I’m just writing this to kinda express, i miss the feeling i had of being loved. It felt so un real like a dream that i keep getting reminded of. I’m not upset at myself for feeling heartbroken. It’s my first heartbreak so i’m going to get better eventually. Recently i’ve really stepped out of the red pill and in fact looked at things from women point of view. I guess i feel a bit of social isolation. Don’t go anywhere at all really. I got a new job i start Monday so that’s good i guess. It’s at a Hyundai Dealership. I remember being so lonely i would draw portraits of women i liked. The process of it actually gave me joy. The main reason I don’t do it now is because i don’t know anyone and i’ve already done the only female celebs i follow. (Maggie Lindemann, Vanessa Morgan) Oh i forgot to mention i’m 20M. Anyways this evening just felt a little rough but it’s a period of my life i’ve learned to accept. I realize too that even though i’m having a bad time thats no excuse to hate women. Even if it “seems” as if there doing better than me. Not saying they are. Most of my peers are in college living in their most social time of their lives when mine is just the polar opposite. That’s how i got sucked into the RP. I will admit reading some of women’s posts about men feel hurtful at times considering i feel a kick to my ego and confidence. But that doesn’t make their concerns invalid. Basically thinking for more than just my in-ate desires in attempt to i guess understand all people male and female better. Realized hating and hopefulness will get me no where. I hope soon i can make some friends.