Some info about me.

M23, 6’2”, I guess I’m semi attractive in regards to my face, thin (like 68kg), I own a car and have a job that pays the bills (nothing crazy but standard enough for someone my age.)

My problem.

I’ve never been able to form a successful relationship with a woman. No I’m not an incel, I’ve had some ONS and FWB. But I’m always myself, I don’t put on a mask of confidence at all times, I struggle to hold eye contact with pretty girls, I have depressive episodes that leave me back at square one if I make any sort of progress, and I am unable to tell myself that I am deserving of any sort of love, respect or care.

This is reinforced by the total lack of love, respect, or care I have received from 95% of the women I’ve met in my life. ONS and FWB only seem to be interested because I have a pretty big piece of meat between my legs. All well and good until you realise people only value intimate time with you because they see you as a piece of meat to get them off. Any time I try to take things further or seriously with a girl, as in take things slow instead of jumping right into things, instantly lose all interest from them.

I try to be kind. I try to be there for people. I try to be empathetic, sympathetic, respectful, patient, and more. And yet I’m alone.

I could not give less of a fuck about sex anymore. I want something genuine, where I don’t feel like I’m replaceable by the picking up of a phone and a swipe to the right. But that just isn’t possible anymore or so it seems.

Why has the dating world become what it has. Where the less time or care you give to someone, the more attractive you’re seen to be for a LTR. Where when you as a man seeming to have a fuck tonne of options, absurd levels of confidence bordering on narcissism, and a general lack of giving a rat’s ass about anything, is what makes you worthy of any form of commitment.

Give people a chance. They might surprise you if you’re willing to give them modest levels of communication and attention.

Fuck all of this

Edit: Yes I’ve gone to therapy on and off for years. No matter what I still can’t say “I love myself” in my head without flinching and cringing.