself? Don't play chasing games - that's not a flirting, it's just immature and stressful. Do whatever makes sense. They should be vetting for your interest, too, and if a guy isn't worth meeting half way or occasionally going to his city, do you really want him?

Also, is it ok if, when someone says they’d like to visit me for a second time, I tell them about something I’d like to do in my city as a suggestion?

Totally normal, especially because of the logistics burden.

Additionally, most men I am dating are in their mid 30s-early 40s and make a lot more money than me, so I am allowing them to pay. But, it’s hard not to feel a little bad when they are literally driving hours to see me & then paying for everything.

Still normal for a man to do even with all the driving. Definitely offer to pay, and push for it enough they know you mean it and you're not just being polite, but graciously accept if they insist.

I’m also not having sex with anyone until we are in a committed, exclusive relationship, which surprisingly has been taken well when it’s come up.

This is expected and much more common than the alternative for women. No one wants STDs, for starters. If a guy wants a hookup or someone who will have sex casually after the third date, he vets for that mindset (obviously without asking directly) in the talking stage before meeting up. As long as you aren't bait-and-switching you shouldn't have issues. Harder to manage would be waiting for engagement or marriage, which would require you to vet hard for traditionalism (and probably religion) during the talking stage.

When I was in a ltr, sex was a way I showed appreciation & I obviously am not going to do that yet. Are there any other ways I can express my gratitude besides just words & trying to be really grateful, present, and fun on our dates? I have a vegetable garden & I was thinking maybe I could give them some veggies I grew lol. I also like to bake so I was thinking I could bake something for them. Idk if that’s too much for second dates though…

Never underestimate how much men crave and enjoy femininity - being grateful, pleasant, and fun is more than you realize. But yes, little gifts are great, especially something that's "you" like your home grown vegetables. Baking isn't "too much" on a second date where you guys are investing so much time into seeing each other and doubly so if he drove out a second time - you probably invested less time in the baking than he did in the driving. And guys love being cooked for.

It would only be too much if you were in the same city and meeting up required less interest and effort. Your instincts here sound very good, and you seem like a sweet and giving person. Let that side of yourself show fully! I think you'll quickly endear yourself to any many who inspires such enthusiasm in you.

Also, what are your opinions on texting first? I’m not doing it yet… but I know that it’s not like you should never do it ever, just not in early stages? Thanks so much, really grateful for you girls❤️

Some people won't send the first ever message as a vetting strategy (if you're far enough down a man's match roster that he doesn't message, it's probably not a good sign), however, after you've begun talking don't play the who messages first/how long it takes to reply/etc. drama game at all. Maybe the one good thing about being out of the dating game for so long is you're too old for that!

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-05-26T22:17:51+00:00

My husband lived about an hour away when we met. He was in a more rural area, whereas I was in the suburbs of a capital city. He always visited me. because as an oil man, driving meant little to him. We'd been dating about two months the first time I visited him, on our 7th date. He, too, made substantially more money than I did.

I think your approach is perfectly fine for the first couple of dates. Be energetic and fun. Offer to buy dessert. These men are choosing to come see you, with only the promise of an engaged and interesting date. If they expect more, that's a covert contract you didn't agree to and it's on them. If things progress to a third and fourth date, you probably should be meeting halfway or visiting them. Perhaps you could trade back and forth. Only then would I worry about baking them treats or bringing them vegetables.

AutoModerator · 2023-05-27T04:13:26+00:00

Title: Dating etiquette question

Full text: Hi:) I am 27 yr old woman and I have recently started dating again after the end of a ltr that I was in since I was 18. So, I’m really new to it & it’s a lil overwhelming lol. I am mostly using hinge, & though I live in a good-sized city in the southeast, it is pretty hippie/artsy so most of my matches end up living in other cities/areas 1-3 hours away. I really appreciate them offering to visit, and have taken some up, but I am having a difficult time figuring out what I should do in these situations.

For example, most don’t know my city well & will ask me if I have a favorite restaurant that they can take me to. I am new, so I usually say something like “I don’t have a favorite yet, but I’m not picky:) I live in an area with lots of great restaurants & things to do.” & then send my address (since they’re picking me up & we’ve talked for a while so I feel safe doing so.) This has worked well, they choose something & I thank them & compliment their pick, but I am feeling resistant to do that on second dates for some reason.

I am also unsure about offering to visit them? Or meet somewhere half way? I really enjoy driving & checking out new places, but I don’t want to ruin the chase or “leave my feminine” or whatever lol.

Also, is it ok if, when someone says they’d like to visit me for a second time, I tell them about something I’d like to do in my city as a suggestion?

Additionally, most men I am dating are in their mid 30s-early 40s and make a lot more money than me, so I am allowing them to pay. But, it’s hard not to feel a little bad when they are literally driving hours to see me & then paying for everything.

I’m also not having sex with anyone until we are in a committed, exclusive relationship, which surprisingly has been taken well when it’s come up. When I was in a ltr, sex was a way I showed appreciation & I obviously am not going to do that yet lol.

But idk… I am a naturally caring person & people doing so much for me makes me feel spoiled. I tried to buy the ice cream we had for one guy after he bought me dinner & he was not having it lol. Are there any other ways I can express my gratitude besides just words & trying to be really grateful, present, and fun on our dates? I have a vegetable garden & I was thinking maybe I could give them some veggies I grew lol. I also like to bake so I was thinking I could bake something for them. Idk if that’s too much for second dates though…

Finally, what are your opinions on texting first? I’m not doing it yet… but I know that it’s not like you should never do it ever, just not in early stages?

Thanks so much, really grateful for you girls❤️

Edit: changed wall of text into segments, still pretty blabby😅

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Secretagenta92 · 2023-05-29T08:20:59+00:00

One thing you need to learn to become is to stop being a people pleaser it will help you maintain healthy relationships.

TheBunk_TB · 2023-05-27T00:01:01+00:00

Baking and vegetables sound nice. Good GF stuff.

It will take a lot of gf skills to make up.

Good luck, the traveling thing might be a tough nut.

Title	Dating etiquette question
Author	bbbunny123
Upvotes	4
Comments	9
Date	May 26, 2023 3:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13sg5pp/dating_etiquette_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dating-etiquette-question.1220471 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220471

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