The biggest mistake I see men who get into LTRs and Marriages make

Acousmetre78 · 2023-09-27T22:35:23+00:00

Yeah I did this and she was never satisfied and now is cheating. She thinks I don't know. To be fair I had to leave a violent home and we were young. I had nowhere to go and no father and an addict mother. I was finally loved for a while but now I see I didn't need her for that.

TrafalgarLaw2023 · 2023-09-27T21:24:15+00:00

Great post and wonderfully worded. Couldn't agree more. You gotta put yourself first. You gotta be happy and convicted in your ways and views to get up every day and feel steady. To develop yourself.

I'd also like to make a note that this is harder for young men who grew up with demanding mothers or mothers who used them for their own selfishness. My parents had a horrible marriage and my mother used me constantly for her own gratification and conditioned me to feel happiness and contentment from her happiness and contentment. Needless to say this didn't go well into my young adult years. My first relationship was with a trainwreck emotionally stunted girl who I thought it was my "responsibility" and "moral obligation" to take care of. That certainly didn't go well and after that ended I reflected and realized the problems. I then got my mother out of my life as well. She's alone and miserable but it is what it is. I'm sick of sacrificing myself for someone else.

I naturally developed OP's mindset over the next few years. You gotta be you. You gotta do you. Yes you can let that chandelier in your castle and take care of it. You can appreciate it. But it's not your life and it's not the most important part of your damn castle. If it has faulty wiring or goes off all the time and causes you problems...you gotta throw it away if it's not helping your life or your castle. You can always shop for new ones endlessly. But you can never shop for a new you. And if you "lose yourself" when you lose a chandelier...you are not in the right mental space in life.

Once again...very well-put OP. Great advice to younger guys out there and god I would hope older guys would have figured this out by now.

r_c2999 · 2023-09-27T21:56:23+00:00

I agree with what you're saying but I do think guys need help navigating today's dating world and the world in general. It has truly gotten out of control. Young guys aren't aware of what they're doing, of there faults as well as the faults of others. The young guys that haven't even had a relationship with a women outside of their home, those that don't have a woman or man in their home are so unaware and susceptible when they do get into a romantic relationship to being broken. Considering the U.S. has the worlds highest rate of single parent homes, this is a serious problem. And considering America has a very individualistic culture the need for safe guidance for young men is in deep need. I'm not saying we gotta protect every guy in a perfect world that would definitely be the great but what I am saying is there needs to be a healthy source that young guys can turn to and learn from.

Some guys are in an emotionally abusive relationship which leads to addiction similar to those of a coke addict. All that's needed for an addition is a rise and crash of dopamine and that can happen from dating someone with an unstable mood, constant gaslighting, poor emotional boundaries, or constantly breaking up and getting back together. Once that kicks up it's incredibly hard for guys to leave and they end up being left with ptsd from the years of abuse.

Also, many many women use tactics to make you dependent on them and take away your independence so you're less likely to leave and they gain control. This is due to the insecurities of the woman. And, don't forget about the false sexual assault claims. There's a reason why the younger generation is having less sex. I'm personally 23 and at 16 I had a false claim and I actually knew someone else in high school that got arrested over a false claim (he ended up returning after things were cleared up). I also had another false claim at 22 in college.

Everything you mentioned is definitely true, but guys need to be made aware of emotional abuse, relationship addiction, the tactics women use to build codependency, and how to navigate false claims. Also, the way the mental health system is today it offers absolutely no support. Seeing that women make up 79% of the industry. HOW CAN A YOUNG MAN TURN TO SOMEONE HE STRUGGLES TO RELATE TO FOR HELP? Seeing that 76% of newly issued psychology doctorates and 74% of early career psychologist are women this isn't going to change any time soon. Also, just b/c the 79% are women that doesn't mean the other 21% are biological men or straight men (they could be gay, bi, trans, etc.). This means even less help for young men today. How can a young man even begin to address his own personal trauma (abusive dad, unstable mom or sexual assault which is very common in today's world - the MTP stats are insane) without guidance or a safe resource?

Considering studies show only 10-15% of people are self aware, it's going to be extremely hard for young guys to build self awareness in this modern and complex world.

Huffers1010 · 2023-09-27T22:06:20+00:00

Is this even a men's rights issue? This just sounds like relationship advice. Perfectly decent relationship advice, but nothing more than that.

So sure. If you are finding undue pressure from someone with whom you're in a relationship to change your behaviour in ways you'd rather not, that's a signal the relationship may not be working. These things always take compromise, obviously, but this sounds like normal relationship stuff.

mr_ogyny · 2023-09-27T21:17:07+00:00

Whilst I do agree with some of what you're saying, I want to point out that if you're going to provide for her and marry her or live in a country with cohabitation laws, you'll get screwed over when you go to leave her.

Yamariv1 · 2023-09-27T23:30:54+00:00

Very true OP and very well written! Sadly, most men are like this.. Pretty much all the men in my family follow the relationship model of "Happy Wife, Happy Life" and are petrified of their wife, So sad..

I've been there too in the past, not sure if it's hollywood movies, society or the way your mother raised you but the problem is everywhere. Thankfully I've woken up and like most, have lost almost 100k in my separation which was a real eye opener. Very surprising when you find out how selfish and entitled a certain gender can be when you split up assets. Men need to protect themselves.

slipkid556 · 2023-09-27T23:11:19+00:00

Great, great advice

kiddox · 2023-09-28T00:02:14+00:00

Many guys aren't an individual beforehand same as many women are not that's because they chase relationships. If you ever want to live a healthy relationship, you need to be an individual before going into a LTR

MelkorHimself · 2023-09-28T00:03:42+00:00

The most powerful word you can tell a woman is "no". Use it early in the relationship, and use it often.

Correct-Contract742 · 2023-09-28T02:11:42+00:00

Lmao at this post being in men’s rights but I honestly 100 percent agree with you. More men, especially young guys guys need to see this before they learn the hard way. The most powerful tool a man has to any woman, is the ability to walk away and basically having/maintaining social abundance (in other words, her knowing and seeing that you can easily leave her at any time for another girl or just leave because she isn’t the center of your life), I cannot stress this enough fellas. You need to have them on their toes, don’t ever let the fully ever really “have you” completely.

As soon as you get too comfortable, as soon as you stop working out, stop going out with the boys to stay inside with her and start making her realize that you place an importance on her way more than she does on you, I promise you that she will eventually lose attraction and eventually leave/cheat or change into something else entirely than what you fell in love with. Exactly like OP said, don’t ever stop being the fucking man that we’re prior to the relationship. Girls will literally tell you to be one thing and then lose attraction when you become it, y’all have been warned.

Always remember that you set your own reality, the girl is only there for the ride. Not the other way around

yellensmoneeprinter · 2023-09-28T02:27:02+00:00

The problem is when you have kids. Even if you don’t give a shit about their mom the court system is blatantly misandrist and extremely biased toward them so the court (state) will hurt you by ruining your relationship with the child which is impossible to decenter yourself as their father- not should you want to.

spicyputa · 2023-09-28T01:08:33+00:00

I agree- no one’s partner should be the center of their entire life and have everything in their life revolve around them.

Intrepid-Fan-6122 · 2023-09-28T02:29:51+00:00

Happy wife, happy life? Yeah, nah. If that is your mission in life, what happens if your marriage ends? Thanks for your post.

Title	The biggest mistake I see men who get into LTRs and Marriages make
Author	DoctorNaughty69
Upvotes	105
Comments	32
Date	September 27, 2023 9:06 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/16tw1yu/the_biggest_mistake_i_see_men_who_get_into_ltrs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/the-biggest-mistake-i-see-men-who-get-into-ltrs.1233212 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233212

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