Why does it always feel like I can't just be me?

1987dd1987 · 2023-11-03T03:32:09+00:00

How can a leader lead without all of the pieces of information?

If you were honest about your feelings there’s a possibility that your husband solves your problem ( either by showing you more appreciation or by working out a way to ease your burden of having to pick up the kids).

At this point he believes everything is fine with you because he asked and that’s what you said. Male brain doesn’t understand or look for a covert message.

Red pill is not about never saying your feelings or expressing yourself. It’s about knowing how to say what you need to say in a way that will best be received by a man.

Equivalent-Ad5449 · 2023-11-03T04:05:33+00:00

I think it’s more bad communication he’s actively asking how you feel and you are lying them complaining he doesn’t get it. Men are straightforward creatures don’t overthink it or complicate it. I simple Im feeling a bit overwhelmed/under appreciated. I love caring for family but it’s a lot at times. Or I’m struggling a little could you please help by doing x y or z.

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-11-03T03:54:07+00:00

I then said just because I like doing it doesn't mean I want to be taken advantage of though.

Perhaps it is wise to second-guess what we're saying, as women, especially if we know that we have a habit of going off. When we think about what to say, two things are important: Is it necessary? Is it kind? I don't think this part of the conversation fell under either. There are ways to phrase "I feel like I could use help with a few things" (for example, like that!) that won't imply that It's All His Fault, That Lazy Bastard.

There is an important story thread in The Queen's Code that I think you would find invaluable. A woman and her husband are working through ways to handle her overload, and they sit down to reason it out together instead of laying blame anywhere. Nobody was implied to be taking advantage of anyone; husband liked hot meals, wife was in a crunch period at work and felt overextended, and they solved the problem at hand rather than bringing blame into it.

AutoModerator · 2023-11-03T03:09:32+00:00

Title: Why does it always feel like I can't just be me?

Author thingswedidaskids

Full text: I have been using RPW to improve my marriage but it constantly feels like I am sacrificing who I am for it to work. I feel like I don't say what is on my mind to save the relationship and to save the arguments. I swallow how I feel so that he doesn't feel like he has to get defensive.

I feel like I second and triple think about what to say about anything to the point I just don't end up saying anything at all.

It isn't always like this but there are definitely times I feel like I can't speak or don't want to speak because it upsets him and then he feels not good enough etc.

For example, I told him I had to pick up the kids from school and I must have inadvertently said it in a tired tone. I truly do feel tired and I do everything in the house and for the children. He texted me to ask if I was cranky because I have to do everything and I said that I enjoy doing for my family, and I like to be appreciated. I then said just because I like doing it doesn't mean I want to be taken advantage of though. He immediately messages back and says "do you think I take advantage of you?" and I think maybe a part of me doesn't feel appreciated but I'd never say it. I just said no, I just don't want him to think that cos I like doing it, doesn't mean I don't want to be appreciated.

I dunno maybe I'm over reacting. I really need to let this out. I feel so shut down in this relationship I don't know how to get out.

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anothergoodbook · 2023-11-03T03:34:20+00:00

I hear you. I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the last few years. I’ve had to take stock of who I want to be. For a long time it was about how to behave in a way to make my husband respond a certain way. That gets exhausting and in its own way is manipulative and controlling. And in a way disrespectful. Like I have to manage his emotions toward me.

But I also want to be a person that inspires not just my husband but my kids and other people around me. How would I feel if my friends knew I was snarky and rude to my husband. And that being a reflection back onto me.

The issue with text as in this example is that it’s hard to decipher tone. I am the queen of texting all the important things and then of course them coming across wrong. If you feel taken advantage of then evaluate why. Do you need something within your marriage or some self care or is there something else you need? From his question it doesn’t sound like he is unaware of how you are feeling. Is he asking in a rude way or sarcastic or is he trying to be kind?

In my self reflection of all of this I’ve worked through what things are just not me at all. I’ve stopped apologizing constantly for being disrespectful (sorry Laura Doyle). I’ve made what I need fairly clear, but I don’t nag about it.

I guess the question is why are you trying to change these things about your behavior?

Title	Why does it always feel like I can't just be me?
Author	thingswedidaskids
Upvotes	4
Comments	12
Date	November 3, 2023 3:09 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/17mljj9/why_does_it_always_feel_like_i_cant_just_be_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/why-does-it-always-feel-like-i-cant-just-be-me.1237174 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237174

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