I’m trying really hard to move on, and in practice, I am doing the things I need to improve as a man and get my life back on track. I’ve had a ton of realizations about how shitty I was to my ex during the separation and her declaring she was dead set in divorce.

She cited our dynamic and a bunch of flaws in me that made it hard to try to work through that dynamic. She’s avoidant and I’m anxiously attached. This lead to a push-withdraw dynamic that got very toxic.

I was emotionally abusive, I was lazy, and I was dishonest. I have tanked several relationships in the past through this behavior, but this one was different for me. This one ruined me. Usually, it would just be on to the next one. I currently have absolutely no interest in the next one. Don’t know if I ever will. The pain of this split has caused me serious soul searching. I have made important and overdue changes. It’s been a positive thing overall.

I’m still heartbroken, though. I have a clearer and clearer understanding of why we split. I see my part in it very clearly. I am working on those things in me that contributed to the split. I’m going to continue regardless. However, I am convinced that with pretty minimal work on her part and continuing work on mine, we could really make it work.

I have taken the tack of only initiating conversations about the kids or logistics. We are in therapy (discernment therapy continued into divorce therapy). I have had several days where I committed to NC because there was nothing on either of those topics to discuss. She has started a conversation each of those days. The interactions have been increasingly nice as I have laid off the guiding and begging and arguing I was doing for the first few months.

We are birdnesting around the house. When one of us has the kids, we are here. The other stays elsewhere. We almost never see each other. I do the chores I can when I’m here, including stuff that only benefits her. Sometimes, I leave a little gift of some candy. She usually takes it.

I’d welcome comments on both how people like my odds and what people think of my position here and what I’m doing. I’m going to keep being kind to her to the best of my ability regardless. I love this woman unconditionally. I still long to reunite our family, though.

I’d especially love to hear stories of successful reconciliation. What happened? What changed? How’s it going?

TLDR - tell me how you got your marriage back.