If you are raised by a pick-me or a cool girl, please interact.

So I have been doing a little digging and connecting the dots. I realized that my mom grew up convincing herself that she’s not like other girls. Apparently it was not a phase, she’s still that way.

I remember when I was in high school she would talk about other moms who looked well-rested (most likely provided by the husband) and feminine (long hair, dresses, clear skin, pilates kind of mom) in a negative way, saying that these moms “don’t care for their children” as much as she does. Probably cause she thought moms who care about their appearance only have time for that, and no time for the kids. Plus she’s a career woman, she wouldn’t get it. Homemakers who stay at home do have time for all that. In fact, being pretty is part of the job. She also talked bad about girls in her high school or university who are “too girly”.

I was a pick-me / cool girl / girl power boss babe myself so I get it, when you see other women looking “weak” and “submissive” you cant help but hate on them. That way you feel better about yourself. That way your struggles are justified.

Here’s how it affects me. First, obviously I do not have a healthy feminine role model. Other than that, I learned that my mom was the one who chased my dad down. This tends to happen to pickmeshas & cool gworls, because women who are not in their receiving energy feel the need to convince a man to be with them. Just like how pick-me girls and cool girls operate, they change their personality in order to be validated by men. They don’t have enough self-esteem to believe that they are already worthy without having to do anything. They see a man, get attached, start fantasizing about how he’s the future husband, start giving giving giving in hopes that the guy will someday reciprocate. These women don’t realize how much value a woman can bring to a man’s life. So obviously if you chase a man down eventually he would… settle. And that’s what my dad did.

I do not know if they had a 50/50 pay dynamic but I know that she paid for some of the wedding cost (there’s like several ceremonial event in my culture).

If you are not new to femininity, you’ll know if you need to convince a man to be with you, he will constantly remind you that you are not his dream girl, and hence you have to make up for it. Also it doesn’t stop with you. You will also need to convince him that your kids are blessings, not burdens. I saw old videos of our family, my dad always sounded and looked unhappy, and would give negative comments whenever my sis & I was messing around as little kids. I was also verbally abused (physically several times) a while ago when he lost his job but that’s another story, not sure if it’s connected. Now I’m over 20 and of course he “wants to have a good relationship with his daughters”.

So anyways today my mom is the breadwinner of the house. She also cooks, cleans, takes care of our dog the most, plans for family dinner, etc. A superwoman I wish I will never become.