I have a terrible short term memory. On the other hand, my long-term memory rocks.

My wife used to help me remember things like appointments and obligations. She took care of the paperwork and finances which was great as she's a very literate woman.

Without her I'm like a lone goldfish swimming around in a glass bowl. I remember just enough to know my life used to be bright. I used to have someone to love and be loved by. But I can't remember enough to take care of day-to-day tasks effectively.

Basically what I'm saying is, now she's gone and so is the joy in my life. I'm really just done.

I get frustrated when I can't remember things and I don't see myself lasting this way much longer. I feel like I did something to deserve this. I thought she loved me. I'm running out of options and I don't think the few people who love me are worth sticking around for.

I wanted to grow old with her. I wanted to be buried next to her. Now my plan is to disappear. It'll be a normal weekday and I'll just step on a bus and be gone.